Unable versus unwilling
A friend of mine turned a certain way and suddenly she was unable to move without assistance. Fortunately, with time, daily trips to the chiropractor and lots of practical help from her husband she is beginning to return to some independence. If she does too much or moves a certain way she could aggravate the original injury and become worse. On the other hand, had she just decided she was a permanent invalid and stayed in bed, the condition could have gotten worse. Fortunately, she is wise regarding her body, has a loving, supportive husband and has access to health care. She is also a very spiritual woman.
Another person I know lives with the disease of addiction. He has recently relapsed and ended up homeless. The transition house where he was living cannot allow him to live there if he is using because of the effect on others living in the house. The community in which he lives is not large enough to support a range of transition homes including one where those still in active addiction can live. I do know of communities which have such homes. This person has been in several residential treatment centers. For whatever reason, he has been unable to make active use of the recovery tools which were offered to him. He is now asking to return to a treatment program where he can be in a safe place and practice using the tools of recovery. The staff of the program now have to consider:
Fortunately, the staff of this program to which he wants to return are used to working as a team and embrace the concept of the “we” which is one of the rocks upon which the 12 step programs are based. Thus, the staff will share the responsibility for the decision. Still, all they can do is to make an educated guess regarding what is best for this client and for the treatment program as a whole. The educated guess largely concerns whether this person is unable or unwilling to do the work of recovery outside of a residential or outpatient treatment program.
I wish that I could say that any of us can use a formula to answer the question of whether someone is unable or unwilling. I cannot. I know that, when possible, I assume unable rather than unwilling. I also know, however, that each of us has to make a clear, consistent commitment when we want to change any behavior. The question is whether one’s brain is well enough to be able to do that – whether one is unable or unwilling to do the work of recovery.
Written May 5, 2018
A friend of mine turned a certain way and suddenly she was unable to move without assistance. Fortunately, with time, daily trips to the chiropractor and lots of practical help from her husband she is beginning to return to some independence. If she does too much or moves a certain way she could aggravate the original injury and become worse. On the other hand, had she just decided she was a permanent invalid and stayed in bed, the condition could have gotten worse. Fortunately, she is wise regarding her body, has a loving, supportive husband and has access to health care. She is also a very spiritual woman.
Another person I know lives with the disease of addiction. He has recently relapsed and ended up homeless. The transition house where he was living cannot allow him to live there if he is using because of the effect on others living in the house. The community in which he lives is not large enough to support a range of transition homes including one where those still in active addiction can live. I do know of communities which have such homes. This person has been in several residential treatment centers. For whatever reason, he has been unable to make active use of the recovery tools which were offered to him. He is now asking to return to a treatment program where he can be in a safe place and practice using the tools of recovery. The staff of the program now have to consider:
- There are a limited number of treatment slots open. Should this man be one of those who fills one of those slots.
- Addiction is a chronic illness as is diabetes and many other illnesses. One does not want to punish someone for the chronic nature of an illness.
- Attending multiple treatment centers can be a way to avoid doing the hard work of recovery – an attempt to find a softer easier way.
- Addiction affects how the brain works or does not work! One does not punish someone whose unhealthy brain cannot make healthy choices. Each brain heals at a different pace.
- If someone does not get what they need to stay in recovery a great many people suffer – family, friends, other addicts, community at large.
- Some people can seem highly functional and yet not be able to use the part of their brain responsible for healthy recovery/healing decisions
- Personalities do make a difference. Some people are more likable -whatever that means. It is easy to unintentionally allow one’s own biases to affect one’s professional decisions.
Fortunately, the staff of this program to which he wants to return are used to working as a team and embrace the concept of the “we” which is one of the rocks upon which the 12 step programs are based. Thus, the staff will share the responsibility for the decision. Still, all they can do is to make an educated guess regarding what is best for this client and for the treatment program as a whole. The educated guess largely concerns whether this person is unable or unwilling to do the work of recovery outside of a residential or outpatient treatment program.
I wish that I could say that any of us can use a formula to answer the question of whether someone is unable or unwilling. I cannot. I know that, when possible, I assume unable rather than unwilling. I also know, however, that each of us has to make a clear, consistent commitment when we want to change any behavior. The question is whether one’s brain is well enough to be able to do that – whether one is unable or unwilling to do the work of recovery.
Written May 5, 2018
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