Vomit
Most of us, at times, find ourselves filled with bile; either the physical kind or the emotional/verbal kind. At that point, one may well need to safely vomit. If the physical type , it is best if one can make it to the bathroom or some other convenient receptable which can later be cleaned. Most of us know to make an effort to do this. We are responsible for the cleanup.
We also, at times, find that we need to verbally vomit. Verbal vomit is not a carefully thought out, logical, reasonable, compassionate, spiritually centered, problem solving approach. It is an ugly, illogical, smelly, blaming, reactionary group of words carried on the back of anger which can be very hurtful and potentially damaging to any relationship. Most parents have vomiting moments when they have exhausted their supply of parenting energy and are ready to resign from their role. They know that they were never intended to be on call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
Most spouses also have a vomiting moment when it seems as if there is nothing one respects or likes about their partner who has no skill or habits one needs in a partner. In fact, the partner has just frayed one’s remaining nerve and is responsible for causing one to go off the deep end and to call upon one’s evil, identical twin to eviscerate one’s partner while one enjoying the performance from the comfort of one’s favorite chair.
Admitting that one has these vomit moments is a symptom of emotional and spiritual health. Not recognizing that one is about to vomit and thinking one is even approximately sane and justified in vomiting on another is not kind, advisable or remotely healthy for the relationship with the object of one’s vomit.
In other words, it is never advisable, kind or remotely therapeutic to vomit on another person. Vomit is vomit is vomit. Vomit must be expelled but not on the object of one’s vomit or displaced on another person or even the family pet. One can, however, share it with a friend, a therapist, or another safe person as long as one identifies it for what it is. I often get a, phone call, text, email, snail mail note, or drawing which is clearly labeled as vomit. The agreement is that I will listen or read it, acknowledge that I got it and then discard or delete it. There is no need to comment on it or otherwise respond. Once one has reached that point of needing to vomit one cannot move on until one vomits. The important point is one does not pretend as if it is something other than what it is.
Accepting our humanness and giving ourselves healthy ways of dealing with our various emotional states is a sure sign of spiritual growth. I personally find it impossible to relate to the person who claims to be always spiritually centered and never has a need to vomit. That is far removed from the person I am.
Written November 24, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
Most of us, at times, find ourselves filled with bile; either the physical kind or the emotional/verbal kind. At that point, one may well need to safely vomit. If the physical type , it is best if one can make it to the bathroom or some other convenient receptable which can later be cleaned. Most of us know to make an effort to do this. We are responsible for the cleanup.
We also, at times, find that we need to verbally vomit. Verbal vomit is not a carefully thought out, logical, reasonable, compassionate, spiritually centered, problem solving approach. It is an ugly, illogical, smelly, blaming, reactionary group of words carried on the back of anger which can be very hurtful and potentially damaging to any relationship. Most parents have vomiting moments when they have exhausted their supply of parenting energy and are ready to resign from their role. They know that they were never intended to be on call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
Most spouses also have a vomiting moment when it seems as if there is nothing one respects or likes about their partner who has no skill or habits one needs in a partner. In fact, the partner has just frayed one’s remaining nerve and is responsible for causing one to go off the deep end and to call upon one’s evil, identical twin to eviscerate one’s partner while one enjoying the performance from the comfort of one’s favorite chair.
Admitting that one has these vomit moments is a symptom of emotional and spiritual health. Not recognizing that one is about to vomit and thinking one is even approximately sane and justified in vomiting on another is not kind, advisable or remotely healthy for the relationship with the object of one’s vomit.
In other words, it is never advisable, kind or remotely therapeutic to vomit on another person. Vomit is vomit is vomit. Vomit must be expelled but not on the object of one’s vomit or displaced on another person or even the family pet. One can, however, share it with a friend, a therapist, or another safe person as long as one identifies it for what it is. I often get a, phone call, text, email, snail mail note, or drawing which is clearly labeled as vomit. The agreement is that I will listen or read it, acknowledge that I got it and then discard or delete it. There is no need to comment on it or otherwise respond. Once one has reached that point of needing to vomit one cannot move on until one vomits. The important point is one does not pretend as if it is something other than what it is.
Accepting our humanness and giving ourselves healthy ways of dealing with our various emotional states is a sure sign of spiritual growth. I personally find it impossible to relate to the person who claims to be always spiritually centered and never has a need to vomit. That is far removed from the person I am.
Written November 24, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
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