Walk the talk
Many wise people I have known, including Grandma Fannie, were fond of reminding themselves and others that talk is cheap. Often when I am talking with someone in my role as a professional counselor or as a friend, part of my brain is listening to and silently asking myself, “Do you really believe what you are saying? You make it sound easy to put principles before personality; just do the next right thing; let go of expectation that other people and situations should be fair; to remind yourself the behavior of other people is not about you although behavior has a powerful effect on others.” These and other wise words can just roll off my tongue. Yet, I know that I, too, frequently find it uncomfortable and difficult to walk the talk.
For example, yesterday morning driving on an interstate highway through a construction zone on two narrow lanes without any road shoulder I was attempting to pay close attention and obeying the 45 mph posted speed limit. Suddenly there was this crunching sound and then the thump, thump of a flat tire. I had to drive on the tire for some distance before arriving at a narrow shoulder. A semi-truck had sideswiped my car causing considerable damage. At least I am 90% sure it was a semi because I saw several semi-trucks passing in the other lane just about the time I heard the thump, thump, thump. As the police person said, very likely the semi driver did not even know they had hit my car. I can easily understand how easily one could be distracted for an instant and slide over that narrow path. It was just one of those unfortunate accidents. Not a big deal. Yet part of me was feeling anxious and victimized. Eventually the car got to the right collision shop, I got a rental and I drove to the Veteran Hospital where I was scheduled to get some fasting blood work. At the Veterans hospital all did not go as I expected or thought it “should”. While waiting I checked my email only to find a very unfriendly email from someone who is very important to me.
I was thinking enough is enough. Life is too hard. I am a good person. I do not deserve to be treated badly. Yet, quickly the Grandma Fannie in my brain asked if I was ready to walk the talk or was I just full of cheap talk. The accident, the situation at the Veterans Hospital, the fact that this person says they never want any more contact with me are examples of how life shows up for all of us. The situation with the person makes me very sad and I need to allow others to give me the support I need and deserve. Yet, I also need to remind myself how lucky I am to have a car, to have AAA plus coverage, to have insurance, to have money saved to pay the insurance deductible and incidental expenses, to have access to a rental car, to have health care coverage, to know that I have friends who will support me but not feel sorry for me, and to have the voices of all those wise people in my head.
The voices of Grandma Fannie and others are a blessing reminding me of the opportunity to practice walking the walk. Either we are growing or going backwards. If all were easy we could just order Alexa to serve up life on that silver platter with that perfect rose in the silver vase.
The opposite of growing is not standing still. It is going backwards. The goal is to pass first grade and move on to second grade. The goal is to learn spiritual lessons at a certain level, get comfortable for one second and then move on to the next level of the same lesson.
This does not mean we are not allowed to have our “moments” of kicking and screaming about the unfairness of life, but these moments need to be just that. Moments. It can be easy to fall into the trap of remaining in the kicking and screaming stage. Yet, we have the option of moving on; of practicing walking the talk.
Written June 9, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
Many wise people I have known, including Grandma Fannie, were fond of reminding themselves and others that talk is cheap. Often when I am talking with someone in my role as a professional counselor or as a friend, part of my brain is listening to and silently asking myself, “Do you really believe what you are saying? You make it sound easy to put principles before personality; just do the next right thing; let go of expectation that other people and situations should be fair; to remind yourself the behavior of other people is not about you although behavior has a powerful effect on others.” These and other wise words can just roll off my tongue. Yet, I know that I, too, frequently find it uncomfortable and difficult to walk the talk.
For example, yesterday morning driving on an interstate highway through a construction zone on two narrow lanes without any road shoulder I was attempting to pay close attention and obeying the 45 mph posted speed limit. Suddenly there was this crunching sound and then the thump, thump of a flat tire. I had to drive on the tire for some distance before arriving at a narrow shoulder. A semi-truck had sideswiped my car causing considerable damage. At least I am 90% sure it was a semi because I saw several semi-trucks passing in the other lane just about the time I heard the thump, thump, thump. As the police person said, very likely the semi driver did not even know they had hit my car. I can easily understand how easily one could be distracted for an instant and slide over that narrow path. It was just one of those unfortunate accidents. Not a big deal. Yet part of me was feeling anxious and victimized. Eventually the car got to the right collision shop, I got a rental and I drove to the Veteran Hospital where I was scheduled to get some fasting blood work. At the Veterans hospital all did not go as I expected or thought it “should”. While waiting I checked my email only to find a very unfriendly email from someone who is very important to me.
I was thinking enough is enough. Life is too hard. I am a good person. I do not deserve to be treated badly. Yet, quickly the Grandma Fannie in my brain asked if I was ready to walk the talk or was I just full of cheap talk. The accident, the situation at the Veterans Hospital, the fact that this person says they never want any more contact with me are examples of how life shows up for all of us. The situation with the person makes me very sad and I need to allow others to give me the support I need and deserve. Yet, I also need to remind myself how lucky I am to have a car, to have AAA plus coverage, to have insurance, to have money saved to pay the insurance deductible and incidental expenses, to have access to a rental car, to have health care coverage, to know that I have friends who will support me but not feel sorry for me, and to have the voices of all those wise people in my head.
The voices of Grandma Fannie and others are a blessing reminding me of the opportunity to practice walking the walk. Either we are growing or going backwards. If all were easy we could just order Alexa to serve up life on that silver platter with that perfect rose in the silver vase.
The opposite of growing is not standing still. It is going backwards. The goal is to pass first grade and move on to second grade. The goal is to learn spiritual lessons at a certain level, get comfortable for one second and then move on to the next level of the same lesson.
This does not mean we are not allowed to have our “moments” of kicking and screaming about the unfairness of life, but these moments need to be just that. Moments. It can be easy to fall into the trap of remaining in the kicking and screaming stage. Yet, we have the option of moving on; of practicing walking the talk.
Written June 9, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
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