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Many thoughts and actions can keep one away from home. Sometimes an individual or a family decides that one of the partners needs to serve far away from home as a member of a military unit. Others might decide a job or mission is important enough to take an individual or a family thousands of miles away. An illness such as addiction or dementia can keep one from being emotionally or intellectually present for long periods. Other mental illnesses or unresolved emotional issues, making money or career ambitions can prevent one from being present to/with a family.
Someone in the family may have to travel long distances to make enough money for basic necessities. Immigrant workers often have no other choice. Whatever the reason for being absent one needs to carefully weigh the positives and negatives as expressed by all members of the immediate family who are old enough to have such a discussion (not very old as it turns out). Once any of us have elected to have children or at least have made the decision to have a sexual relationship which intentionally or unintentionally results in the conception of a child one needs to be prepared to devote a lot of hands on time to parenting.
There was a time when many professional or middle-class families had a full-time live-in nanny. In the not too distant past here in the United States many Caucasian families had a slave nanny who was the constant, nurturing, teaching person in the life of a child. There are still a few families who can afford to hire such a live in Nanny and pay them well. A few people, including some incoming members of the United States Congress, can bring their young child to work with them. There are families where one of the parents can stay home full time to care for the child. They may or may not be working another part- or full-time job from home.
If there is one parent who can parent full time with or without another job one needs the active partnership of another person after the first 8- or 10-hour shift. Even if the children are in school full time, there are parent teacher meetings, activities of the children, birthday parties, gift buying, baking or purchasing bake goods to contribute to school or activity related celebrations or fund raisers, shopping, school board meetings, often neighborhood meetings, and all those homes repairs, laundry and the preparation of healthy, enticing meals and snacks. One will, of course, wants to ensure that one’s children go to museums, science centers, musical events and other cultural events. We all know that it is very important to be available any time the children are ready to share or need to talk through some issue.
There are constant reminders through all forms of media that we need to be responsible, concerned present parents while earning enough money to ensure we do not deprive our children of the latest learning aid, cell phone, or video game. There are also constant reminders that parents need to be emotionally, intellectually, physically and spiritually healthy so that one can always respond to one’s children in a loving, teaching manner. For example, when the child is conducting chemical experiments and sets the house on fire causing extensive damage one wants to be able to say, “Oh, how very clever. I am so glad you not hurt. Let’s go shopping for new clothes before we check into our suite at the Ritz!”
As a culture in the United States and many other countries we do not taken the job of parenting very seriously. As we made the switch from family farms to working away from home and the children we have treated the job of parenting as a part-time hobby rather than a full-time plus job of training the next generations of leaders, innovators, scientists, factory workers and active community members. Oh yes, there is also the job of modeling healthy self-care and healthy relationships with partners, extended family and others in the community.
On the family farm or ranch there was and is plenty of time to interact as one shares various chores. This was and is hard work but the job of parenting can be woven into the fabric of daily life.
There are a few intentional communities such as The Bruderhof, Twin Oaks and others where parenting is a community activity which is highly valued. There are also some intentional neighborhoods which resources are shared and child rearing is by the extended family. These are few and far between.
Perhaps it is time or way past time that we seriously discuss if and how we want to raise children or whether we want to move towards zero population growth and leave it to those from, other planets or universes to raise healthy children who become adults who are emotionally, physically, financially, intellectually and spiritually healthy!
Written December 27, 2018
Many thoughts and actions can keep one away from home. Sometimes an individual or a family decides that one of the partners needs to serve far away from home as a member of a military unit. Others might decide a job or mission is important enough to take an individual or a family thousands of miles away. An illness such as addiction or dementia can keep one from being emotionally or intellectually present for long periods. Other mental illnesses or unresolved emotional issues, making money or career ambitions can prevent one from being present to/with a family.
Someone in the family may have to travel long distances to make enough money for basic necessities. Immigrant workers often have no other choice. Whatever the reason for being absent one needs to carefully weigh the positives and negatives as expressed by all members of the immediate family who are old enough to have such a discussion (not very old as it turns out). Once any of us have elected to have children or at least have made the decision to have a sexual relationship which intentionally or unintentionally results in the conception of a child one needs to be prepared to devote a lot of hands on time to parenting.
There was a time when many professional or middle-class families had a full-time live-in nanny. In the not too distant past here in the United States many Caucasian families had a slave nanny who was the constant, nurturing, teaching person in the life of a child. There are still a few families who can afford to hire such a live in Nanny and pay them well. A few people, including some incoming members of the United States Congress, can bring their young child to work with them. There are families where one of the parents can stay home full time to care for the child. They may or may not be working another part- or full-time job from home.
If there is one parent who can parent full time with or without another job one needs the active partnership of another person after the first 8- or 10-hour shift. Even if the children are in school full time, there are parent teacher meetings, activities of the children, birthday parties, gift buying, baking or purchasing bake goods to contribute to school or activity related celebrations or fund raisers, shopping, school board meetings, often neighborhood meetings, and all those homes repairs, laundry and the preparation of healthy, enticing meals and snacks. One will, of course, wants to ensure that one’s children go to museums, science centers, musical events and other cultural events. We all know that it is very important to be available any time the children are ready to share or need to talk through some issue.
There are constant reminders through all forms of media that we need to be responsible, concerned present parents while earning enough money to ensure we do not deprive our children of the latest learning aid, cell phone, or video game. There are also constant reminders that parents need to be emotionally, intellectually, physically and spiritually healthy so that one can always respond to one’s children in a loving, teaching manner. For example, when the child is conducting chemical experiments and sets the house on fire causing extensive damage one wants to be able to say, “Oh, how very clever. I am so glad you not hurt. Let’s go shopping for new clothes before we check into our suite at the Ritz!”
As a culture in the United States and many other countries we do not taken the job of parenting very seriously. As we made the switch from family farms to working away from home and the children we have treated the job of parenting as a part-time hobby rather than a full-time plus job of training the next generations of leaders, innovators, scientists, factory workers and active community members. Oh yes, there is also the job of modeling healthy self-care and healthy relationships with partners, extended family and others in the community.
On the family farm or ranch there was and is plenty of time to interact as one shares various chores. This was and is hard work but the job of parenting can be woven into the fabric of daily life.
There are a few intentional communities such as The Bruderhof, Twin Oaks and others where parenting is a community activity which is highly valued. There are also some intentional neighborhoods which resources are shared and child rearing is by the extended family. These are few and far between.
Perhaps it is time or way past time that we seriously discuss if and how we want to raise children or whether we want to move towards zero population growth and leave it to those from, other planets or universes to raise healthy children who become adults who are emotionally, physically, financially, intellectually and spiritually healthy!
Written December 27, 2018
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