When habits become attachments
We all know that we could not function much of the time without habits. Thanks goodness I do not, today at least, have to think about how to manipulate my body to get out of bed, stand and, without consciously thinking, walk to the bathroom, use the facilities, brush my teeth, get dressed, make the bed, prepare coffee, sit down, turn on the computer and begin to initiate and respond to texts and emails. Not only do I not have to think about which muscles to use for each task, I also do not have to think about which task I will do next. After doing texts and emails, I gather my stuff for the gym and writing and either load my backpack or purse and then head to the gym where I also follow a regular routine. It is Tuesday and I will do exercises M through P.
Obviously habits are very time efficient. They can, theoretically, insure that I have more free time and, assuming that many of them are healthy, help me to have time for new tasks and experiences. The danger is, of course, that I can get attached to habits and engage in activities long past the time when they serve a purpose. What if, for example, I get attached to the habit just because it is a habit or on my schedule? This could easily happen with this blog. So far it has served a number of purposes including:
1. A way of sorting through and making sense out of my thoughts and examining my feelings. I am not one of those folks who are able to think on his feet. I need to put thoughts and feelings down on paper, let them visit each other and see if they make sense and are consistent with my core values.
2. Taking the risk of allowing others to read and critique what I write.
3. Identifying a direction for the next stage of my life.
4. Forcing myself to articulate spiritual and intellectual goals.
In my mind these can be very laudable goals. I can, however, get attached to the habit of blogging just to blog whether or not the writing is serving any of the above purposes. Is the blog more important than coming to the aid of a friend who may need practical or emotional support/help? Is the blog more important than taking time to be present to those people I encounter at the gym, Panera, or other places? Is it more important than spending time with my son, other relatives or other friends who may be visiting in person, who may call or whose letter is waiting for a response?
It is important to note that although the blog may play a role in my coaching or counseling business, my ability to pay for essentials such as rent/mortgage, utilities, food and medical care is not dependent on the few clients who may hire me as a result of the blog. Also, 90% of people who may decide to hire me will find me whether or not I daily publish a blog.
On the other hand, it may be true that the blog plays a minor role in encouraging or supporting others in staying focused on their healing/growing journey. Still, most of the readers who may benefit will contact me directly if they need some support or encouragement.
The bottom line is that it would be easy for me – it is easy for me – to allow life to just roll along because it is more or less comfortable - allowing my routine habits to fill up all the hours of the day. Even though activities such as writing the blog, doing housework or performing other chorettes may have some value, they do not have more value than my staying healthy or being present when others need my emotional or practical support.
My goal is to be intentional every day about how I live my life No task is in and of itself more important than the people whose lives touch mine or I theirs.
I talked to a very bright young man with a good heart yesterday. I have known this young man since he was 16 or 17. He is now 20 and continues to say he is unhappy with the fact that it seems that his life is lacking in any real direction or purpose. Being the bright young man he is, he can always find something or someone to blame. He can also tell himself that he is young and he has plenty of time to grow up. Yesterday he was aware that time moves so quickly that in an instant he has grown from age 16 to 20 He continues to use marijuana daily, to work at a job(s) which do not challenge him much, and to be very bored and periodically depressed. In some ways he mirrors the life of his two very bright, charming, well-educated parents. Although he criticizes them, he is smart enough to know that what he criticizes in them he hates in himself. On a day-to-day basis the habits of his life are more or less comfortable. In some ways he has becomes attached to the comfort his current habits provide until the depression or discontent outweighs the comfort he gets from them.
This is an easy trap for this human to fall into. This human can convince himself that all or most of his habits are more important than the core values by which he judges the success of or lack of success of his life. Unless I am daily being very intentional about those core values and the resultant legacy I want to leave today, my life will simply be one of habits which have become attachments and, which, thus, may seem or feel more important than my core values.
Written March 8, 2016
When habits become attachments
We all know that we could not function much of the time without habits. Thanks goodness I do not, today at least, have to think about how to manipulate my body to get out of bed, stand and, without consciously thinking, walk to the bathroom, use the facilities, brush my teeth, get dressed, make the bed, prepare coffee, sit down, turn on the computer and begin to initiate and respond to texts and emails. Not only do I not have to think about which muscles to use for each task, I also do not have to think about which task I will do next. After doing texts and emails, I gather my stuff for the gym and writing and either load my backpack or purse and then head to the gym where I also follow a regular routine. It is Tuesday and I will do exercises M through P.
Obviously habits are very time efficient. They can, theoretically, insure that I have more free time and, assuming that many of them are healthy, help me to have time for new tasks and experiences. The danger is, of course, that I can get attached to habits and engage in activities long past the time when they serve a purpose. What if, for example, I get attached to the habit just because it is a habit or on my schedule? This could easily happen with this blog. So far it has served a number of purposes including:
1. A way of sorting through and making sense out of my thoughts and examining my feelings. I am not one of those folks who are able to think on his feet. I need to put thoughts and feelings down on paper, let them visit each other and see if they make sense and are consistent with my core values.
2. Taking the risk of allowing others to read and critique what I write.
3. Identifying a direction for the next stage of my life.
4. Forcing myself to articulate spiritual and intellectual goals.
In my mind these can be very laudable goals. I can, however, get attached to the habit of blogging just to blog whether or not the writing is serving any of the above purposes. Is the blog more important than coming to the aid of a friend who may need practical or emotional support/help? Is the blog more important than taking time to be present to those people I encounter at the gym, Panera, or other places? Is it more important than spending time with my son, other relatives or other friends who may be visiting in person, who may call or whose letter is waiting for a response?
It is important to note that although the blog may play a role in my coaching or counseling business, my ability to pay for essentials such as rent/mortgage, utilities, food and medical care is not dependent on the few clients who may hire me as a result of the blog. Also, 90% of people who may decide to hire me will find me whether or not I daily publish a blog.
On the other hand, it may be true that the blog plays a minor role in encouraging or supporting others in staying focused on their healing/growing journey. Still, most of the readers who may benefit will contact me directly if they need some support or encouragement.
The bottom line is that it would be easy for me – it is easy for me – to allow life to just roll along because it is more or less comfortable - allowing my routine habits to fill up all the hours of the day. Even though activities such as writing the blog, doing housework or performing other chorettes may have some value, they do not have more value than my staying healthy or being present when others need my emotional or practical support.
My goal is to be intentional every day about how I live my life No task is in and of itself more important than the people whose lives touch mine or I theirs.
I talked to a very bright young man with a good heart yesterday. I have known this young man since he was 16 or 17. He is now 20 and continues to say he is unhappy with the fact that it seems that his life is lacking in any real direction or purpose. Being the bright young man he is, he can always find something or someone to blame. He can also tell himself that he is young and he has plenty of time to grow up. Yesterday he was aware that time moves so quickly that in an instant he has grown from age 16 to 20 He continues to use marijuana daily, to work at a job(s) which do not challenge him much, and to be very bored and periodically depressed. In some ways he mirrors the life of his two very bright, charming, well-educated parents. Although he criticizes them, he is smart enough to know that what he criticizes in them he hates in himself. On a day-to-day basis the habits of his life are more or less comfortable. In some ways he has becomes attached to the comfort his current habits provide until the depression or discontent outweighs the comfort he gets from them.
This is an easy trap for this human to fall into. This human can convince himself that all or most of his habits are more important than the core values by which he judges the success of or lack of success of his life. Unless I am daily being very intentional about those core values and the resultant legacy I want to leave today, my life will simply be one of habits which have become attachments and, which, thus, may seem or feel more important than my core values.
Written March 8, 2016
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