Where does it hurt?
I am sure that I have written on this topic previously, but as is my habit I did not look for or at my previous blog on this subject. I am, of course, always hopeful that my perspective and thinking has evolved or at least reach a new level of questioning.
The question is not original. Ruby Sales in her September 15, 2016 conversation with Krista Tippett talks about her earliest memory of asking that question. (program rebroadcast January 16, 2020). She says “I was getting my locks washed, and my locker’s daughter came in one morning , and she had been hustling all night. And she had sores on her body. And she was just in a state –drugs. So something said to me, ask her: ‘Where does it hurt?’ And I said, ‘Shelley where does in hurt?’”
Earlier in her conversation with Ms. Tippet, Ms. Sales asks, “What is that public theology can say to the white person in Massachusetts who’s been heroin-addicted? I don’t hear anyone speaking to the 45-year-old person in Appalachia who feels like they’ve been eradicated, because whiteness is so much smaller today than it was yesterday.”
This question has been much on my mind as I attempted to “listen”
to the responses to my recent blog about our relationship with guns and the second amendment and my follow up blog on listening with an open heart and mind.
I was encouraged by the fact that several people who both agreed and disagreed read and commented on the blog posts. I was also told that a number of others read what I had written but did not indicate that on the blog post. Certainly I was not surprised that people in both ends of the spectrum feel very passionate about these issues. I am well aware that there are a variety of emotions which influence one’s thoughts and reactions to these subjects. My best guess is that two emotions underlie many of the responses: fear and loneliness. Another word for loneliness might be disconnected.
I have suggested that I need to learn to listen to the pain which lies beneath the passion of many. I could easily borrow Ruby Sales question and ask, “Where does it hurt?” This is the essential question which must be addressed to those who are in early recovery from addictions to drugs and other substance and behaviors. All of those to whom I have talked feel as if they have lost not only a significant piece of their own journey but have witnessed and live with the death of spouses, family members and other friends . So far on this 22 day of January I am personally aware of 10 overdose deaths just in this small area of the Ohio Valley. That means that her are at least 20 times 10 family members, friends, colleagues, health care workers hurting as a result of these deaths. All or most of these have been living with the fear of overdose of that person for many years. We need to ask them, “Where does it hurt?” All those who have passionate emotions across of spectrum on our relationships with guns often come from a place of fear and extreme sadness. We need to ask them, “Where does it hurt?”
Many of our friends - fellow citizens - have family members serving in a combat area with the United States Military. We need to ask them, “Where does it hurt?” we need to ask the service member, “Where does it hurt when your friends die or lose body parts? Where does it hurt when you kill another human being no matter what label is used to dehumanize them?”
We live in a seemingly very sharply divided country among many other countries with deep divisions. What might happen if instead of judging or attempting to dehumanize those who speak of as others if we asked, “Where does it hurt?” We could also ask, “What is your loneliness like?” “What is your fear like?” or “What is the pain of your hunger or the hunger of your children like?”
The question is easy to ask. Being ready and willing to hear the answer with an open mind and heart might be frightening for many of us. Being willing allow the answers to touch our own hurt may feel like an even bigger risk. I suspect, however, that the biggest risk of all is not asking ourselves and others, “Where does it hurt.? “and commit to hearing the response. To refuse to ask or hear is to resign ourselves to the living dead.
Written January 22, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
I am sure that I have written on this topic previously, but as is my habit I did not look for or at my previous blog on this subject. I am, of course, always hopeful that my perspective and thinking has evolved or at least reach a new level of questioning.
The question is not original. Ruby Sales in her September 15, 2016 conversation with Krista Tippett talks about her earliest memory of asking that question. (program rebroadcast January 16, 2020). She says “I was getting my locks washed, and my locker’s daughter came in one morning , and she had been hustling all night. And she had sores on her body. And she was just in a state –drugs. So something said to me, ask her: ‘Where does it hurt?’ And I said, ‘Shelley where does in hurt?’”
Earlier in her conversation with Ms. Tippet, Ms. Sales asks, “What is that public theology can say to the white person in Massachusetts who’s been heroin-addicted? I don’t hear anyone speaking to the 45-year-old person in Appalachia who feels like they’ve been eradicated, because whiteness is so much smaller today than it was yesterday.”
This question has been much on my mind as I attempted to “listen”
to the responses to my recent blog about our relationship with guns and the second amendment and my follow up blog on listening with an open heart and mind.
I was encouraged by the fact that several people who both agreed and disagreed read and commented on the blog posts. I was also told that a number of others read what I had written but did not indicate that on the blog post. Certainly I was not surprised that people in both ends of the spectrum feel very passionate about these issues. I am well aware that there are a variety of emotions which influence one’s thoughts and reactions to these subjects. My best guess is that two emotions underlie many of the responses: fear and loneliness. Another word for loneliness might be disconnected.
I have suggested that I need to learn to listen to the pain which lies beneath the passion of many. I could easily borrow Ruby Sales question and ask, “Where does it hurt?” This is the essential question which must be addressed to those who are in early recovery from addictions to drugs and other substance and behaviors. All of those to whom I have talked feel as if they have lost not only a significant piece of their own journey but have witnessed and live with the death of spouses, family members and other friends . So far on this 22 day of January I am personally aware of 10 overdose deaths just in this small area of the Ohio Valley. That means that her are at least 20 times 10 family members, friends, colleagues, health care workers hurting as a result of these deaths. All or most of these have been living with the fear of overdose of that person for many years. We need to ask them, “Where does it hurt?” All those who have passionate emotions across of spectrum on our relationships with guns often come from a place of fear and extreme sadness. We need to ask them, “Where does it hurt?”
Many of our friends - fellow citizens - have family members serving in a combat area with the United States Military. We need to ask them, “Where does it hurt?” we need to ask the service member, “Where does it hurt when your friends die or lose body parts? Where does it hurt when you kill another human being no matter what label is used to dehumanize them?”
We live in a seemingly very sharply divided country among many other countries with deep divisions. What might happen if instead of judging or attempting to dehumanize those who speak of as others if we asked, “Where does it hurt?” We could also ask, “What is your loneliness like?” “What is your fear like?” or “What is the pain of your hunger or the hunger of your children like?”
The question is easy to ask. Being ready and willing to hear the answer with an open mind and heart might be frightening for many of us. Being willing allow the answers to touch our own hurt may feel like an even bigger risk. I suspect, however, that the biggest risk of all is not asking ourselves and others, “Where does it hurt.? “and commit to hearing the response. To refuse to ask or hear is to resign ourselves to the living dead.
Written January 22, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
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