Who am I – without my nationality, my race, my ethnic heritage, my current appearance, my sight, my education
Aging for those of us who do not have surgery to smooth out the wrinkles, to lift the sagging body parts, or bionic replacements is a rich spiritual time of this life journey when we are forced to confront who we are beneath the artificial and constructed differences of race, culture, nationality, temporary appearance, uplifted breasts, bulging muscles, erect penis, full balls, smooth thighs and legs unmarked by veins, lack of age spots, hair distributed in patterns which are culturally acceptable, a flat stomach and costume de jour. Some, of course, reach this stage at a much younger stage of life because of an illness, an accident or the deliberate disfigurement by another person or in an act of war. Some do not reach this stage of life until they are well into their seventies. If one has sufficient money or other costumes of prestige, one might be insulated from the knowledge of one’s nakedness for some time. Some pills can now insure firm erections for a longer period of time and surgery can ensure firm breasts for a time. In the end, if we live long enough, however, we all must face our own physical, emotional and spiritual limitations.
Some of us manage for a very long time to hold on to an internal image of ourselves as the prom queen or football star even those others may see extended bellies, soft muscles, varicose veins, fatty tissue deposits, celluloid, stooped back, thinning, dull hair, ashen or patsy skin tone
Few will see the emotionally and spiritually naked person in public unless, of course, one’s control has slipped to the extent that one’s anger, fearfulness, or hopelessness is worn out in public like the metal or plastic curlers of past times.
Nearly daily, it seems, I hear from a client or spend time with a client in my office who is distraught over their emotional and spiritual nakedness. Many are also sure that their body is not good enough although at some cognitive level they do accept that functionally all bodies are limited in some ways and skilled in other ways. They are clearly convinced that they are not worthy of love or respect. They are convinced that they are not enough physically, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually and/or financially. They may no longer have the energy or the means to don and wear the costume which hides their nakedness. At that moment, seldom does one want to hear that God loves them unconditionally or that we all age and lose the layers of costumes which skin, muscles and functionality may cover. Accepting that one is worth loving is very difficult when one feels just the opposite and “knows” if the other person could see their complete nakedness then that person would know how unworthy one is.
Often one does not want to see the nakedness of the other either because their nakedness would reveal one’s own shortcomings, flaws and why they are not unconditionally worth loving. Us humans often project our fear onto others.
This then is the existential dilemma; how to accept that as humans we are worthwhile. As we age or are with others whose illness or the results of an accident have left them naked, we are faced with the choice of deciding that none of us are worthwhile or that all of us are worthwhile. If we are able to step back, we will have to accept that none of us have a scientific system for deciding that one person is more worthwhile than another. None of us has a scientific system for assigning x points to this behavior or thought and Y points to that behavior or thought. Certainly, some behavior enhances the quality of life for others and some behavior distracts or hurts the quality of life for others. Yet, closely examined we have all hurt others and been helpful to others. There may be those whose brains are too damaged or limited by birth to consider the needs of others, but we can hardly hold them responsible.
It was Jesus who is reported to have said, “Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.” The Buddhist teachers with whom I have studied suggest that we can only grow spiritually if we quit keep thinking in terms of good or bad. Paradoxically they usually point out that the less we judge, the more we are able to focus on being our best selves. The more we are then able to treat others with love the more they will also be able to grow spiritually.
The quicker we accept what is evident in our nakedness the quicker we will grow into our best selves. Hopefully we do not have to wait until are old, infirmed and exposed before we are naked with ourselves and accept that being human is good enough. We can then focus on growing spiritually into our best selves – still human but kinder, gentler, stronger humans.
Written June 19, 2017
Aging for those of us who do not have surgery to smooth out the wrinkles, to lift the sagging body parts, or bionic replacements is a rich spiritual time of this life journey when we are forced to confront who we are beneath the artificial and constructed differences of race, culture, nationality, temporary appearance, uplifted breasts, bulging muscles, erect penis, full balls, smooth thighs and legs unmarked by veins, lack of age spots, hair distributed in patterns which are culturally acceptable, a flat stomach and costume de jour. Some, of course, reach this stage at a much younger stage of life because of an illness, an accident or the deliberate disfigurement by another person or in an act of war. Some do not reach this stage of life until they are well into their seventies. If one has sufficient money or other costumes of prestige, one might be insulated from the knowledge of one’s nakedness for some time. Some pills can now insure firm erections for a longer period of time and surgery can ensure firm breasts for a time. In the end, if we live long enough, however, we all must face our own physical, emotional and spiritual limitations.
Some of us manage for a very long time to hold on to an internal image of ourselves as the prom queen or football star even those others may see extended bellies, soft muscles, varicose veins, fatty tissue deposits, celluloid, stooped back, thinning, dull hair, ashen or patsy skin tone
Few will see the emotionally and spiritually naked person in public unless, of course, one’s control has slipped to the extent that one’s anger, fearfulness, or hopelessness is worn out in public like the metal or plastic curlers of past times.
Nearly daily, it seems, I hear from a client or spend time with a client in my office who is distraught over their emotional and spiritual nakedness. Many are also sure that their body is not good enough although at some cognitive level they do accept that functionally all bodies are limited in some ways and skilled in other ways. They are clearly convinced that they are not worthy of love or respect. They are convinced that they are not enough physically, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually and/or financially. They may no longer have the energy or the means to don and wear the costume which hides their nakedness. At that moment, seldom does one want to hear that God loves them unconditionally or that we all age and lose the layers of costumes which skin, muscles and functionality may cover. Accepting that one is worth loving is very difficult when one feels just the opposite and “knows” if the other person could see their complete nakedness then that person would know how unworthy one is.
Often one does not want to see the nakedness of the other either because their nakedness would reveal one’s own shortcomings, flaws and why they are not unconditionally worth loving. Us humans often project our fear onto others.
This then is the existential dilemma; how to accept that as humans we are worthwhile. As we age or are with others whose illness or the results of an accident have left them naked, we are faced with the choice of deciding that none of us are worthwhile or that all of us are worthwhile. If we are able to step back, we will have to accept that none of us have a scientific system for deciding that one person is more worthwhile than another. None of us has a scientific system for assigning x points to this behavior or thought and Y points to that behavior or thought. Certainly, some behavior enhances the quality of life for others and some behavior distracts or hurts the quality of life for others. Yet, closely examined we have all hurt others and been helpful to others. There may be those whose brains are too damaged or limited by birth to consider the needs of others, but we can hardly hold them responsible.
It was Jesus who is reported to have said, “Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.” The Buddhist teachers with whom I have studied suggest that we can only grow spiritually if we quit keep thinking in terms of good or bad. Paradoxically they usually point out that the less we judge, the more we are able to focus on being our best selves. The more we are then able to treat others with love the more they will also be able to grow spiritually.
The quicker we accept what is evident in our nakedness the quicker we will grow into our best selves. Hopefully we do not have to wait until are old, infirmed and exposed before we are naked with ourselves and accept that being human is good enough. We can then focus on growing spiritually into our best selves – still human but kinder, gentler, stronger humans.
Written June 19, 2017
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