Who are we?
For many reasons – AIDS epidemic, addiction, age, profession – I have often been present when an individual lived their last days. Occasionally, I find out that the person I thought I knew was not the person that others knew or the deceased person morphs into a person no one recognizes. Sometimes, as a way of dealing with one’s grief, one conjures up a person who bears little resemblance to the person that lived. I have, for example, been to the funeral of a person who spent time in my office with their spouse hurling vile names at each other. Yet, at the funeral, the surviving spouse indicates that they cannot live without this person who was always a perfect spouse. Other times, after a very quiet, reclusive, seemingly uneducated person dies, mourners find amazing poetry, artwork, or other gifts which has been held close and away from the awareness of others. Mourners may discover that a person they had thought of as happy spent much of his or her life deeply depressed.
Many of us spend a lifetime comparing our insides with the outside of others. We see others who appear to be more successful without giving much thought to emotional and spiritual success. I have worked/for with people whose public persona was affluent, respected, traditionally attractive, but who, behind closed doors, lived with domestic violence, addiction or some other nightmare.
I have met many people who passed as happy, but were privately miserable because they were shamefully hiding their sexuality or some other important part of who they were.
Each day all of us have an opportunity to decide the legacy we want to create and gift this life journey. Even if we live in a country or situation in which it is not safe to be publicly honest with who we really are, we have the opportunity to internally make peace and embrace who we know ourselves to be. We are not our worst fears, our anxiety, our illness or our limitations. We are not an entry in the social register or just a number in someone’s records.
One morning this week a young man I know completed a residential drug addiction treatment program. At the celebration of his completion, staff, family and co-residents gathered to share their gifts of love, hope, prayers and faith. Some of the qualities for which several people said they admired him were leadership, friendship, responsibility, and the passion to be a good father and partner. These qualities are the legacy, which this young man leaves with staff and co-residents. These qualities can also weave the legacy which he leaves in the next stage of his life journey.
No one mentioned money, possession, looks or other symbols which we sometimes associate with success. Of course, this young man wants to be able, along with his fiancé, to take care of their family. Yet, possessions and bank accounts will not define him.
His parents spoke of this young man as claiming the qualities he has always had. This is the son they loved for 29 years. His letting go of the addiction merely allowed their son to enter the stage of life.
Each of us has the opportunity to daily reassess who we are and whether we have the courage to come into ourselves; to leave a legacy of love, strength, and courage. If we have the courage to honestly look ourselves in our eyes each day we will find a person of whom we will be proud.
Written January 25, 2018
For many reasons – AIDS epidemic, addiction, age, profession – I have often been present when an individual lived their last days. Occasionally, I find out that the person I thought I knew was not the person that others knew or the deceased person morphs into a person no one recognizes. Sometimes, as a way of dealing with one’s grief, one conjures up a person who bears little resemblance to the person that lived. I have, for example, been to the funeral of a person who spent time in my office with their spouse hurling vile names at each other. Yet, at the funeral, the surviving spouse indicates that they cannot live without this person who was always a perfect spouse. Other times, after a very quiet, reclusive, seemingly uneducated person dies, mourners find amazing poetry, artwork, or other gifts which has been held close and away from the awareness of others. Mourners may discover that a person they had thought of as happy spent much of his or her life deeply depressed.
Many of us spend a lifetime comparing our insides with the outside of others. We see others who appear to be more successful without giving much thought to emotional and spiritual success. I have worked/for with people whose public persona was affluent, respected, traditionally attractive, but who, behind closed doors, lived with domestic violence, addiction or some other nightmare.
I have met many people who passed as happy, but were privately miserable because they were shamefully hiding their sexuality or some other important part of who they were.
Each day all of us have an opportunity to decide the legacy we want to create and gift this life journey. Even if we live in a country or situation in which it is not safe to be publicly honest with who we really are, we have the opportunity to internally make peace and embrace who we know ourselves to be. We are not our worst fears, our anxiety, our illness or our limitations. We are not an entry in the social register or just a number in someone’s records.
One morning this week a young man I know completed a residential drug addiction treatment program. At the celebration of his completion, staff, family and co-residents gathered to share their gifts of love, hope, prayers and faith. Some of the qualities for which several people said they admired him were leadership, friendship, responsibility, and the passion to be a good father and partner. These qualities are the legacy, which this young man leaves with staff and co-residents. These qualities can also weave the legacy which he leaves in the next stage of his life journey.
No one mentioned money, possession, looks or other symbols which we sometimes associate with success. Of course, this young man wants to be able, along with his fiancé, to take care of their family. Yet, possessions and bank accounts will not define him.
His parents spoke of this young man as claiming the qualities he has always had. This is the son they loved for 29 years. His letting go of the addiction merely allowed their son to enter the stage of life.
Each of us has the opportunity to daily reassess who we are and whether we have the courage to come into ourselves; to leave a legacy of love, strength, and courage. If we have the courage to honestly look ourselves in our eyes each day we will find a person of whom we will be proud.
Written January 25, 2018
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