Why the Catholic Church lies and why we are complicit.
Once again, it has been revealed that many Catholic priests have been very sexually active and have, at times, taken advantage of their position as priests to force or encourage someone to engage in sexual activity. There is some evidence that there may have some sexual activity with very young children who were not old enough to make an informed choice. There is also evidence that some were old enough to make an informed choice but might have been fearful of displeasing the priest. Still others, might have been flattered or even desirous of having a sexual relationship. Some were same sex relationship and some were opposite sex relationships. Many, if not most, required or demanded secrecy. A long-time housekeeper or other friend might have been fine with the arrangement. Yet, secrecy might have tainted even those relationships since secrecy often elicits shame. Some, such as the mother in the play Doubt, are, perversely, happy that some adult is paying attention to their child.
Some sexual abuse cases have been directly related to addiction. Once the addicted person was in active recovery there was no more abuse. Some Catholic dioceses had a priest on staff who regularly monitored and ministered to those priests who might have an addiction or mental health issue. Priests who were vulnerable to abusing themselves and other were sent off to long term treatment and then monitored/ministered to if and when they returned to active ministry. Many dioceses did indeed transfer the troubled priest from one parish to another pretending as if the problem would not reoccur. Some Bishops and others in authority deliberately ignored reports of possible sexual abuse. Some parish council members or other church members also deliberately chose to ignore reports or rumors of sexual abuse.
There has been a tradition among many who took a vow of celibacy to distinguish between chaste and celibate. A celibate person is unmarried and may or not be chaste. A number of individuals I know, including many priests, insist that their vow of celibacy does not prevent them from having sexual relationships as long their primary commitment is to the Church and/or Jesus.
Us humans often choose words carefully to convince ourselves that we are not engaging in a behavior which we have vowed not to engage in or which we would find shameful. There are, for example, many men who regularly have sex with men but who do not identify is gay or bisexual. There are men who believe that as long as they do not kiss the person with whom they are having a sexual relationship that they are not being unfaithful to their spouse. One man I knew convinced himself that he could have sex with a co-worker and not violating his marriage vows as long as he did not remove his underwear.
Actually, there is no end to the ways in which us humans justify sexual behavior which we might find shameful and/or which we might want to hide from ourselves, our spouse, our boss, religious superiors or whomever.
Some of us might view the clergy including the monsignors, bishops, cardinals, and even the popes and mother superior’s particularly hypocritical in their historic denial of the intensity and forms of our sexual desires as well as our behavior, but the truth is that unless one led a very sheltered life and possibly had a very low to non-existent sex drive one has been complicit in pretending as if most humans do not struggle with sexual desires and behavior.
We know that the porn industry is one of the post profitable industries world while. We know that child pornography no matter how much it may offend or disgust us is an also very profitable worldwide. Surely, we know that it is not just one or two very, very wealthy individuals supporting these industries.
We seem determined however to pretend as if we can spend enough time and energy locating and punishing those who sexual behavior falls outside of a proscribed traditional adult, heterosexual marriage. We may or may not have evolved to the point where we admit that those very same individuals do not only have intercourse when willing to conceive a child in the missionary position.
It seems axiomatic that we quit pointing fingers and we come to terms with the fact that we are all complicit in covering up and lying to ourselves and others about the need to work together to find ways to identify and deal with our sexual desires without abusing anyone or creating more shame. Just promising to identify criminals or abusers is not going to solve the problem. It is time to command “at ease” to our finger pointing, move on to more accurate diagnose of sexual issues and problem solve.
Written August 21, 2018
Once again, it has been revealed that many Catholic priests have been very sexually active and have, at times, taken advantage of their position as priests to force or encourage someone to engage in sexual activity. There is some evidence that there may have some sexual activity with very young children who were not old enough to make an informed choice. There is also evidence that some were old enough to make an informed choice but might have been fearful of displeasing the priest. Still others, might have been flattered or even desirous of having a sexual relationship. Some were same sex relationship and some were opposite sex relationships. Many, if not most, required or demanded secrecy. A long-time housekeeper or other friend might have been fine with the arrangement. Yet, secrecy might have tainted even those relationships since secrecy often elicits shame. Some, such as the mother in the play Doubt, are, perversely, happy that some adult is paying attention to their child.
Some sexual abuse cases have been directly related to addiction. Once the addicted person was in active recovery there was no more abuse. Some Catholic dioceses had a priest on staff who regularly monitored and ministered to those priests who might have an addiction or mental health issue. Priests who were vulnerable to abusing themselves and other were sent off to long term treatment and then monitored/ministered to if and when they returned to active ministry. Many dioceses did indeed transfer the troubled priest from one parish to another pretending as if the problem would not reoccur. Some Bishops and others in authority deliberately ignored reports of possible sexual abuse. Some parish council members or other church members also deliberately chose to ignore reports or rumors of sexual abuse.
There has been a tradition among many who took a vow of celibacy to distinguish between chaste and celibate. A celibate person is unmarried and may or not be chaste. A number of individuals I know, including many priests, insist that their vow of celibacy does not prevent them from having sexual relationships as long their primary commitment is to the Church and/or Jesus.
Us humans often choose words carefully to convince ourselves that we are not engaging in a behavior which we have vowed not to engage in or which we would find shameful. There are, for example, many men who regularly have sex with men but who do not identify is gay or bisexual. There are men who believe that as long as they do not kiss the person with whom they are having a sexual relationship that they are not being unfaithful to their spouse. One man I knew convinced himself that he could have sex with a co-worker and not violating his marriage vows as long as he did not remove his underwear.
Actually, there is no end to the ways in which us humans justify sexual behavior which we might find shameful and/or which we might want to hide from ourselves, our spouse, our boss, religious superiors or whomever.
Some of us might view the clergy including the monsignors, bishops, cardinals, and even the popes and mother superior’s particularly hypocritical in their historic denial of the intensity and forms of our sexual desires as well as our behavior, but the truth is that unless one led a very sheltered life and possibly had a very low to non-existent sex drive one has been complicit in pretending as if most humans do not struggle with sexual desires and behavior.
We know that the porn industry is one of the post profitable industries world while. We know that child pornography no matter how much it may offend or disgust us is an also very profitable worldwide. Surely, we know that it is not just one or two very, very wealthy individuals supporting these industries.
We seem determined however to pretend as if we can spend enough time and energy locating and punishing those who sexual behavior falls outside of a proscribed traditional adult, heterosexual marriage. We may or may not have evolved to the point where we admit that those very same individuals do not only have intercourse when willing to conceive a child in the missionary position.
It seems axiomatic that we quit pointing fingers and we come to terms with the fact that we are all complicit in covering up and lying to ourselves and others about the need to work together to find ways to identify and deal with our sexual desires without abusing anyone or creating more shame. Just promising to identify criminals or abusers is not going to solve the problem. It is time to command “at ease” to our finger pointing, move on to more accurate diagnose of sexual issues and problem solve.
Written August 21, 2018
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