Words of convenience
I often think about the power of words, especially descriptive words and how casually many of us seem to toss them into the air to land where they might; to land where they encourage ignorance; to land where perhaps they will enlighten; to land where they may cause deep wounds; to land where they join other words to form a story which often gives the illusion of truth, justice, or resolution. The word perpetrator is such a word. Toss it out there and soon it may be joined by words or phrases such as rape, power, worthless, scum, fear, shame, undeserving, touching without touching, escape, momentary relief, anger, escape, empty, disconnected, throwaway, dangerous, unwanted, unloved, or fear.
We know that rape is often about power; about using another person and treating them as worthless as the perpetrator feels he or she has been treated. We know that rape is certainly not about consensual love making or recreational sex. We know it is not about sex per se although some do report that sexual activity functions much like a drug which provides some momentary relief. We know that rape is about the inability to focus on the needs or feelings of the one being raped.
We know the that rape is the symptom of some pain, of some deep wound which has resulted in the loss of trust, hope, or ability to care about the needs or feelings of the other person. We know that the rapist may not be able to trust enough to explore that deep, painful wound which has led to them behaving in this deeply disturbing and painful manner. We know that the rapist may attempt to explain or make sense of his or her behavior by blaming another person or events. Many will view the rapist as a throw away as in lock them up and throw away the key or even “kill the evil person”.
I am not suggesting that forced and perhaps physically hurtful sexual behavior is ever okay. I am suggesting that treating the perpetrator of rape as this this person who is not worth reclaiming; as this person who is not worth saving but whom locking up and treating like a piece of garbage benefits no one long term. We may or may not find a way to undercover the pain or the brain dysfunction which led to such terrible behavior but the present system is spiritually and financially very expensive and does not help prevent future acts of violence which are not primarily sexual in nature but about a temporary feeling of power and relief.
Words are easy to toss around. It is much harder to identify and treat the underlying causes. In the long run, however, it is more effective and benefits everyone including the perpetrator.
The perpetrator Is someone’s son or daughter. He or she did not make a conscious decision to be that person who had violent urges they felt unable to control. They are a human being worthy of love with a brain disorder which we may learn how to treat. Treating them as this bad, worthless person benefits no one. Paradoxically, we treat the perpetrator just as the perpetrator has treated the person they raped. Who does this benefit?
Written June 12, 2019
I often think about the power of words, especially descriptive words and how casually many of us seem to toss them into the air to land where they might; to land where they encourage ignorance; to land where perhaps they will enlighten; to land where they may cause deep wounds; to land where they join other words to form a story which often gives the illusion of truth, justice, or resolution. The word perpetrator is such a word. Toss it out there and soon it may be joined by words or phrases such as rape, power, worthless, scum, fear, shame, undeserving, touching without touching, escape, momentary relief, anger, escape, empty, disconnected, throwaway, dangerous, unwanted, unloved, or fear.
We know that rape is often about power; about using another person and treating them as worthless as the perpetrator feels he or she has been treated. We know that rape is certainly not about consensual love making or recreational sex. We know it is not about sex per se although some do report that sexual activity functions much like a drug which provides some momentary relief. We know that rape is about the inability to focus on the needs or feelings of the one being raped.
We know the that rape is the symptom of some pain, of some deep wound which has resulted in the loss of trust, hope, or ability to care about the needs or feelings of the other person. We know that the rapist may not be able to trust enough to explore that deep, painful wound which has led to them behaving in this deeply disturbing and painful manner. We know that the rapist may attempt to explain or make sense of his or her behavior by blaming another person or events. Many will view the rapist as a throw away as in lock them up and throw away the key or even “kill the evil person”.
I am not suggesting that forced and perhaps physically hurtful sexual behavior is ever okay. I am suggesting that treating the perpetrator of rape as this this person who is not worth reclaiming; as this person who is not worth saving but whom locking up and treating like a piece of garbage benefits no one long term. We may or may not find a way to undercover the pain or the brain dysfunction which led to such terrible behavior but the present system is spiritually and financially very expensive and does not help prevent future acts of violence which are not primarily sexual in nature but about a temporary feeling of power and relief.
Words are easy to toss around. It is much harder to identify and treat the underlying causes. In the long run, however, it is more effective and benefits everyone including the perpetrator.
The perpetrator Is someone’s son or daughter. He or she did not make a conscious decision to be that person who had violent urges they felt unable to control. They are a human being worthy of love with a brain disorder which we may learn how to treat. Treating them as this bad, worthless person benefits no one. Paradoxically, we treat the perpetrator just as the perpetrator has treated the person they raped. Who does this benefit?
Written June 12, 2019
RSS Feed