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Prayer

9/8/2018

Prayer

In recent years, I had found myself thinking more about the nature and meaning of prayer. I do not recall a lot of discussion about this subject when I was getting my masters in divinity, but I suspect that this is because my aged mind has discarded so much information or, if not discarded, placed information is the sub-basement of my mind. There is also the strong possibility that many of us attending seminary were so focused on the word becoming flesh -focusing on social action – that we discounted discussion about such topics as the nature of prayer.

As I write this morning, in the forefront of my mind are:

The serenity prayer written by Reinhold Niebuhr the short version of which is: God, grand me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
The words of Father Greg Boyle who understands the primary purpose of prayer to give thanks.
What is known in the Christian church as “The Lord’s Prayer”: Our Father, which art in heaven, hallowed be thy Name. Thy Kingdom comes. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, As we forgive them that trespass against us. And Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, The power, and the glory, For ever and ever. Amen.”
The words of Marilyn Nelson and Pådraig ÓTuama in a On Being Conversation with host Kirsta Tippett (September 6, 2018)

Pádraig ÓTuma reminds the listener that the word prayer comes from a French word meaning to ask, then he says, “…I really think that prayer is also not only naming and asking, but just saying hello to what is and trying to be brave, trying to be courageous in that situation and trying to be generous to your own self, also.”

Perhaps many would say that prayer is that moment when we attempt to get honest with ourselves and, thus, with what we understand to be a higher power.   For others such as Marilyn Nelson prayer is also that moment when we get quiet enough to listen.

When I think of prayer I think of energy. In my mind prayers are thoughts with wings which travel through the air to that person or persons of whom I might be thinking. If the prayer is for myself the energy of the prayer is the strength which allows me to, for a moment at least, to accept my powerlessness and focus on unconditionally loving myself and others; on being with myself and others without labels or judgments. More likely, however, prayer is that noisy time when I attempt to be present in love but am aware of judgmental labels or other judgmental thoughts.

In the 12 step programs which began with Alcoholic Anonymous people often talk of the HOW of the program – honesty, open mindedness and willingness. Often my prayer is a reminder to myself that it is safe to be honest, open minded and willing to learn; that it is not only safe but also a precondition for assuming my place as an integral part of the universe(s).   For me this requires a humility which also includes an awareness that, as Father Boyle reminds himself and others, that I did not choose to be born with certain luxuries or privileges available to me any more than I chose to be born with certain hardships such as emotionally, financially and spiritually challenges parents. If I have food, clothing, a safe home and other conditions or things, it is not because I am more special or important than others. All I have are gifts for which I want to be humbly grateful.

Honesty about my pain, frustration, confusion, doubt or even anger may be the first part of prayer. Whatever I am feeling; whoever I am at this moment I must bring to that I choose to call prayer.   For me, “This is it. This is who and what I am at this moment. I am worthy of forgiveness, love, and strong enough to hear what I know to be true and right and good.” Perhaps prayer then is a state of being rather than a conversation with something outside myself; a communication with the core of who I am as an integral part of a whole.

Written September 8, 2018

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The language of math

9/7/2018

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The language of math

One might have noticed that some of us humans have a tendency to complicate the simplest issues. I recall in graduate school being told by a doctoral student that I if I wanted my papers or articles to be taken serious I should always use some Latin phases. I remarked that I had not had the luxury of studying Latin as a child. He replied that it was not important to know Latin. One simply had make it seem as if one did. He also did not know Latin but always inserted Latin phrases in his academic papers. This was before goggle which now makes it very easy to insert a phase in any language and appear to very learned; as if being learned could be equated with being wise.

I was thinking about this subject when a friend told me his son got an A in English and an F in math. This is sadly not uncommon. Few of us learn that math is simply a language to talk about or describe a relationship between two or more objects or people.

If one looks up the definition of math in the Oxford dictionary one finds: “The abstract science of number, quantity, and space, either as abstract concept (pure mathematics), or as applied to other disciplines such as physics and engineering (applied mathematics).”

While this definition may be technically correct and how the subject is taught in school, it sounds very abstract and complicated. It does not suggest that:

One healthy persons plus one unhealthy person equals two unhealthy people: 1 + -1 = -2.
One cup of coffee not bought times 30 days at $1.50.00 a cup (gas station coffee) equals $45.00 times 12 equals $450.00 equals freedom to quit sending lender on vacation as a result of paying high interest.
One slave times 10000 days equals pain, community dissonance equals anger, resentment, hopelessness equals death equals second amendment “rights” arguments equals hate equals justifications equals more hate.
One social construct of sexism, racism, or other isms plus x number of people equals hurt, violence, hate and the absence of community.

One could cite many positive and negative examples of relationships between us humans, the molecules which make up a substance, the moon to the earth, or how x helpings of sugar molecules plays with the balance within the human body.

Using symbols which are called numbers are in some ways equivalent to using emoji to communicate thoughts or feelings about relationships. The bottom line is that those who learn from a teacher that math is a language to talk about relationships tend to love the language of math and to be able to use it in their everyday lives. Many of us will never learn or care to learn to use math to describe multi-level scientific relationships but we can appreciate and enjoy using the language of math to understand and describe how part of various substances, objects and people relate to each other.

Written September 7, 2018

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The color of greed

9/6/2018

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The color of geed

Oxford dictionary defines greed as: “Intense and selfish desire for something, especially wealth, power, or food.” I was thinking about greed this morning while listening to a Ted Talk by Ben Cort entitled “What commercialization is doing to cannabis” His talk gives some very interesting statistics on how the legalization and, subsequent commercialization of cannabis has negatively affected poor people and people of color in Colorado. He also talks about the fact that the two primary ingredients in marijuana are CBD and THC. CBD is the medicinal part of the plant and THC is the part of the plant that produces a high. In Colorado the focus has been on increasing the percentage of THC in the plant by growing it indoors and using pesticides and fertilizers.

Interestingly Mr. Cort, an educator, states that in Colorado: “According to the Colorado Department of Public Safely, since we opened retail in 2014 – almost all of which are in poor, minority neighborhoods-we saw an eight percent reduction in the arrest of white kids for weed-related activity. Good on ‘em. During that same time period, there was a 29 percent increase in the arrest of Hispanic kids for weed-related activity and a 58 percent increase in the arrest of black kids for weed-related crimes.”

Mr. Cort, himself a recovering addict, is not against the recreational use of marijuana. He is against the abuse of any drug and the abuse of others in order to make a profit; what the companies are doing to increase the amount of THC in their product, the neighborhoods in which they are setting up shop, and how their product affects those in the neighborhood.

The bottom line is that the growers and sellers are making a huge profit with little concern for how it is affecting those who are predominantly buying and using their product. Most of the profit is not from CBD sales. It is from enhanced THC (the word enhanced is mine) sales.

Last evening, I was talking with some friends about the amount of money that West Virginia Supreme Court judges spent on redecorating their offices. One bought a couch for $32,000.00. Another friend and I were talking about how many members of congress and other wealthy individuals benefit from farm subsidies.

I am not, despite the urging of some for whom I have deep respect, willing to say that all those who get rich off the backs of the poor or others with little power in our communities are evil people. I do, however, want to suggest that the essential issues we need to address in our community if we want to reduce the number of people we are incarcerated, the number of active addicts and the overall poverty rate are:

Pretending as if addiction to power, money, self-importance or better than are different issues than addiction to drugs, sex or food is not accurate or helpful.
The definition of success or winning cannot be about the number of toys one has whether the toys be houses, cars, electronic devices, clothes, expensive paintings, expensive alcohol or other things.
Either we are all equally sacred/important/worthwhile or none of us are.
All have different talents and contributions to make to the community. All contributions are equally valuable.
Nice things are nice! I am sure some luxury cars ride smoother and are more comfortable than my relatively inexpensive car. I personally really like my air conditioning, indoor plumbing, electricity, gas, a comfortable home, good food and other things that make life more pleasurable and easier. These things do not, however, define me or make me better than. I am blessed to have been given an ability to earn money to have access to them. I am not more deserving than anyone else in the community.
Greed is a method of attempting to convince oneself that he/she who has the most toys wins. It is not a moral failing any more than addiction. It is a gross lie.

Written September 6, 2018

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I will survive

9/5/2018

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I will survive

As I approach the 8th decade of my life, I become more appreciative of the comparison between the seasons of the year and the seasons of one’s life. It is not surprising this analogy is common among social scientists as well as poets.

Whether I am gathering with friends and colleagues in the mountains of North Carolina, enjoying hours of stimulating conversations with “retired’ friends and colleagues in Florida, gathering at the funeral home to help celebrate the life of someone who nearly reached the 9th decade of life, or enjoying amazing music at the Blossom Music Festival, it seems most of those I know who are now in the 7th, 8th and 9th decade enjoy a new sense of freedom and excitement in this stage of life. To be sure, some parts of the body may require a little more WD-40 than they did at 20, but even if some cane or even wheelchair assistance is needed, no place is too far away to make new discoveries of interesting food, refreshing opinions or amazing music.

As a young man I, as I am sure is still true for many young people, was constrained by the pressure to “make something of myself”, climb the highest professional mountain, make my parents proud, and obey all the culturally imposed rules. I often described this stage of life as life happening to me rather than me making choices. I “ended up” at places and institutions. No matter that they might have been considered prestigious places or institutions by some, they were not those which would encourage me to blossom into the man who would dance his own dance.

By the time I was in my forties I was emerging from my self-imposed cocoon. I was studying classical dance, exploring new possibilities professionally, and discovering that I could disco dance to the sounds of Gloria Gaynor’s “I will survive” until the hour when respectful people were in bed.

I began to discover that I had opinions and my own bounce. Some of my friends began to label my dance as flamboyant. It seemed that my spirit engine had been taken over by the likes of the energized bunny, Gloria Gaynor, and a cat with a curiosity which could complete with any scientist.

One might say that I had arrived at the ball and I did not notice when the clock struck midnight.

As I approach my 8th decade I am still in the process of arriving and claiming the zest for life which is not bound by anyone’s else rules; what others might think or say. Although I do not want to be disrespectful or offend anyone, neither will I sink into the winter season unless, of course, it is in the comfort of a spa in the Swiss Alps or even the West Virginia mountains surrounded by exciting, sensuous, people who are also claiming the spring of winter.

Let’s dance! Welcome winter, spring, summer, and fall!

September 5, 2018
501 words

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Lies we tell ourselves about money

9/4/2018

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Lies we tell ourselves about money

I was talking to a friend yesterday who mentioned in a imessage that he had never been able to make and stick with a budget. I was talking to another friend this morning who has a lot of debt, but will buy clothes and other things he does not need rather than paying down on his debt. Yet, another friend of mine struggles with paying off debt and, thus, saving the money she now pays in interest. None of these individuals are lacking in the skills or intelligence that they need to change their relationships with money. Yet, they, like many others, struggle with managing their money. Their money management habits cause them a lot of stress and shame, sometimes trapping them in jobs or other relationships which they do not find satisfying.

This morning, while at the gym, I opened the Ted talks app to a talk by Tammy Lally entitled “Let’s get honest about our money problems.”. She talks about what she and her siblings learned about money while children. In her family, as in many families, the finances of the family were a closely guarded secret. We all know that when we have negative secrets there is likely to be feelings of shame. When Ms. Lally’s brother was struggling with money issues she had a tough love talk with him. He later had more money issues and eventually committed suicide leaving a young child, a wife and many bills. Ms. Lally later concluded that he needed compassion and not tough love. She also discovered when she lost her job in the big crash that she, too, had a lot of shame issues connected with money.

The amount of money we have or the amount of money we are perceived to have far too often determines our sense of worth. We have learned from the time we were very young that:

Successful people – sans Mother Theresa – make a substantial amount of money.
Successful people have a nice (large, well appointed) home, an expensive car, and elegant clothes.
Successful people are respected by others in the community.
Successful people are good people.
God rewards good people materially.
Successful people look perpetually young, happy, and have fabulous romantic lives.
God loves successful people.

Just this morning when reading the local newspaper, I read that “vagrants” had been living in an abandoned building. Only once in the article the term homeless was used to describe the same people. The word vagrant is defined by the Oxford Dictionary as “A person without a settled home or regular work who wanders from place to place and lives by begging.” What the article does not initially say is that they are talking about a person who may be homeless for a number of reasons. These may include those who:

Have fallen into the trap of trying to prove that they are successful and, thus, a good person, by living beyond their means, losing their job and becoming homeless.
Have, because of mental illness, been unable to support themselves and, for a variety of reasons, have not been helped to get disability and access to housing under government programs.
Have because of an addicted disorder been unable to maintain a job and have no money for a house.
Have become disillusioned with the “rat race”; have not found a sense of purpose which is meaningful.
Do not have a trust fund or wealthy family members who keep them hidden or who support their belief that they were meant to just enjoy the riches of their birthright.
Have such acute grief, PTSD or other pain that they cannot function in traditional society.
Have not found their way to one of the intentional communities which work together to take care of each other without having to make it in the rat race.

If honest, many in our community are just one paycheck away from being homeless (vagrants) if they do not have friends or family who could provide housing for them. As we know from the most recent financial crisis in the United States many people define themselves by the amount of income and paper wealth. When they lost that income or paper wealth, they could not live with the consequent internalized shame and committed suicide.

From 1999 to 2014 the suicide rate in the United States increased 24% to 13 per 100,000. I did not find any statistics that indicated how many of these suicides were, as was true for Ms. Lally’s brother, directly related to shame about their relationship with money and the messages associated with that relationship.

The bottom line is that all of us need to be clear about the messages we have internalized about our relationship with money; about the lies we have internalized regarding the relationship between self worth and money or the perception of having money.

Written September 4, 2018

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Labor Day - September 3, 2018

9/3/2018

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Labor Day - September 3, 2018

Here in the United States it is the day set aside to honor those who are part of the workforce. In 1872 in Toronto workers demonstrated demanding rights for workers.   In 1882 about 100 workers took uppaid leave in New York City and demonstrated. At that time, many worked an average of 12 hours a day seven days a week. Children as young as five and six worked in factories and mines, often in unsafe conditions. (Forbes.com) It behooves us to remember that those who have been touted as philanthropists were often the owners of businesses which made a significant profit on the backs of the average worker. Although this has changed for some workers, many of those whose generous giving we celebrate continue to get rich by making a huge profit off of products which poor people need to survive. In some company both wages and working conditions are improved although recent political conditions are making it possible to dilute the power and rights of works to a decent wage and safe working conditions. There is, for example, an increase in the number of men and women with black lung disease.

Many of us no longer do physical labor although there are still many that I know who work very demanding long days performing hard physical labor. Some of these workers are decently paid but are expected to put personal and family needs aside.

Many of us take for granted the ability to go to a large chain grocery store where are filled with products from all over the world. They are much different than the grocery store at which my mother shopped as sparingly as possible.   While shopping we may not be thinking of the back-breaking work of the farm hand who is working in the fields or the factory worker who may or may not paid a living wage. In my home, there are many products which are wholly or, in part, from factories which may or may not have safe conditions and where workers may or may not be paid a decent wage.

Many of us enjoy many luxuries which are parents and grandparents did not have, but which we now see as necessities. We may or may not stop to think about the systemic price our neighbors are paying for our convenient luxuries.

I was listening to a person who worked in the steel mills until he retired. He talked of the satisfaction after doing a hard-physical days’ work.   I grew up mostly in the country and worked very hard. Later I worked in offices and sometimes back on a farm. When first in graduate school I worked for a time at a local dairy farm.   My job was to wash off the cows prior to them being hooked up to the milking machine. Sometimes I also operated a jack hammer or stood on top of a hot boxcar assisting the damp feed to get loose enough to be taken out of the box car. The physical exhaustion in the hot New Jersey son or the cold winter could leave one drained, but there was, as the person being interviewed said, a sense of satisfaction which one does not always have after a long day working at a desk in a clean, crisp costume.

Today, on this day set aside for the worker who did not go to a well-equipped gym this morning, have a delicious breakfast in a restaurant while visiting a friend, or drive a safe car, I will stop to consider the systemic price of the luxuries I enjoy but which I did not earn by working harder or being considered more sacred by the god of my understanding. Today I will be more aware of my own arrogance and my relatively lack of gratitude and humility. Today I will give thanks for Grace – for gifts I did not earn but which all deserve.

Written September 3, 2018

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September 02nd, 2018

9/2/2018

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Sunday Musings – September 2, 2018

Always, when I return home being with friends, doing an exciting workshop or any activity which has fed my mind and heart there is a sense of dis-ease as if my mind and the rest of my body is struggling to find a new center which incorporates all the recent experiences. The temptation is to just get busy with the long list of tasks which always await one after having been gone a day, a week or longer. Actually, I did get busy as soon as I arrived home. I unpacked the car, put away the groceries I had stopped to buy, changed the flowers in the office and living room and then unpacked the suitcases. Later I did the laundry. While the machines were doing the work of washing and drying the clothes, I responded email and other electronic notes.

Today I am back to my normal Sunday routine of email, gym and breakfast. Later I will sort and take action when needed with the mail, return phone calls, pay bills, do expense report from the trip and, if time permits, clean.

While doing these tasks I will hold tight to the memory of the loving and fun time I spent with friends, colleagues and some clients. I will also hold tight to the memory of the fact that many, many people celebrated the life and values of both John McCain and Aretha Franklin this week. It is obvious that their core of character, whether one agreed or disagreed with their ideas of the road to a more loving and just world, resonated with much a large group of individuals.

Since I have a history of being cradled in the framework of the Christian Church and it is the day when many Christians celebrate the Sabbath I will also remind myself of the example of Christ; this man who did nothing extraordinary on a day to day basis. He was not a famous author, actor, politician or CEO. He did not distinguish himself as a Rabbi within the structure of the Jewish religion. He showed up, listened, loved, occasionally offered advice or reminders and openly shared some very human moments of frustration. He loved unconditionally, especially, those who many of us find difficult to love without judging.

I am not sure what he did with his laundry and some other daily chores. Clearly, he did not possess the number of costumes and the truckloads of stuff which imprison many of us.

As I make this transition to my home here in Wheeling I will prayerfully and with gratitude go about the tasks on my list reconnecting with this space and all the things which hold memories of the loving people in my life who feed my heart and my mind. As I reconnect, I will add the new memories which will increase the depth of love which always surrounds me. I am home.

Written September 2, 2018

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Prayer

The language of math

The color of greed

I will survive

Lies we tell ourselves about money

Labor Day - September 3, 2018

September 02nd, 2018

Jimmy Pickett is a life student who happens to be a licensed counselor and an addiction counselor. He is a student of Buddhism with a background of Christianity and a Native American heritage.

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