Alone
Filling the hole
At some point in this life journey most, if not all of us humans, face the reality that although we are interconnected with all that comprises the universe(s) we are, at the very same time, completely alone. Even twins, triplets or other who are part of a multiple birth at some point have to face their aloneness. Their sense of aloneness may not be experienced as quickly as is true for others or it may be experienced earlier and more profoundly.
Frequently whenever we experience this profound realization of aloneness we are tempted to fill it with busyness, alcohol, other drugs, food, work, community service, sex, power, the corner office, inflation of ego by oppressing others, or sinking into a hole of hopelessness. Of course, all of these may briefly help but not for long. We may try more and or of our drug or activity of choice only to find out that the hole is still there plus one has the adverse side effects.
Sadly, these side effects often permanently disable or even kill. Daily I learn of the death of someone I know who has died of an overdose, alcohol poisoning, or direct suicide. Daily I talk to people who are convinced that they do not have what it takes to face this profound feeling of aloneness
Yesterday, in her weekly blog, my good friend Becky Johnen reminded her readers of the morale of the story of The Wizard of Oz. Dorothy, the Scarecrow, the Tin Man, and the Lion all discover that they have always had what they thought they were missing. The long trip on the yellow brick road was unnecessary. They did not need the wizard to tell them how to find the parts they thought were missing. Dorothy merely had to click her heels to get home. The scarecrow had a brain; the Tin Man a heart and the Lion courage. Likewise we all have our essential parts. Wen can be at peace with the fact that we are both interconnected and profoundly alone. We do not have to be fearful or anxious.
When we let go of whatever we have attempted to fill the hole with, we will initially feel even more alone. We will be tempted to sink into depression or run to collect whatever we hope will fill up the hole or numb the awareness. We may cry out with pain; have an anxiety attack or feel as if we are going to drown in emptiness. Yet, all we need to do is to notice these feelings without commenting on them or feeding them by labeling them as good or bad. As we sit quietly and practice deep nostril breathing in and out we will experience the aloneness as peace. The negative sense of aloneness may later return because this is the habit of our body and our psyche. Again just notice. If, however, one has not taken time to eat, sleep, exercise, and receive emotional and spiritual support (what AA calls HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) one will notice muscle memory taking over and one will again experience the agonizing hole of aloneness. Take care of oneself trusting that the feeling will diminish.
The irony is that once we are settled into being okay with ourselves we are ready to have a partnership, enjoy work, or some other activity. We are not, however, ready to be self-destructive again. Something or someone may trigger the old cravings for alcohol, drugs, sex, possessions, power or an inflated ego but we gently remind ourselves or call a friends who will remind one that what one needs one already has. One merely has to quietly trust and reclaim one’s wholeness.
Written June 2, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
Filling the hole
At some point in this life journey most, if not all of us humans, face the reality that although we are interconnected with all that comprises the universe(s) we are, at the very same time, completely alone. Even twins, triplets or other who are part of a multiple birth at some point have to face their aloneness. Their sense of aloneness may not be experienced as quickly as is true for others or it may be experienced earlier and more profoundly.
Frequently whenever we experience this profound realization of aloneness we are tempted to fill it with busyness, alcohol, other drugs, food, work, community service, sex, power, the corner office, inflation of ego by oppressing others, or sinking into a hole of hopelessness. Of course, all of these may briefly help but not for long. We may try more and or of our drug or activity of choice only to find out that the hole is still there plus one has the adverse side effects.
Sadly, these side effects often permanently disable or even kill. Daily I learn of the death of someone I know who has died of an overdose, alcohol poisoning, or direct suicide. Daily I talk to people who are convinced that they do not have what it takes to face this profound feeling of aloneness
Yesterday, in her weekly blog, my good friend Becky Johnen reminded her readers of the morale of the story of The Wizard of Oz. Dorothy, the Scarecrow, the Tin Man, and the Lion all discover that they have always had what they thought they were missing. The long trip on the yellow brick road was unnecessary. They did not need the wizard to tell them how to find the parts they thought were missing. Dorothy merely had to click her heels to get home. The scarecrow had a brain; the Tin Man a heart and the Lion courage. Likewise we all have our essential parts. Wen can be at peace with the fact that we are both interconnected and profoundly alone. We do not have to be fearful or anxious.
When we let go of whatever we have attempted to fill the hole with, we will initially feel even more alone. We will be tempted to sink into depression or run to collect whatever we hope will fill up the hole or numb the awareness. We may cry out with pain; have an anxiety attack or feel as if we are going to drown in emptiness. Yet, all we need to do is to notice these feelings without commenting on them or feeding them by labeling them as good or bad. As we sit quietly and practice deep nostril breathing in and out we will experience the aloneness as peace. The negative sense of aloneness may later return because this is the habit of our body and our psyche. Again just notice. If, however, one has not taken time to eat, sleep, exercise, and receive emotional and spiritual support (what AA calls HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) one will notice muscle memory taking over and one will again experience the agonizing hole of aloneness. Take care of oneself trusting that the feeling will diminish.
The irony is that once we are settled into being okay with ourselves we are ready to have a partnership, enjoy work, or some other activity. We are not, however, ready to be self-destructive again. Something or someone may trigger the old cravings for alcohol, drugs, sex, possessions, power or an inflated ego but we gently remind ourselves or call a friends who will remind one that what one needs one already has. One merely has to quietly trust and reclaim one’s wholeness.
Written June 2, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
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