Many truths
 
Much of my responsibility as an adult who is dependent on and responsible to all those who lives I directly ad n indirectly touch is to examine those “truth” which I hold as self-evident.   For better or worse I began to internalize truths about myself, others and the entire universe as a young child.  Often these truth were  adopted from my parents and other adults who had adopted them from their r and other teachers.    Many, if not most, of these “truths” had not been arrived at via the rigors of scientific studies which started with the null hypotheses.  Some of these truth I deduced from my observations as a very young child.   I am not sure how old I was when on our street in Chicago I noticed a man had fallen down.  Apparently I decided or someone told me he was drunk.  We (my mother, sister and I ) walked around the man.   Also in my memory some remark was made about the fact that he was an African  American.   Young children use their limited knowledge to translate what they “hear” adults such as parents saying.  Frequently they do not fact check to see if that is what their parents intended for them to hear or see.   Sometimes we parents give contradictory or confusing truths to our children.   My mother, for example, in my memory said, “Those people are okay as long as they stay on their side of the tracks.  I am not prejudiced about those people.”    That is very confusing, especially when one lives in a world which clearly values some people and devalues others.   I did “hear” from somewhere that racism was bad and when I used racism to get me out of trouble at age 5 I felt immediately guilty and carried that guilt with me  well into my 5th decade.
 
The point is, however, if we want to be our best selves as adults, we need to systematically fact check every “truth” we have learned about ourselves, each other and the rest of the world.      We need to continue to be wary of any information we hear and do our best to look for evidence to prove or disprove its validity.    Fortunately there are professionals  who do fact check some of the news including what politicians say.   Yet as humans we often tend to looks for “facts” which validate what we already believe.  It behooves us to constantly question our willingness to consider data which may conflict what we want to believe or what we are most comfortable believing.
 
The older I get the fewer facts I know.  I do often know what my very selective and flawed memory tells me.  The “truth” is that my memory tells me  X.  There may as many versions of  X as there were observers of X.
I  often know I want to believe, for example, that humans are basically good if their  brain is functioning  as it was intended to function; that us humans will naturally help each other if we have not been taught to believe that some are not deserving of help.   It is also  my experience that us humans can easily be seduced by offers of people, places and things which offer a temporary high.  We have to be able to carefully examine the price of a temporarh high for self and others.   Very often a temporary is not worth the price. 
 
Having said all this, as I age,  I have found that there are a few facts which I have yet to disprove.   These are:

• If I  am intentional about daily health care – emotional, physical, spiritual and nutritional – I feel and function better.
• Love is more effective than hate, anger or punishment.
• This life journey is very brief.
• I am powerless over people, places and things.
• Mother nature is in charge although we can have a negative effect on how it functioning, i. e. climate.
• The unexamined life is not worth living.
• It only takes 10 minutes to travel from age 1 to 100.
• I hear, see, smell and taste with my brain.  This is where we interpret incoming stimuli.
• My mind creates my reality and, if not careful, I mistake it for external or universal reality.

 
I am sure most readers can add to this list,  What I hope readers will take from this blog is the reminder that “TRUTH”  is very elusive and relative.   We all need to be very cautious about mistaking our truth for the truth.
 
Written April 17, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett, LPC, AADC
 
 
 
​

Religion vs religious institutions vs spiritual  vs at home
 
If we mention the word religion many of us will have a very negative reaction.    For many of us religion is associated with an institution, the representatives of which work hard to convince us and others that we are sinners and unless we deny who we are destined to be eternally punished.  Often some adult males who in a particular society are elevated to the role of leaders because of their family background, their gender, the race, the sexual orientation, their social class or some other criteria have decided what writings are sacred, how to interpret those writings and how to apply their interpretations to the rest of the community or at least the community members who are acceptable in that framework.   All too often, women, poor people, “lower class people”, those who admit to other than heterosexual desires, those who are not identified as a particular race, and those who question the authority of the leaders will be excluded  either from that religious group or from the leadership of that religious group.   Interpretations of religious books are consistent with what will allow that elite/selective group of people to hold on to the leadership and, thus, the power in that institution.
 
In other words, for many religion is indeed what Karl Marx referred to as the opium of the people.  Is not surprising that many who  are struggling with recovering from active addiction find the 12 step program a hinderance and not an aide to their recovery.  Although many of the 12 step programs stress that they are a spiritual program and not a religious program, the word god – god of one’s understanding  - the use of the term god triggers very painful associations.  In some of the 12 step meetings I have attended Christian prayers such as “The Lord’s Prayer” are recited.  The serenity prayer is  a prayer and uses the word god.
 
Even the word spiritual is associated with negative connotation for many.  Oxford dictionary defines spiritual as “connected with the human spirit, rather than the body or physical things.”  Spirit is another of those loosely defined concepts which by definition is ethereal – something which  can  easily lead to questions of the basic nature of humans. Are we humans by nature good, bad, evil, sinful, caring, self-centered, survivalist  or none of these?  Can one equate spirit with energy which is neither created nor destroyed?   How do we account for the fact that the DNA contains a detailed history of all our ancestors?  How do we account for the fact that so many humans are loving and generous?  How do we account for the fact that so many humans are not able or willing to consider the rights or needs others? 
What kind of sick god would allow despotic rulers, pandemics or gas chambers.   How do we account for the fact that out of religious institutions often comes powerful leaders for social justice as well as those who are  the most nefarious oppressors?
 
These questions are addressed by philosophers and theologians in  volumes which require the time, patience, and skills of those who speak  refined and eloquent “double speak”- as opposed to the crass double speak of charlatans.
 
What if we might never have the answers but can focus on what intuitively seems to be the best of us humans – taking care of each other;  dancing as if no one is watching; sharing our excess or `1/2 of what we have with our neighbor; when budgets allow using stimulus money to help local businesses or charitable organizations; appreciating the sunshine while not being deluded into thinking we no longer need to practice social distancing; preparing a meal and dropping it off to a neighbor who may not be able to safely cook for themselves.
 
My experience is that when I embrace all as equally deserving of love, support and access to all that is needed for a quality life I feel at home. When I follow the sage advice I have heard from friends who  managed to move towards  reclaiming  their childlike dance of delight by “keeping it simple stupid” I know I am at home.  With or without a concept of God or a higher being; with or without a religious institution, I can be intentional about reserving a place at the table for all.
 
Written April 16, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 
 
 

​The irrationality of blame
 
I have often written about the futility of anger and blame.  Having said that, I do, of course, accept that we are human which a priori suggests that we are often irrational.    One of the most common irrational statements which I hear concerns the act of blaming.   Blaming has to do with one’s expectations that others will consistently behave in a way which seems rational. That of course assumes that others are always emotionally, physically and intellectually  able to make decisions to behave in a manner which one seems rational to others .   This is itself an irrational assumption.  Let us consider several examples.
 
Example 1:   A  young man who is seemingly doing well, very bright, working a 12 step program, and is excited about reclaiming a life of which he can be proud “suddenly” is discovered to have relapsed and is found in a crack house.  Family members, sponsor, friends and health care workers may be angry that he his actions have made it seem as if he did not care about all the assistance they have given him and how his relapse affects them.  They accuse him of being self-centered – of not caring for anyone other than himself.  They blame him for adding stress to their lives.  Yet they know that (1) Addiction is a chronic illness.(2) It is very difficult to change habits which have been chiseled into one’s brain (3. Their behavior does not always seem rational to others. and (4) This young man is doing the best he can just for today. (5) At one level the behavior of the addict is very rational in that it does temporarily relieve discomfort.
 
Example 2:  A young woman is not chosen to play a role in an important family event.  She feels treated the same as other invited guests who are not family members.  She is convinced she is justified in being angry and blames certain members of the family for her anger.  She even considers changing her last name.  This bright woman knows that (1) Individuals make decisions for a variety of reasons which affect others but are not about them. (2) Although family member are sad they are getting on with their lives with or without her. (3)She wants to be treated with love and respect as the imperfect human she is but wants to hold others to a higher standard.
 
Examples 3:  A young man feels an internal void and is fearful of being alone.  He looks for a dating relationship with someone who will temporarily make him feel less alone. He knows that a healthy person does not want to be emotionally responsible for making him feel okay about himself.  He therefore dates women who he perceives as more needy and unhealthy than him.  When he is unable to “fix” her and she behaves in an unhealthy manner he is hurt and angry.   He knows that (1) He has never been successful in fixing an unhealthy dating partner. (2) We humans do the best we can with the tools we have available. (3)Her behavior has nothing to do with him but does affect him.  (4) Until he faces his fear of being with himself he will continue to date women who do not have what he wants in a relationship.  He will use them just as they are using him.
 
I am sure all of us can list many examples of individuals, families, communities,  organizations and even countries who believe their angry blaming is justified and  who believe their determination to punish others for causing their angry response is rational behavior.  The current covid 19 pandemic provides many opportunities for blaming individuals, organizations and even countries.   An alternative truth seems to be that many countries and organizations for a variety of economic, political and emotional reasons were unprepared to deal with a pandemic.  It would seem rational for all countries and originations to now work together to get the current pandemic under control and together prepare for the next pandemic.  If history is to be trusted another pandemic will eventually visit. 
 
Whether we are looking at individuals, families, communities, nations or global groups and organization one might want to consider:
 

• Although anger might, at times be an understandable response, its purpose is not to  problem solve.  We might, at times, use anger as an alert for problem solving.
• Punishment/treating other badly never leads to permanent positive change.
• Individuals and organizations are going to continue to behave in a way which seems rational to them.   
• No person or organization causes another person or organization to be angry or to behave in any manner, but all behavior affects others.
• No one has yet devised a “rational” method for judging who is worthy of “throwing the first stone”.
• Acceptance of the humanness of each other can be a stepping stone to trust and learning to live together cooperatively.

 
Written April 15, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 
                            

Six Degrees
 
Among the many gifts of Covid-19, is the reminder of the close connection of we humans.  There is a sociological principle which states that there is only six degrees of separation between you or me and every person in the world; there are only six people between us and every person in the world – we know someone who knows someone who knows someone, etc.   In terms of the virus it is easy to see how quickly it can pass from one person to two to many even if precautions were taken such as were on the cruise ships or the military ship.   The good news is, of course, that we can pass along positive energy in the forms of a smile or a small good deed just as efficiently.   If, for example, one of us makes a point of sharing a smile with the post office clerk,  the store clerk or even the stranger we see across the way at the gas pump we can infect many people. In the case of the post office clerk, for example,  if she or he received the smile and passes it along to the next 30 people she or he serves and those people pass it along to even 5 people  who each pass it along to at least 5 people who …..     It soon becomes obvious the smile can spread even faster than Covid-19.    Sadly,  anger, resentment, meanness or other negatives can spread just as quickly.  
 
Since the arrival of Covid-19 or perhaps I should say since many of us were forced to respond to Covid-19 there have been numerous positive examples of our human connections. Whether it has been making masks,  working long hours as health care professionals (often without proper equipment), working at grocery stores, the post office, the public works department,  picking up our garbage, serving in some local or state government service capacity, adjusting to teaching on line, volunteering to help in all manner of ways or just being patient when services or goods are not available, most members of the community are spreading the best of who we are as humans faster than even Covid 19 can spread. 
 
Stress we know has a negative effect on our immune systems.   Likewise, positive interaction such as a smile, a friends word, or being patient has a positive effect on our immune system.   I am not naively suggesting that a smile will, by itself, ensure that one can survive a visit of Covid-19. I am suggesting that it can help both with fighting the virus and in improving the quality of life.   This life journey is, after all, very brief.  What counts today is the quality of our lives.  For today we do not have an effective treatment for many of those with Covid-19 and we do not have a vaccine.  We have the ability to improve the quality of the life of all those with whom we have an in person or virtual interaction.   We do have the ability to social distance, to wear a mask and to not hoard  necessary supplies of goods.  Some of us may have the ability to prepare and drop off a meal or nurture each other in some other ways.
 
Many, throughout the ages, have taught about the power of intentional living.   If we begin each day with a clear intention of keeping relationships and not tasks primary and if we stop for even one section to remind ourselves several times throughout the day we will make manifest the power of what Norman Vincent Peale, The Dali Lama, the Buddha, Jesus, Muhammad and many others have taught.  There are only six degrees of separation separating each of us or bringing each of us together.
 
Written April 14, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett, LPC, AADC
coachpickett.org
 
                                                                 
 

Sunday Musings – April 12, 2020
Miracles
 
For Christians this is the day set aside to celebrate many believe is the literal fact of a resurrected Jesus.  For other Christians Easter is a reminder that every day we have yet another opportunity to claim the miracles of  the best of who we are.   For Jewish people the miracle is  being led out of Egypt by Moses following the miracle of being passed over when the plagues visited Egypt.  For still others it is a new normal day  since Covid-19 has  taken over.   As sad and frightening as the pandemic can be, history tells us that eventually life does return to normal and we humans go on living as if we are in control of our destiny.   . 
 
This morning I talked on the phone with a young man who is celebrating his 39th birthday and the second anniversary of his release from the tyranny of active addiction to drugs, dangerous relationships and the belief that he had to run away from himself.  He had been living in a public housing unit which was often visited by bedbugs and where fear ruled the hallways. He parked his car at the home of his mother so that it was less likely one of his addicted sexual partners would slash his tires.  He was working at a job he hated and which paid him barely enough to live although, truth be told, no salary would be been enough to support his addiction and all the expenses associated with that disease.  Today he is living in a house, will soon return to a job for which he is well compensated and is in the process of claiming a healthy relationship with self and others.  He has truly been led out/is being led out of his personal land of tyranny.   Today this loving man which was hidden by the addiction has risen from the depths of the hell and along with all the ancestors he carries within every cell in is body is focused on his own recovery and helping others.  
 
There are many tombs with seemingly rocks too large to move blocking the entrance.  There are many lands where poverty, violence and other dangers keep people imprisoned.   Slavery, sexism, discrimination, and other forms of deadly oppression imprison much of the population.   Here in the United States, not only addiction to alcohol and other drugs, but addiction to power and a grossly unequal distribution of essential resources keep people trapped and waiting for a miracle.
 
All too often we look at the rock and decide there is no hope for resurrection.  All too often we buy the lies of the oppressors and silently wait to be released by them who himself or herself are trapped in their own addiction to power and the illusion that they are immune from the pandemics.  All too often we wait for someone else to assume the cloak of Mosses or to discover the cure for the latest virus.  All too often we wait for the pain of addiction to leave before reclaiming our lives.  All too often we order the rock for the tomb as we suffocate in the misery of anger and resentments.  All too often we hide in the tomb while the rock of fear paralyzes us.
 
We have the miracles within us.  We have the voice to cry out and demand justice.  We have the power to vote out the oppressor.  We have the power, for today, to social distance and to support those who will find a vaccine or an effective treatment.  We have the power to roll away the rock from the tomb – to be our brothers and sisters keepers. We have the power to tear down the wall and find a way to  be whole people, whole nations and a whole connected universe.
 
Today we will claim the miracles which are awaiting the courage to say, “We shall overcome. Together we shall overcome.”
 
Written April 12 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org



 
 
 
 

​The Journey
 
For many Christians today is the day set aside to honor the story of Jesus;  that he was unwilling to betray his mission and his beliefs to avoid a very violent death.  For many Jews April 8-16 is the Passover – a time to remember the exodus from Egypt.  For many others it is a time to welcome spring.  Here in West Virginia many have mowed their grass this week for the first time this season.  The spring flowers have been showing off for some time.  Many of us have cleaned our garden areas and discovered which plants  return to the earth for good and which ones will boast new growth as they begin their summer journey.
 
This is a weekend when many people traditionally travel to joint family member or to sneak away for a long weekend break.  This year there will be relatively little travel as we continue to do our part to attempt to limit the spread of Covid-19.
 
Perhaps many of us will reflect on our journey; our spiritual journey.   For many this time of social distancing has been a time to clean out closets, cupboards, basements and garages.    As soon as they reopen thrift stores may be overwhelmed with  items.  Some of it will be junk or better suited for rag recycling operations.  Some will not even be good for that purpose.  Some will find their way to new homes.  Cleaning out what we no longer use or need can be a  metaphor for the death and rebirth which Easter, Passover and spring honors and celebrates.  
 
Daily, we have an opportunity to be born again; to reclaim that innocence, passion and acceptance that we experienced as very young children unless we had some condition which prevented us from that embrace.  Each day we have an opportunity to face what we did well and what we did not do well the previous day.  Each day we have a chance to fact check and edit the story we have been attempting to tell ourselves.  Each day we have the opportunity to face the lies and deceits we tell ourselves and claim a new beginning.
 
Jesus, as did Bigger Thomas in Richard Wright’s Native Son, proclaimed “Ain’t nothin you can do but kill me and that ain’t nothin.”  Perhaps this is the most perfect Easter.  Covid-19 loudly has reminded us that we are powerless; that we only have today; that as we carry the cross up the hill we need to hold our heads high and proclaim, “We did not need things. We did not need titles. We did not need all those cloaks to hide who we are.  We can face the cross naked or with only a loin cloth. We can assume our place between the two other thieves.  We will rise to be our best self.  We will build homes in a new land. 
 
Perhaps we will invite Gloria Gaynor to lead the march to the place of rebirth. We will sing and dance with her: 
 
“Oh no, not I, I will survive
Oh, as long as I know how to love, I know I’ll stay alive.”
 
Written April 10, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 

​ 
The washing of feet
 
On the Christian calendar this day is celebrated as Mundy Thursday.  It is the day on which Christians remember two stories of Jesus who brought a new covenant.  Whether or not one identifies as Christian or believes the stories associated with this date are “factual” ,the lessons associated with Maundy Thursday can serve all of us.   The two events associated with Maundy Thursday are the last supper and the washing of the disciples feet.  My understanding is the washing of the disciples feet was to demonstrate humility and service.  Over and over again in the ministry of Jesus he treats all as equally deserving of love and respect.   The disciples  had a very “checkered” (very human) history;  imperfect as do all of us.  Those  to whom he ministered were people such as the prostitute, the disabled and the blind who were often not revered in the community.  The radical ministry of Jesus asserted that all were equally deserving of his love.  His washing of the feet of the disciples was a poignant reminder that he was no better (or worse) than the humblest of servants who normally performed this task.   Once again he is stating those the community thinks of as last shall be first and those who the community thinks of as first/important/valued are no more important than “the least of these”. 
 
When he sat with the disciples at supper and demonstrated the ritual which in the Christian church has become the ritual of communion he is inviting all to a new covenant – the new commandment – the new reality of community to which all should aspire  This is my blood and my body; the essence of the new covenant.  
 
This Maundy Thursday Christians will not (should not) be celebrating  physically in churches because of covid-19.  They will not be gathering for communion or the washing of each other’s feet.  Yet, at this time when it is crystal clear that not all are able to practice social distance; when not all have access to health care; when not all have a saving account to pay rent or the mortgage if they do not receive an unemployment check (many will not);when not all can afford healthy food; when many are crammed into jails and prisons; when it is clear there is little equality when it comes to having access to the basics for themselves and their children many are stepping up to share what they have; many are finding ways to contribute to the effort to keep each other safe; and many are helping with child care.  Yet, any attempt to create a more equitable society; any effort to ensure that access to health care and quality child care is available regardless of accident of birth is often met with strong opposition; with an assertion that we are promoting a communist type faux socialism when in fact one is advocating for a blend of capitalism and a social system which does not leave anyone out; when the last shall be first and he first shall be last.  This does not mean that we should create a new set of people who are treated as undeserving.  It means that all will be treated as equally important; all jobs and all positions will be equally valued.  Those of us who are destined to fill roles such as mine will be valued as much as the person who mows my yard or the heating and cooling expert who did routine maintenance on my furnace and air conditioner today.  It is unacceptable that the person who cleans and thus allows a psychiatrist friend of mine to do her job Is suddenly without an income and may or may not qualify for Obama care. If she has health insurance she will not have the gold standard benefits some have.  Today she has no work because of the covid-19 virus. 
 
As some sit at home and perhaps join a church service via zoom or some other program, all need to know that the communion chalice is not gold or some other precious metal; all need to know that the new covenant can be experienced as the kindness of neighbors; that all will be as quick to forgive as they are to hope for forgiveness; that all will be welcomed at the table regardless of race, religion, bank account, title, sexual orientation, age, occupation or any other social construct. All need to know that the new covenant can be felt as all lovingly and perhaps metaphorically  wash each other’s feet.  Most may no longer arrive with dusty feet but our dusty hearts need the gentle touch that says you are worth it.
 
Written April 9, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 

The gift of mistakes
 
There are mistakes and then there are mistakes. Personal experiences, observations, history and discussions with others tell me that there are several possible outcomes to mistakes:
 

• Not experiencing any negative consequences, learning nothing and continue repeating the same mistake.
• Experiencing negative consequences, blaming it on others people, places or things and learning nothing
• Being accountable , observing the point at which we made the wrong decision or turn and doing our best to not repeat.
• Wallowing in shame and regret, not being able to learn and repeating the same mistakes.

 
Early parenting and teaching techniques will often determine how we view and treat mistakes.    If  we are very lucky teachers and parents helped us problem solve when we make a mistake.  They held us accountable without shaming or belittling us.  We then learned the most creative and  intelligent people are comfortable making mistakes because they learn what does not work and move on to another approach.    Those researching treatment, vaccines, or a cure for diseases may spend their professional career finding out what does not work.  Scientists always begin with a null hypotheses.    I often suggest that if most parents and teachers took this approach with children I might have to get a different job!  Too often shame over past mistakes plays a huge role in the dance of life which many choreograph for themselves.  When we are busy shaming ourselves we are not learning.  We may, in fact, be busy avoiding the issues all together or avoiding the pain of the shame by numbing ourselves with alcohol, other drugs, sex or some other diversion.  If this is the case we are destined to keep repeating the same mistakes.
 
The 12 step program created by Dr. Bob and  Bill W. and used by  many of those healing from various addictive behaviors focuses on teaching others that it is safe to be accountable and  to make amends when “to do so would not harm them or others”.   There is no mention or even suggestion of shame.  The focus is on accepting responsibility - accepting that addictive behavior does not work - and making healthies choices.
 
We, as a society, have to take some responsibility for creating the conditions for making it difficult to admit mistakes, forego shame and make whatever changes we need to make to limit mistakes in the future.     The conditions which foster a negative, self-defeating approach include:
 

• Focus on punishment,
• Misdiagnosing the problem, i.e. labeling addicts and mentally ill people as criminals when the criminal activity is a symptom of the disease and not the disease.
• Fear of lawsuits.
• Fear of shame and loss of business, reputation or even career.
• Lack of humility; not teaching that we can be worthwhile and still admit to making mistakes
• Culture of blaming others which may often be related to fear of shaming and punishment.

 
Whether it is missing the signals that a pandemic was about to arrive, not being prepared for a pandemic or failing to heed medical advice we need to focus on being  prepared to deal with the next pandemic more quickly and effectively.  We also need to address a host of other issues including our relationship with climate change, unequal access to medical care, our expectations regarding mistakes in general, and  affordable housing to name just a couple.  We can spend a lot of our energy on shaming, blaming or avoiding.    Alternatively we could focus on accurate diagnosis and problem solving.
 
Perhaps as some prepare for the beginning of Passover tonight, others continue with Holy week events and still others rejoice in the arrival of spring – new life – it is a good time to practice accountably and problem solving while letting go of blaming and shaming.
 
Written April 8, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett, LPC, AAC
coachpickett.org
 
 
 
 
 

​Stir – crazy
 
Welcome to the pandemic.
 
As many in this nation and many other nations either find themselves “sheltering at home” with or without children and possibly other family members or working at essential jobs often without appropriate protection and often without the understanding or support of employers or government agencies who  are sometimes downplaying the seriousness of their dangerous working conditions, I am hearing many reports of exhaustion.    The exhaustion of those working at essential jobs makes sense. They are physically out of energy and emotionally drained from attempting to balance the danger they and their families are in as a result of their compassion and commitment to  serving others and financially supporting their families.  
 
Many parents, grandparents and other relatives are sheltering at home with children. They are expected to provide a professional, interesting, educational, learning environment and quality lessons commensurate with those one expects, but does not always get, from school staff.    They too are appropriately exhausted but may describe themselves as stir crazy.
 
There are also those who are sheltering at home either telecommuting their job or laid off  and have now cleaned out the garage, all the closet and basements and  packed many boxes or trash bags with items to deliver to the local thrift stores when they reopen.  They may also have cooked for friends and neighbors and alphabetically rearranged all the items in the kitchen cabinets.  They are now less active than normal. They too will describe themselves as exhausted even though their most strenuous activity has been binge watching all the movies and televisions series they had been wanting to watch for ages.  In addition to being tired they will describe themselves as stir crazy.
 
The Oxford English Dictionary defines stir crazy as “psychologically disturbed, especially as a result of being confined or imprisoned.”
 
I am sure that all or most of us who are feeling stir crazy have plenty of projects which have been patiently waiting our attention for months or even years.  This should be the perfect time to accomplish them.  I have a very long list of books I “need”, “want” and “should” read.  I have a very long list of home projects that I would like to mark as done.  I have many CDs I have not heard in ages.  The list in endless.   Yet, many of us find that we are “too exhausted” to do much once we finish our home chores or the telecommuting job. Why is this?  Why do we feel psychologically disturbed?  Is this the same “dis ease” experienced by those we place in solitary confinement for long  periods of time? Is this the same “dis ease” and exhaustion one feels after sitting with someone in the hospital for long periods of time.”
 
The answer is quite simple I suspect.   Our emotional gas tanks are on empty.   We are a social species.  Even those who are introverts and who are chronically allergic to most people need some living fuel from outside of themselves. Parents who adore their children need time with adults.   While we are blessed to have the means to more easily stay in touch with family and other friends via phone, face time, Zoom and other secure apps we crave the physical presence and voice of other humans.    Animals fulfil some of our needs.  Those who live with animals and especially those who live with multiple domesticated or wild animals may fare much better than those who live in the city or even the suburbs.
 
Perhaps this is a good time to access how intentional we are about nurturing relationships when we do not have “shelter at home” conditions.    How often are we intentional about giving our undivided attention to family and other friends? How often are we intentional about the fact that our coworkers, the store clerk, the post office person, the city employees, the first responders, the transit driver, or the host of others with whom we come into contact are human beings  and not just a role or a dehumanized “slave” to serve the master – us?
 
Jobs and careers “should” have the purpose of directly and indirectly taking care of people.   We exist for and with each other because we need the connection with each other to feed our bodies.  Our physical bodies let us know when we are disconnected; when our souls and spirits are on empty.
 
Perhaps we would do well to remember these lessons when we are no longer “sheltering in place”.
 
Written April 7, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org