Women and other flatheads
 
It is another day of miracles. A miracle is, in fact, often the discovery of a person whose life stands as a an example of the best of what one can achieve.  When using the word miracle to describe a person one may think of someone who survived a normally fatal illness, a natural disaster or a person- made disaster in which most people died.  One may also think of those brave, tenacious people who, despite all odds and past struggles, come back to win a gold medal or achieve musical  or business fame.    It seems every day I am directly or indirectly introduced to such a miracle.  This morning, as has now become common in my life, the miracle arrived via a Ted Talk.  The Ted Talk which I “accidentally” chose this morning was one  posted in March of 2015 by Dame Stephanie Shirley entitled “Why do ambitious women have flatheads?”.   I found the title amusing and intriguing.  Since I frequently listen to Ted Talks while working out at the gym at an uncivilized, early morning hour anything that amuses me is most welcome.  I had no idea who Dame Stephanie Shirley was or is.   I suspect many people reading this blog have not had the honor of meeting this brilliant, tenacious. billionaire, feminist, World War II era, child, Jewish refugee.   This woman born in 1933 in Vienna was part of the Kindertranport child refugee program.  Her Jewish father, a judge in Dortmund who lost his post to the Nazi regime and her non-Jewish Viennese mother sent their  5 and 9 year-old children to Britain where they were placed with foster parents.  (wikipedia). Sadly these facts alone do not qualify her as a miracle of any note.  There were many such children. In fact there were many children sent from Britain to the United States during the war or those who survived in refugee camps.  Still today, as we know, there are many thousands of children the trajectory of whose lives are determined by the wars of so-called adults.
 
What makes this billionaire business woman, computer and mathematical geek, as well as philanthropist such a miracle is the fact that at a time when  women were not even able to open a bank account without their husband’s signature and  software was still not a term  which had been introduced to most of us she not only learned how to build computers from scratch and how to write code while, at the same time, earning an honors degree in mathematics, she went on in the early sixties to start a software company by mortgaging her house and hiring women (including lesbians and trans women) who could work part-time from home.  Eventually she would make many of these women co-owners and millionaires.  Calling herself Steve she and the women who worked for and with her built the company into one worth billions.  The severely autistic son born to she and her husband would become the first resident of one of the charities she set up to pioneer services for autistic children.   This was the first of the many charities she began. She also “founded the Oxford Internet Institute and other IT ventures. The Oxford Internet Institute focuses not on the technology, but on the social, economic, legal and ethical issues of the Internet.”
 
She devotes herself to charities and says that humility, choosing one’s partner carefully, and  believing in the beauty of work are some of the keys to success or what I am calling crafting a miracle.
 
Certainly luck of genetics, happenstance, and many other factors contributes to the miracle she birthed and continues to birth.  I suspect that her sense of humor is born of humility.   She says, for example: “You can always tell ambitious women by the shape of our heads: They're flat on top for being patted patronizingly. And we have larger feet to stand away from the kitchen sink.”
 
Googling the name of this remarkable woman will allow one to find out much more about the road she has built and traveled.  She has also written a memoir entitled Let it Go.
 
The reader might wonder why I label the discovery of such people as Dame Stephanie Shirley a miracle.   It is because of the fact that since I was a very young child there have always been people such as Dame Stephanie Shirley who  “arrive” to teach me that we are all have the capacity to draw out what is magical - what is holy - in ourselves and others.  Often when it seems as if there is no purpose for this very brief journey in this place where we humans sometimes seem to work overtime to destroy, we come upon that flower growing between the cracks, the sculpture which someone has made out of munition parts, the music which has been created in the holocaust camps, the courage to celebrate the yellow star as did Etty Hillesum and her friends, or the strength to use the patronizing created flat head to push up the glass ceiling.  Today the first miracle of the day is the living example of Dame Stephanie Shirley.  The next is yet to be revealed, but if I am willing it will appear.
 
Written August 17, 2016
 

​ 
The business of guns
 
This morning I listened for the second time to a Ted Talk by Dr. Dr. Samantha Nutt entitled “The real harm of the global arms trade” which was filmed in November 2015.  After graduating from medical school Dr. Nutt volunteered to serve with UNICEF in war-torn Somalia.   If one listened to her Ted Talk and better yet, if one watches the Ted Talk. one will see the very articulate, attractive woman who is passionately committed to her calling as a physician. I use the word calling because the word physician originally meant healer. Individuals enter the field of medicine for many reasons, but I choose to believe that most enter it, not to drive an expensive car as might seem the case  if one views the doctors parking space at many hospitals in the United States, but because they believe that together we can help each other heal and evolve to live in harmony with the rest of creation.
 
Dr. Nutt is particularly interested in how people, including many children are affecting and affected by war throughout the world.  Often, in addition to such gruesome methods of killing, guns of various sizes and designed are often the weapons of choice for killing.  Sadly, many of the guns which the United States sells or gives to people in war zones eventually end up in the hands of those we label as the enemy. Sometimes the “enemy” is a young child who now has the use of a gun.  If one is a gun manufacturer this is good news because it means more guns will be needed to supply those whom our politicians decide are going to serve the interests of the United States and/or its allies/friends.
 
Dr. Nutt’s research tells her:
 
“Now, let's look at the countries that are the world's top 20 exporters of small arms in the world. And what do we notice? Well, you see them in green. You will notice that those are mostly countries in the Global North, primarily Western countries. What does this tell us? This tells us that most of the people who are dying in war are living in poor countries, and yet most of the people who are profiting from war are living in rich countries -- people like you and me.”
 
If one googles atf.com one will find the following statistics from 2013, the last year that data was compiled and published:
 
“The data in the 2015 report shows an estimated increase in firearms manufacturing in the U.S. of more than 100 percent within a four-year period. In 2010, more than 5.4 million firearms were manufactured. That number climbed to more than 10.8 million in 2013. The most recent available firearm manufacturing statistics are through calendar year 2013.  
Pistols make up the bulk of the firearms manufactured, with 4.4 million produced in 2013. That is an increase of more than one million pistols produced compared to the previous year. The number of rifles manufactured also increased from 3.1 million in 2012 to 3.9 million in 2013.
Updated firearms import and export data is also included in the report.  Import data is updated through calendar year 2014.  In calendar year 2014 more than 3.6 million firearms were imported into the United States; 2.1 million of those firearms were handguns. In calendar year 2013, the most recent year for which data is available, the U.S. exported more than 393,000 firearms.”
 
A lot of the guns manufactured in the United States are staying in the United States.  The above information tells us we are also importing a number of guns.  (Please note I am not talking about all the other weapons manufactured in or imported into the United States.)   Yet further research indicates that the number of household possessing or purchasing guns in the United States is decreasing.  The number of weapons per capital is, however, increasing which tells us that, of those we can track, many of the of the people owning guns are purchasing additional guns.   In the United States the most recent statistics I could locate was indicated there are 88 guns per person in the United States. The total handguns  manufactured  in the United States has increase from 662, 973 in 1986 to 4,441,726.  (This only includes pistols, revolvers, rifle, and shotguns, but not other weapons). We are not the only country manufacturing guns but we are the largest.  Most gun manufactures are in Western countries.
 
The reasons that people purchase guns are as varied as the guns themselves.  These reasons  may include:
 

• Recreation including target practice
• Defense of self and family
• Defense of self, village  or other group of people.
• Hunting for for food supply
• To assert what they see as their second amendment rights.
• To add to a collection which may indicate an appreciation of design and  craftsmanship.
• To resell.
• To frighten or harm others.

 
Although I know many people who own handguns, none of the persons I know, to the best of my knowledge have every shot at or harmed another person with one of these weapons.
 
The ability to manufacture guns has increased exponentially over the years.  I  recently read that there are many small gun manufactures in  states such as Texas and Florida who can order all the parts they need and merely have to assemble the weapons.  
 
cnbc.com reports that in the year 2013:
Annual revenue of gun and ammunition manufacturing industry with a $1.5 billion profit - $13.5 billion.  
Annual revenue of gun and ammunition stores, with a $478.4 million profit  - $3.1 billion.
 
This is just what can be tracked.  The important questions all of us may want to consider are:
 

• Can that many guns be manufactured and kept out of the hands of those who are going to use them to rob, steal, kill, terrorize, or conduct war?
• Do we want to support industries which supply guns to those who will try to kill us?
• Is there any way to prevent guns, once manufactured and sold or given to other countries out of the hands of those who would use them to harm or take advantage of others including us?
• Should weapons be a significant source of profit for a relatively small percentage of people?
• Can a government both profit off the sale of guns as they do tobacco products and claim to be limiting the sales?
• What is the role of gun manufactures, the NRA and other gun advocates in the decisions of members of governments including the United States Congress?
• To what extent is the economy dependent on the ongoing proliferation of weapons for waging war on each other?
• Can statistics be manipulated and interpreted to support a wide range of opinions about this subject?

 

Obviously these questions also force one to examine many other related questions about the moral values associated with protection of family and community, the sanity of life, whether the concept of just wars makes sense long term, the  price of interpreting the second amendment of the U.S. Constitution as the right to manufacture, sell, and maintain private arsenals, and others.
 
I believe we need to create a forum for addressing these issues  - a forum which is respectful of the varied opinions, many of which may involve very passionate emotions.
 
Written August 16, 2016
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

​Different shoes
 
Increasingly I am aware of the strong need of all of us to be able to metaphorically put ourselves in the shoes of those who are so supportive of individuals such as Mr. Trump, the new President of the Philippines, and others.   For now I want to attempt to access that part of me which can identify with those who are so convinced that Mr. Trump is needed as a leader in these times.   
 
It would be easy if I could convince myself that all those who support him are uneducated, angry, bigoted, white people - mostly male.  I have talked to quite a number of supporters of Mr. Trump over the months that the presidential campaign has been going on in the United States. Many of those with whom I have talked are:
 
   •    College educated with a minimum of a Bachelor’s degree and often with professional or advanced degrees.
   •    Representative of both genders.
   •    Representative of all sexual orientations although they seem predominantly heterosexual.
   •    Representative of various religions or have no religious affiliation.
   •    Representative of various points on the empathic line
   •    Representative of many races although they seem predominantly Caucasian.
   •    Pro-Trump  and anti-Clinton
   •    Anti-establishment - mainly political establishment.
   •    Seemingly okay with how Mr. Trump amassed his fortune or alleged fortune.
 
My concerns with Mr. Trump include his seemingly:
 
   •    Insensitivity to those who disagree with him.
   •    Willingness to embrace violence.
   •    Lack of concern for who gets hurt or is negatively affected by his business practices.
   •    Bully attitude toward other nations.
   •    Defense of what he thinks of as second amendment rights or his perception of that group which are concerned about those perceived rights.
   •    Lack of core values.
   •    Willingness to lie if it is politically expedient.
   •    Focus on me rather than we.
   •    Lack of ability to think before he speaks or acts.
 
To be fair many of the concerns I have about Mr. Trump I also have about Mrs. Clinton. These include her seemingly:
 
   •    Willingness to lie.
   •    Overall hawkish beliefs.
   •    Questionable business dealing and practice over the years. (I am less clear about these than I am about those of Mr. Trump.)
   •    Arrogant attitude toward other nations although  more diplomatically in how she approaches most of the time. (Is she a bully or assertive?)
   •    Lack of core values.
 
Both candidates seem to have qualities which trouble me, although I am less concerned about impulsive behavior by Mrs. Clinton than I am that by Mr. Trump.   I also tend to think that Mrs. Clinton may have some core values but may be willing to compromise them if that is what it takes to get elected.  
 
Certainly I can understand those who believe that neither candidate is ideal. I am not convinced that an ideal person could campaign and win a political election.  Still, having said that, how can I explain what seems to be the fact that there are quite a number of people who sincerely and  after much educated thought are convinced that Mr. Trump and those who support him represent the best possible future for the United States.  What do they have in common. They seem to be:
 
   •    Angry.
   •    Fearful.
   •    Me focused rather than we focused.
   •    Convinced that “all is fair in love and war.”
   •    Convinced that it is going to take extreme, potentially very violent behavior if the United States is to retain it superpower status. This, of course, assumes that the United States needs to be a superpower to protect its interest and that its interests are more important than that of others.  
   •    An emphasis on a global economy which will have a negative effect on the economy of the United States.
 
If I look at these one by one  perhaps I can more fully empathize.
 
Angry
 
            I certainly understand angry which for me is almost always related to fear. 
 
Fear
 
            I appreciate the (1)  fear of not being able to take care of myself and having to depend on others, (2) the fear that I am not good enough or strong enough or smart enough - all these have to do with being able to take care of myself and those I love - and (3) the fear that I am not respected and, thus, not physically and/or emotionally safe.
 
Me focused rather than ‘we’ focused.  
 
            When I do not feel emotionally or physically safe then it is easy for me to get very me focused.  This is consistent with Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.
 
Convinced that all is fair in love and war
 
            This one is more difficult for me. Although I can identify with strong emotions and a strong desire to live/survive and even thrive, my belief is that all I really own is my core values.  For me winning is being able to hold on to core values.
 
Convinced that it will take extreme, potentially very violent behavior if the United States is to retain it superpower status.
            I am not convinced that the United States needs to maintain its superpower status. On the other hand, I am not convinced that there is a way to convince everyone to allow the United Nations or some new such organization to create a more just peaceful world.
 
An emphasis on a global economy will have a negative effect on the economy of the United States.
 
            I am not convinced that  it is fair or just for some of us to have and to use more of the world’s resources than is available to others  I suspect when our spiritual and emotional self-esteem is not high we feel we want/need more material things to feel decent.  I am getting ready to move and am acutely aware of how much “stuff” I feel a need to retain despite having gotten rid of a lot.  I really like my creature comforts 
and do not want to return to a life without many of the luxuries I have.  At the same time I know that they are luxuries and that I can have a good life without them.  It is true that if I could have luxuries and know everyone in the world was well  take care of I would be fine.
 
 
I would like to think that there is more distance or more difference between myself and those who support Mr. Trump and others who are similar to him. The truth is that I can empathize with many of their thoughts and feelings,  It is also true that whether I live or die has not seemed that important to me for a long time.  That is, I am sure, partly due to age - but only partly. If someone was about to shoot me I am sure I would feel afraid both of dying or being injured to the point of being disabled.   I would like to think, however, that at another level I would be fine with whatever happened. 
 
It seems as if the muse keeps bringing me back to the fact that we all need a strong, positive sense of self.  Some of us may connect that to  being able to protect ourselves or to a nation which can protect itself.  We may also connect it to the power for money/possessions.  If we are very lucky we may connect it to core values.  As it write,  I am aware that some would list patriotism as a core value.  That is not the case for me. I know that I am grateful to have the luxury of being a United States citizen despite its many shortcomings.  Still, I think of myself more as a  patriot of the earth than I do of a country. 
 
This little exercise has again reminded me that I am not as different from the Trump supporter as I sometimes convince myself. I am convinced that if we are ever to have a workable ‘we’ we must focus on our basic similarities no matter what costume we wear or life dance we do.  Personally I need to continue this exercise  and try to put myself in the shoes of my neighbor otherwise there is no hope for any of us.
 
Written August 14, 2016
 
 

​School Bells - First  grade current affairs - week 2
 
This is the second week for me to meet with the first grade class for their 
weekly current affairs class.   Last week some of the children shared 
some of the concerns their families were talking about.   I suggested that we 
begin with Sam’s concern about someone beating up her friend Ahmed
just because she is Muslim.  I had suggested the kids talk to their family 
members or others about how we learn to judge each other on the basis of religion or 
some other single factor.
 
Me:  Good morning class. I did not bring cookies since I need to know that 
all of you can safely eat cookies. I know that some people cannot eat
gluten, sugar or nuts.   I am going to give you a slip to take home for
your parents to sign. You can bring them back next week. If I need to I can make gluten free and 
sugar free cookies.   Here are the slips.  
 
Steve and Susie will you pass them out
 
Steve and Susie come and get the permission slips to pass out.
 
Me; I hope all of you had a good first week at school?  Did you?
 
Class: Yes.
 
Me: Great. I had suggested that you talk to your families about how we learn
to judge each other on the basis of religion and or some other single
factor.   Did everyone do that?
 
Susie:  My father said that a lot of the terror - a lot of the 
 
Me:  Terrorists?
 
Susie:  Terrorists are Muslim.
 
Steve:  My mother said that most Muslims are not terrorists.  Is that right
Mr. Jim?
 
Sofia:  Some people think all Mexicans are drug dealers. We do not
deal drugs.
 
Tommy: My mother said that some people used to believe that  women 
could not fly planes. She is a pilot.
 
Sue:   My grandmother said that some people used to think that 
everyone with MS was dumb and  kids with MS could not go to 
school.
 
Sam:  Are we going to do the blue eye game Uncle Jim?
Me:  Suppose you tell the class about the blue eye game Sam.
 
Sam:  One day Uncle Jim told us that  we were going to pretend
that all blue eye kids were dumb and should stay home and do all 
the work so they would not feel bad failing in school.
 
Me:  Since you and your brother are blue eyed that was just the two of 
you. How did that feel Sam?
 
Sam: It was terrible Uncle Jim  We hated it.  It was not fair.
 
Me:  No it was not fair.  We pretended that I and your parents did not
want to do any cleaning and made up this lie about blue eyed children 
so we could pretend we were doing you a favor by not allowing you to go to
school. It was not true that blue eyed children are dumb.
 
Tommy:  Is that what happened to black people Mr. Jim?
 
Me: Yes.  We wanted cheap labor so that the owners could have more
money.  We bought slaves and then told them they were too dumb to go 
to school or live on their own. We white people said we would be kind and tell them 
what to do and how to live. Then we did not let them go to school and they 
felt dumb.   So if we did not let Paul and Sam go to school they would not learn 
and would feel dumb and stupid.   Pretty soon everyone  or most everyone would
believe the lie.
 
How does this example apply to Muslims class?
 
Sofia:  Some terrorists are Muslims.
 
Me:  Yes they are. Are all terrorists Muslims?
 
Steve: I do not think so.  Are they?
 
Me. No some terrorists are Christians or Jewish or some other religion.
Some are not even religious.
 
Sam: We talked about the men in the hoods and white robes who hung
black people.
 
Me: Yes, they were members of a group called the Ku Klux  Klan.  Many of 
them considered themselves Christians.
 
Tommy:  Was Hitler Muslim Mr. Jim?
  
Me: No. He was not.  So what happens if we are mean to
all Muslims?
 
Ahmed: That would make me mad.  I think all my family would be angry.
 
Me: That is possible.  Might some angry people become terrorists.
 
Ahmed:  I don’t think we would Mr. Jim.
 
Sofia:  If you treat someone mean for  a long time are they more likely to
become terrorists.
 
Me:  Possibly, but not all people who are mistreated become angry  
and join terrorist groups.  If we treated Paul and Sam very bad they might
get angry or they might become like a famous civil rights leader, like Martin 
Luther King, Jr.    He wanted to make changes but refused to be violent.
 
Susie:  I remember him. We got to write essays about something he said 
and I got to read my essay to a bunch of people.
 
Me:  Yes, you did a great job Susie. I loved what your wrote.
 
Susie: You were there Mr. Jim?
 
Sam:  Yes, me, Paul, Uncle Jim, mom and dad were all there. I liked your 
talk too Susie.
 
Me:  We seem to be saying that just because someone says certain 
people are not good does not mean it is true.  We go to school  to help
each other ask questions and learn what might be true or a lie.
 
Steve: People used to believe the earth was flat. Right Mr. Jim?
 
Me: That is right Steve. For a long time no one questioned whether that 
was true and even after Magellan proved it was not many people did
believe him.  Once we believe something it can be difficult to quit believing 
that.
 
Me: Oops. Time is nearly up.  What have you learned toda?.
 
Sofia:  Question everything.
 
Me: Well you might not want to argue with your parents about a lot of
things, but you can ask how we know certain things or which things we 
need to question.   Perhaps you can accept that it is important to
get a certain amount of sleep or to limit time on the X-box.  On the other
hand we can question what we really know about different 
religions or groups of people.
 
Talk more to your family members about this.  I will send home another 
paper to explain what we were talking about so that they do not get 
confused.  Here Sofia and Sam, will you pass them out.  The paper also 
says that next week we will talk about how we deal with fear.  Tommy is 
afraid that his mother is doing to die in her job as an air force pilot.
Good job.  See you next week.
 
Written August 17 2016
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

​School Bells - 8th grade current affairs - week two
 
This is the second week  of the school year and the second experimental 8th grade current affairs class for me to teach. The reader may recall the first week I introduced myself and the students did the same.  The students shared what they thought was the most important thing happening in the world.
 
Me:  Good afternoon everyone. I am so happy to be back in class with you. I hope that your first week of school  went well.
 
Last week several of you named issues which are currently of interest to you and your families. Susie, you said that in your home they are talking about the fact that Michael Phelps is making a comeback and proving that one can make mistakes and start over again. We agreed that this week we would talk about the effect of labeling ourselves as winners or losers.   
 
Susie, tell us what you know about Michael Phelps.
 
Susie:  Now he has won 23 gold medals.  He did really well  and was world famous and then then he had some problems with addiction and had to go to treatment center. Now he is winning more gold medals.
 
Me:  Are there other Olympians  who have had a difficult time and are doing well?
 
John:  My dad is reading a book about another swimmer, Anthony Erin, who had a lot of  medical issues but has won gold this year. He is the oldest at 35 which is even order than Michael who is 31.
 
Tom:  My mother was talking about Derek Redmond  who made a comeback in 1988.
 
Me:  What about women who have made amazing comebacks or overcome great odds.
 
Amy:   My grandmother talked about Wilma Rudolph who had polio and had to wear a brace and yet in 1960 won three gold medals.
 
Susie:  What about Clarissa Shields the kick ass boxer from Flint, Michigan?  Oops (covering mouth).  I am sorry.
 
Me:  Well, we should not use that language in class but  she is.
 
(There were lots of approving smiles and nods from the rest of the class.)
 
Me  It seems as if we could name a lot of people who have overcome great odds to achieve a lot.  Who can name a supreme court judge who overcame a tough childhood?
 
Amy:  Sonia Sotomayer.
 
Me:  Yes, her father was an alcoholic. She lived in the projects and had to take care of her younger brother. She also had diabetes and as a young child had to learn to give herself shots.
 
This morning I was listening to an interview with a famous movie director, writer and producer, Norman Lear, who created such shows as All in the Family and Maude.  When he was nine his father went to jail. He also had a very critical mother.  Yet, he was a distinguished veteran and became an amazing success and inspiration to many. He is 94 and still very active.
 
We could tell lots of stories about people who sadly commit suicide, die from drug over doses, spend a lifetime in jail,  or quit school - people who just give up.  What makes the difference?
 
Amena:  My mother says that we have to think of ourselves as winners - that winners win. I think that is hard sometimes, especially if you are one of the refugees escaping from my home country and who have not been able to come to the United States. We had family who helped us.
 
Me: Very good Amena.  I wonder how often we think of classmates who are not doing well as winners.  Have any of you heard other kids calling some of the kids losers or other names?
 
Paul:  Yes. Some kids seem like losers Uncle Jim.
 
Me; What would happen if we decided to all call all white kids born in the United States losers Paul?  That would include you wouldn’t it, Paul?
 
Paul:  Yes it would.  I would hate it.
 
Me:  Tom, what do you think would happen to Paul then?
 
Tom: He might begin to think of himself as a loser.
 
Me: Tom, it seems you are saying that it is important to encourage each other to think of ourselves as winners. Who in this class is a winner?
 
Class:  We are. 
 
Me:  Yes you are. What about this kids who are having problems?
 
Susie:  If someone is failing you cannot give them a good grade can you?
 
Me:  What can we do?
 
Abdul:  When I first came to school and did not speak the language or know the customs I was xpnot doing well. Everyone here told me I could do it. They treated me as a winner.
 
Me:  Did that help?
 
Abdul:  It did.   Not only telling me but helping me with my English and some subjects which were taught differently than in Egypt.
 xp
Me:  It sounds as if we are saying that sometimes people such as Michael Phelps and others begin to think of themselves as losers and are unable to keep winning.  Perhaps we have to help them believe in themselves again.   Is Michael Phelps and some of the others we talked about winners because they did their best or because the won gold medals?
 
Amy: I think because they did their best.  They tried again and again.
 
Me: I agree.  All of you did a wonderful job. I hope everyone can join in the conversations next week.  Next week all we talk about the issue Abdul brought up - some people thinking all Muslims are terrorists and what that is like for Abdul and is family as well as for other Muslim families.  Ask family members what they think.  You might want to pretend you are journalists and take notes.
 
Thank you. See you next week.
 
The bells rings.
 
Written August 16, 2016
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

​The power of setting achievable goals
 
As a mental health counselor I have long been acutely aware of the need to set achievable, measureable treatment goals. There are many factors which make this difficult. These include:
 

• The client/patient may be expecting immediate relief of the pain without believing that the actual work of healing will help long term or that they are capable to doing the work.
• One knows that behavioral changes are difficult to maintain over time especially which changing habits whether or not related to addiction.
• All involved – client/patient, clinician, and insurance provider – might expect goals to be achieved in an unrealistic amount of time or without accepting that relapse is ‘normal’.
• Although recognized as important, team work is not easily achieved because of various demands of schedules, transportation, access to internet, money or other factors.
• Clinician may get overwhelmed and discouraged and punish the client/patient for not achieving a goal over time. (Cardiologists have refused to continue to see patients who could not quit smoking cigarettes.  Physicians and addiction counselors often refuse to continue to treat a person who continuously relapses.  We, in the United States, live in a punishment oriented society.  Clinicians may blame patient/client rather than reexamining the treatment goal and method of treatment.

 
All of the above resulted in my interest being piqued by Seema Bansal’s Ted Talk entitled “How to fix a broken education system…without any more money.”    Ms.  Bansal was asked to explore solutions to grave education issues in many places in India.  For example, in India by age 11, 50% of students were so far behind grade level that they were dropping out.  The state of Haryana hired her to explore goals and a solutions.  The primary goal they set was that by 2020, 80% of students would be functioning at grade level.   She knew that to reach this goal it has to be affordable, sustainable long term and practical in areas which do not have fat budgets or sophisticated equipment.  The changes that she helped them implement was very basic and included such simple procedures as:
 

• Focusing on long term changes.   Just getting time-limited grants were not necessarily going to be helpful.  When grants end often there is not money to continue to put the changes into effect.
• Using what is available.  For example, if one knows hands on learning is more effective explore the environment to discover what is available.  In some environments sticks and stones were available to demonstrate math principles.
• Using communication systems which work and which allow individuals to help each other.  For example, using a smart phone app was a wonderful way for teachers in that state to communicate not only with administrators but with each other. Suddenly, teachers were helping each other solve problems.
• Insuring that the focus was allowing the teachers time to teach rather than focusing on building maintenance or related issues.

 
Although she does not, in this Ted talk, specifically talk much about the power of hope, we know that when individuals in any system are convinced that some situation is hopeless they quit trying. Hope is contagious.
 
Can we who are involved in other professions apply some of the same principles?  How would one apply them, for example, to working for/with clients/patients presenting with addiction issues (addiction to food, sex, alcohol, other drugs or other substances/behaviors)?   Suppose we consider the following:
 
Goal:

• Reduce the number of relapses by 50 percent over the next year.

 
Methods:

• Keep paperwork to a minimum.  Do not focus on trying to prevent fraud. More time and money will be wasted on attempting to prevent fraud that will be saved.  Trust professionals to do a good job.
• Set realistic goals for each patient and reward small success. Perhaps a realistic goal for some might be for their progressive illness to not progress.
• Never punish the patient/client for behavior which is symptomatic of their illness/presenting issues. (Never punish for any reason.)
• Use resources which are realistic.  For example, not all communities have 12 step meetings or other similar resources.  Meetings may be available on line via computers or smart phones.
• Use on line services –phone, email, text, letters – as a primary form of delivery or as an adjunct to face-to-face meetings.
• Use such resources as text messages to share daily, hopeful messages.  Use with clients/patients and help clients/patients set up group chat or communication system.
• Make it easy for clinicians to help each other.
• Insure that clinicians and patients/clients have an ownership in the system.
• Be open to learning at all levels.  Ask questions. For example, ask why it is that home schooling, often by teachers who are not trained or certified as teachers and using a variety of long distance learning tools, works so well.  Why is it that some para-professional counselors who are not licensed are so effective? Can we pay para-professionals who do a good job at the same rate we pay professionals which in the addition field is not much?  Do we care how folks got educated or proficient in their skills?

 
Of course, there are also some systemic changes which need to be made.  These changes are already taking place in a number of communities. One such change is sending people to treatment rather than sending them to jail/prison.
 
It seems simple to keep focused on what is not working, problem solving what might work, keeping systems simple and available, improving communication and treating everyone win the system with respect.  Yet, it is these simple pieces which often seem to elude us.
 
Written August 13, 2016
 

​Being us
 
It is early on a Friday morning in August, 2016. While at the gym I was listening to the November 1,2012 Krista Tippett interview on the NPR program On Being with Joanna Macy entitled “A Wild Love for the World.”  Mrs. Macy is a philosopher of ecology, a scholar of Buddhism, a translator, and author.  She is fluent in at least three languages (speaking, reading and writing),  served with the CIA during WWII, a wife, mother, an activist and remains, in her eighties, an active and articulate mentor/teacher for many.  She is the author of eight books.
 
I am not sure how I have, until today, missed her wise voice.   I thought I was very familiar with Rainer Maria Rilke, but I had missed her scholarship and  sage comments about his poems.  It seems every day  I am made acutely aware of the fact that I will have to live to be at least as old as Methuselah (969) if I am to come even close to accomplishing as much as folks such as Ms. Macy. 
 
While listening to interviews or reading about such prolifically accomplished folks as Ms. Macy,  I often find myself comparing my meager accomplishments.  At the same time, I am enormously grateful to sit at the feet of such intellectually and spiritually wise individuals. 
 
A poem of Billy Collins comes to mind.
 
To My Favorite 17-Year-Old High School Girl
“Do you realize that if you had started building the Parthenon
on the day you were born,
you would be all done in only one more year?
Of course, you couldn’t have done that all alone.
So never mind; you’re fine just being yourself.
You’re loved for just being you.
But did you know that at your age
Judy Garland was pulling down 150,000 dollars a picture,
Joan of Arc was leading the French army to victory
and Blaise Pascal had cleaned up his room
— no wait, I mean he had invented the calculator?
Of course, there will be time for all that later in your life,
after you come out of your room and begin to blossom,
or at least pick up all your socks.
For some reason I keep remembering that
Lady Jane Grey was queen of England when she was only 15.
But then she was beheaded,
so never mind her as a role model.
A few centuries later, when he was your age,
Franz Schubert was doing the dishes for his family,
but that did not keep him from composing two symphonies, four operas and two complete masses as a youngster.
But of course, that was in Austria at the height of Romantic lyricism,
not here in the suburbs of Cleveland.
Frankly, who cares if Annie Oakley was a crack shot at 15
or if Maria Callas debuted as Tosca at 17?
We think you’re special just being you --
playing with your food and staring into space.
By the way, I lied about Schubert doing the dishes,
but that doesn’t mean he never helped out around the house.”
—Billy Collins
 
Billy Collins has this wonderful way of reminding us of how silly we humans are.   The talents of a Bill Gates, Johann Sebastian Bach, Frank Lloyd Right, Rainer Wilke,  Michael Phelps, Eleanor Roosevelt, Mother Theresa or a host of others enrich our lives in a marvelously magical and profound way.   Yet, they may or may not bring the smile that provides just the amount of warmth or connection which gives a stranger the courage to live another day, the compassion and courage of the 17-year-old who saves the life of a man whose car has just gone into a body of water, the gift of the person who cleans and make home smell like home,  or strength of a neighbor who offers to help child care on a day when a single mother has used up 180 percent of her energy.
 
I do not need to compare myself to Mrs. Macy or the host of others I admire. As the new school year starts, I want each and every student to know that they have a talent and a purpose which the world desperately needs; that it takes all of us sharing our talents and love.  The words of the poet Dylan Thomas come to mind:
 
Do not go gentle into that good night.
 
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
 
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
 
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
 
And you, my father, there on that sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
 
Dylan Thomas  (poemhunter.com)
 
We must all honor and claim our own light and our own dance.  Surely the world would not be better if thousands of voices were screaming, “Rage, rage against the dying of the light.”  We need the solitary voice of each of us which together create the chorus which  can soothe, excite, challenge and entertain just as surely as the wonderful sounds of the annual Estonian song festival.
 
 
Written August 13, 2016
 

​Whose truth?
 
How is it that my truth seems the truth?  How often do we hear ourselves say? “These are the facts. That is what happened.” It seems very important that others validate ‘the facts’ which are very clear in our mind. If others or even one particular other refuses to do this then we may feel as if they are calling us a liar or deliberately trying to make us doubt our  ability to function.  
 
Sometimes there is a way to validate what happened – at least on the surface.  If an event has been recorded via a camera or in some other format we can check our “facts” against that recording.  Of course, even if that is the case, the recording does not tell us much about the intent of the person who did something.
 
When two or more people disagree and one or both feel disrespected or not believed, hurt feelings can ensue. Many will deal with their hurt feelings by discounting the other person - often name calling. It can be very difficult to retreat from this defensive, angry space.  Trust has been shattered and will not be easily restored.  Often one cannot help but question whether the other person cares or respects one. The original issue has now been overshadowed by all that has happened in the futile effort to address the original issue. 
 
There are many factors which make we humans particularly vulnerable to such hurtful interactions.  These include:
 
·       Various factors which affect the speed and reliability of our memories – the event, the sequences and the perception of the intent. Particular brain differences, medical issues and many other factors can affect our memory.
·      The history of our relationship to the feedback in our brain which tells us what we did or saw.   If, for example, my history is to say that “I think I saw or heard X,” then I am less likely to get into a heated argument about ‘the facts.’  If, on the other hand, my history is that I implicitly trust the feedback from my brain ‘recording’  I may find it very difficult to allow for the  possibility of there being more than one version of “the facts.”  
·      The extent to which each of us are comfortable with the possibility that our memory may be vastly different than that of another person.
·      The extent to which each of us are comfortable admitting that we may have acted or spoken without giving our action or spoken word much thought.   
·      The extent to which one or both of us feel embarrassed by our words or actions.
·      The history and habits which each of us brings to any situation.  If our history includes others deliberately lying to us we may have a very strong emotional reaction to what seems to be a lie, an exaggeration or a deliberate insult.
·      The willingness or ability to accept the behavior of the other as human and, thus, very forgivable.
·      Whether a person feels or believes it is safe to forgive.  If it seems the negative behavior of the other is just one more instance of a pattern – a pattern over which  one has decided “they should have more control” – it may seem forgiving is saying it is okay to continue that behavior.
 
It seems to me that the extent to which each of us can consider the above factors will determine how we eventually let go of or hold on to anger, hurt, fear and distrust. We all need to know that those which whom we have a close relationship can accept  and love us as the wonderful, creative, flawed humans that we are.  If, however, someone consistently crosses a bottom line than we may not be able to continue a relationship.   One does need to be very cautious and intentional about what constitutes the “lines in the sand.”  Behavior which may cross the line may include:
·      The use of physical force/violence.
·      Repeated violations of basic relationship contract. For some couples this may mean other sexual relationships, i. e., consistently avoiding shared decision making in areas which both have agreed are to be joint.
·      A significant change in one’s life dance of one which is inconsistent with the core values of the other.  For example, one joining a terrorist organization might make it impossible for the other to continue.
·      Constant criticism of the other.
·      A refusal of a partner to get help for a mental illness, addiction or some other condition which affects the ability to function as partners or puts the family at risk.
 
In my mind there are not many bottom lines. I want to be careful to insure that I do not expand the list of bottom lines in an attempt to force another person to behave the way I want or feel I need for them to behave.  I also want to be especially careful about thinking that I ‘need’ to ‘win’ discussions because I am ‘right’ and the other person is ‘wrong.’   Obviously, relationships take a lot of work, patience, forgiveness and a ton of unconditional love.  If I do not want to have to practice these ‘virtues’ I may need to resign myself to not having any close relationships.
 
 
Written August 11, 2016

​Educating for?
 
Many K through 12 schools in the United States or at least in the part of the United States in which I am living have resumed today.   Teachers have been back for a week or longer. Many of the teachers have spent their summer teaching summer classes, attending workshops, working on advanced degrees or even doing volunteering tutoring.  There are an increasing number of students and teachers who did not have the summer off because they are teaching in a school system which is on a 12-month schedule.  Many children will not be attending classes in the traditional classroom.
 
In the United States the number of children being home schooled continues to grow. The United States Department of Education reported that approximately 3.4 % of children in the United States were home schooled  in 2015.  The reasons given for home schooling on the web site childrensmd.org in an article by Kathleen Berchemann were:
 
1.    We spend less time homeschooling each day than we used to spend driving.
2.    We can’t afford private education.
3.    Our kids are excelling academically as homeschoolers.
4.    Homeschooling is not hard, and it’s fun!
5.    Use whatever public school services you like.
6.    I like parenting more, by far.
7.    Our family spends our best hours of each day together.
8.    We yell at our kids less.
9.    Our kids have time for creative play and unique interests.
10.We are able to work on the kids’ behavior and work ethic throughout the day.
11.Get rid of bad habits, fast.
12.Be the master of your own schedule.
13.Younger children learn from older siblings.
14.Save money.
15.Teach your kids practical life skills.
16.Better socialization, less unhealthy peer pressure and
     bullying.
17. Sleep – Kids get more sleep.
18. Teach your kids your own values.
 
Obviously home schooling is not an option for everyone, but it is working for an increasing number of people from various backgrounds.  Some adults that I know who are home schooling have a lot of formal education and some are more self-educated. All of the ones I know would give many of the same reasons given by the author of this list.   What seems apparent in this list is that the list of reasons itself validates reason number 18 which is about teaching one’s own values.  I am sure that there are exceptions, but all of the families I know who home school (biased because of who I am likely to meet – clients and friends) want to raise kind, responsible, emotionally healthy, passionate, hardworking kids who identify and work toward a life which make the most of their strengths and talents.  The children I have met are not socially limited but seem to relate well to other children and to adults.  I must admit that I have not met or worked with any home school families where there was only a single child.
 
Whether one is home schooling or has children in a school setting with other children (public or private) it is incumbent on the family to articulate the core values they want all the family members to learn and practice.    These are core family values. In other words, no matter what the makeup of the family (same sex, opposite sex, single parent, auntie-parent, grandparent parent) there needs to be one set of evolving values which the entire family is striving to practice.   When I am working with those who are parenting I suggest that family values be posted on the refrigerator and that they reflect the actual practice of all the family members (allowing for age appropriate differences).  If a parent figure is behaving in a way which conflicts with a stated family value, I advise them to cross out that value and add the value represented by the behavior.  The same rule applies to a child in the family.  Most adults and children are much clearer about the values they expect of others in the family than they are for themselves. Often we parental figures practice “do as I say, not as I do.”
 
Sadly school systems are often guilty of behaving in a way which conflicts with the stated values they are committed to teaching the children.  Just this morning, for example, I was reading the local newspaper that the commitment of the school system to lower the number of days that kids are being sent home on suspension is being achieved, in part, by sending kids home and not calling or recording it as at-home suspension.   The core value in this case would seem to be “If one continues a behavior, but renames it, one is not violating the core value not to engage in that behavior.”  In other words, in this case, one is not lying statistically if one is renaming a behavior.  C behavior is now D behavior.  Thus, one can say that one did not engage in C behavior and did not lie. 
 
If our goal is to teach and not punish, then one is interested in determining whether or not the student is learning a new skill, study habits, or other behavior.  Just suspending a student does not teach and often is not seen as punishment either by the student.  Lying about suspension rates also does not teach the value most of us want taught.
 
It is not only important that the school system behave in a way which is consistent with the core values it is committed to teaching students, the larger society must also make the same commitment.   If one reads the newspaper or otherwise accesses news reports, one finds that, as a community, we fall short of living by the principles we say we want to teach and require of our school age children.  
 
For example, former governor Rob Blagojevich was just told by a parole board he would have to serve the full 14 years for attempting to sell a congressional seat when he was governor.  What is the purpose of keeping him in prison for 14 years at a total, approximate cost to the taxpayer of $428,677.9?  For all reports the man has made significant behavioral changes in his thinking and behavior. Is the goal punishment or behavioral change? 
 
There are many other examples of behavior by we adults which seems to conflict with the values we say we want our school kids to learn.  Although I am delighted the option of home schooling is workable for approximately 3 to 4 percent of families, I also think if we want to teach school age children the core values which determine how the skills they are learning are applied, we need to model that behavior in our school system as well as in the larger society.  This is also the standard to which we need to hold the candidates for political office.
 
Written August 10, 2016

​School Bells – Grade 1 – week 1
 
Today, Thursday, is the first day for me to spend with the first grade class of my adopted niece Sam.   As I mentioned yesterday, the school system has invited me to teach a class on current affairs once a week to a first grade class and once a week to an 8th grade class.  Sam’s brother, my adopted nephew is in the 8th grade class.
 
I already know Sam and some of her friends are particularly precocious 7-year-olds.
 
As I did with Paul’s 8th grade class I began with introductions.  I asked each child to tell me about problems which concern they and their families.  Sam wanted to go first.
 
Sam:  You know my name.  Are you going to make us cookies Uncle Jim?
 
Me: I might.  Is that your most important concern?
 
Sam: (laughing) No because I know you will anyway!  I worry that someone will beat up Ahmes just because she is Muslim.
 
Ahmes:  My name is Ahmes.  My family is from Egypt and we are not yet citizens. Will the new president send up back to Egypt?
 
Sue:  My name is Sue.  I like your cookies too.  Are we going to run out of money to find a cure for people like me? (Sue has to use a wheelchair.  She chose not to tell the class why she is in a wheelchair but I know that she has muscular dystrophy.)
 
Tommy:  My name is Tommy and my mother is a pilot for the air force and I am afraid she is going to die.
 
Sofia; My name is Sofia and my parents are afraid the government might build a wall so I will never see my grandparents in Mexico.
 
Steve:  My name is Steve. The other day someone else got hit while riding their bicycle and now my parents will not let me ride mine unless they are with me.
 
Susie: My name is Susie and I think we treat the trees mean. We cut them down to build more houses. My brother says the trees help up breathe. Is that true?
 
As I was with Paul’s class I was very impressed with the fact that these 7-year old young people think about really important issues. 
 
Next week when we will talk about how we learn to be prejudiced – how we learn to judge each other on the basis of religion or some other single factor.  I suggested to the kids that they talk with their families about this prior to class next week.
 
Written August 11, 2016