​Cheer
 
The December assignment for the Story Circle Creating Writing Class in Safety Harbor, Florida is to write on “What gives you cheer?”  I always look forward to these assigned topics because they present a different challenge than my usual daily blog.  The subjects or goal of the daily blog is generally triggered by an experience, concern or internal struggle.  When I write on an assigned topic I often have to stop and be quiet with the topic or the word until my internal search engine reviews the history of my relationship with the topic, word or concept.
 
Etymologist seems to agree that the word cheer in Old French – chiere; late Latin – cara; or Greek –kara, referred to head and then more specifically to face.  Eventually it referred to one’s mood or the act of encouraging others. Thus, one might hold up a drink glass and say “cheers” or one might say “be of good cheer” One might also say “You are looking particularly cheerful today.”   If one asks what brings one cheer one is basically asking what brings one joy or what envelops one in happiness.
 
It is difficult for me to call up one event or situation which has been the most cheerful or joyful.   I am blessed to be a person who seems to have a strong sense of home.  I can experience a sense of home – of comfort, joy, belonging – when I greet my cousins the spring flowers. The first blossoms of the spring which might be a delicate crocus, the blanket of yellow which cover the forsythias bushes, the first smell of spring, the rich aroma of a working farm with farm animals, the birth of my son, some success of my son, the light of the epiphany which will allow a recovering addict to make a new choice, a photo of a couple I know who are now in Jamaica on their honeymoon, seeing someone at the grocery store I have not seen for some time, a work of art which wraps its arms around me so tightly that I disappear into it, my first wife serenading me with her beautiful voice as she accompanied herself on the piano, a touching scene in a novel or short story, or an aria in an opera sung from the depths of one’s soul brings me cheer.
 
What brings me cheer?  Opening myself to the beauty of being present with all of creation in whatever forms it arrives is what brings that lightness of being; that space where one does not have to work at being oneself, but allows oneself to be. In this place joy and laughter spill out to cover the holiday table with dancing, playful beams of light.
 
459 words
Jimmy F. Pickett
 
 
 

​Rough edges
 
For reasons, which are not clear to me, I recently kept drifting in and out of a dream.  The dream has something to do with jagged or rough edges, but that is all I can remember.    Perhaps the dream had to do with the speaker at a Narcotics Anonymous meeting I recently attended.  Most of my readers know that I attempt to attend one or two 12 step meetings a week since I recommend the 12-step program as one of the primary options for those wanting to recovery from an active addictive disorder.  The woman who spoke at the meeting has been in recovery for over 20 years.  Once she got into recovery she went back to school and became a certified special education teacher for grade school age children.
 
This woman spent a lot of time as a child in her parent’s bar where she learned to feed an addiction not only to alcohol but to both the lifestyle and the people who are able to live in that often tough, no nonsense atmosphere; an atmosphere where alcohol, sometime other drugs and living close to the edge of survival toughen the exterior shield and often the heart.   All or most who experience this life style report an attraction to living on the edge although eventually the internal and external violence or near violence leaves most exhausted and empty.
 
Life choices which keep the adrenaline flowing at a fast pace has a certain attraction.  The popularity of action sports which present the possibility of imminent danger such as downhill skiing, football, roller coaster, extreme roller blading or biking, and a host of others attract a host of participants and vicarious participants/observers.
 
Although many of us get very excited about a new poem, paintings, and much of nature for many that is not the same as living on the edge.
 
Even the most experienced adrenaline junky gets tired of the eventual physical and mental toll of living on the edge in the midst of active addiction.

The speaker at the 12-step meeting – this attractive, elegant, educated woman was honest about the fact that she is still attracted to aspects of living on the edge.  She has to remind herself of the destruction this life style holds for the individual and all whose life he or she touches.  Children, parents, spouses, neighbors and other live in the rubble of the resulting destruction.
 
This woman can now get excited about helping others find a new way to live without the guaranteed destruction of active addiction.  When she was still teaching, she could, I suspect, get excited about students with special needs who reached a new level of achievement after a lot of work.  None of this excitement may match certain aspects of her life in early addiction, but that is the price she pays for living as a member of a community; of living with the knowledge that she is not the center of the universe; of living a life which carries the promise of a warm bed or a decent meal; of living a life which does not leave destruction in one’s wake.
 
One of the reasons why the 12-step program can be successful for many is that many recovering addict can identify with the pull of living on the edge as well as the pain of doing so.  That level of identification and honesty is necessary if one wants to help the recovering addict, the veteran returning from an active war zone, or the gang member who is going to make new choices.
 
A mental health counselor can often be helpful to the recovering addict or others recovery from trauma,  but only someone who has lived on the edge can truly understand and appreciate the attraction and the danger.  As a mental health counselor, I need to remember this.
 
Written November 6, 2018
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

​Sexual violence
 
Last evening in Wheeling, West Virginia I attended a screening of the documentary film Brave Miss World.   Several organizations including the Sexual Assault Help Center, Temple Shalom, Vance Presbyterian Church, The Catholic Diocese of Wheeling Charleston, the Junior League, the YWCA and others sponsored the screening and brought the woman who made the film, Cecilia Peck (daughter of Gregory Peck)  to Wheeling to lead the discussion and meet with community members.  The film is the story of how the abduction, stabbing, and rape of Ms. Israel Linor Abargil six weeks prior her being crowned Miss World led to the connection of many from around the world – both women and men – who have been victims of sexual violence.  It is the story of the leadership of Linor Abargil in using her experience to find ways to heal and  help others to heal; to help communities in many countries and culture face the unpleasant reality of sexual violence.   It is also the story of an increasing number of women film makers who are using this medium to call attention to issues which need to be a universal concern.   Many, for example,  are familiar with the work of Elaine McMillion Sheldon whose films Heroines and Recovery Boys have brought attention to some efforts to address opioid addiction. 
 
Statistics vary, but a number of sources indicate that in many communities as many as 1 in 4 females and 1 in 6 males will be sexually abuse before age 18.  34 % of people who sexually abuse a child are family members (americanspcc.org).  
 
One of the scenes in the movie Brave Miss World depicts a group of apparently drunken ivy league male college students chanting:  “No mean yes.   Yes means anal.”
 
What are communities around the world doing to stop sexual abuse of children and adults.  Certainly Sexual Assault Help Centers, the Me Too Movement, YWCA and some other organizations are doing their part to insist that this issue be addressed.   
 
Here in the United States The National Organization Of Men Against Sexism have addressed these and related issues since the 1970ies.   I was a member of this organization for a number of years.   I am not sure how active it is now, although there are a number of individuals including Doug Gertner (Grateful Dad) and Dr. Robert Brannon who have devoted a lot of their personal and professional life to addressing issues such as violence against women and other forms of oppression.  
 
Increased prosecution, prison time and sexual offender lists have not addressed the core issues and, as far as I can determine, have not slowed sexual abuse or other forms of violence.   Accurate statistics are difficult to come by and, records, such as sexual offender lists are kept by states. The laws about who is on these lists also vary according to states and countries.
 
The Roman Catholic Church is currently being forced to address a long history of sexual abuse by priests.  Some dioceses have historically been very proactive in addressing sexual abuse and some have not.
 
We must do more to identify and address the root causes of sexual abuse.  More of we males need to assume strong leadership roles in this effort.  We must, I believe, do more than identify, prosecute and jail abusers.  This does not address the root causes and is financially, emotionally, legally and spiritually very expensive.  Once someone is a victim of sexual abuse the price for them is horrendous.  Ironically, most of our approach has to do with the legal system which entails tax money from victims and non-victims. 
 
What is the role of us males in identifying and addressing the root causes of sexual violence as well as other forms of oppression?  What is our role as fathers, husbands, uncles, grandfathers, and community leaders?  What is our role as service providers, teachers, and coaches?  What is our role as business people who use sexual materials to sell everything from food to automobiles? What is our role as social scientists and legislators?  Are we ready to ask the difficult, often uncomfortable questions about intimacy, sexual activity and violence?
 
Written November 5, 2018
 

​Sunday Musings – November 4, 2018
 
In some ways, following the trauma of the shooting at the Tree of Life Synagogue in Pittsburgh last weekend this week was relatively calm.   The interfaith service at Temple Shalom organized by Rabbi Joshua Lief which gathered together a significant number of people was comforting and a positive reminder that we can have a peaceful and loving community which allows us to celebrate our differences while combining our talents and energy to take care of each other.    
 
Despite the negative campaigning by so many here in the United States. as we head towards the mid-term elections in the United States, I choose to believe that “we can overcome” the hatred which springs from fear.
 
Locally, Peoples University this week focused on the origin and development over the centuries of the concept of Human Rights reminding me to look at how far we as humans have moved towards an inclusionary society.  In many parts of the world slaves are no longer legal despite still, at times, being tolerated under other labels, females are assuming their place alongside of and not behind us males.  Although the internet may provide more opportunity to spread negative messages including hate, every morning I get many reminders in my email box of those working to create a more just and loving world.   We, as humans, are daily moving forward one step at a time and perhaps only one half step back. 
 
As the adage goes, we are not where we want to be, but we are not where we were yesterday or where we plan to be tomorrow.  
 
As I read the newspaper this morning I was reminded that there remains an attachment to punishment as a way of stopping or greatly reducing violence.  Yet, there was also a wonderful letter to the editor by the Rabbi of the local Temple about the outpouring of support last weekend in response to the shooting; the recommitment to loving and takin care of each other; the recommitment to respond to fearful hate with love.  There was also an article about the support of many of local veterans, scholarship awards to students, advancement in specialty services at local hospitals, and the opportunities at the local community college.   
 
A friend emailed me and asked me to reread the 14th chapter of the book in the New Testament attributed to John.  One could and many do use the words in this chapter to reinforce or justify one’s belief that only the select few who obey certain rules will have eternal life in a literal heavenly house or one could read it in the context of this teacher who leads this very simple life and strives to teach unconditional love. 
 
I realize that one must be careful when talking about love.  Love is used to justify all manner of punishing, hateful, exclusionary behavior. Love is often used to in the context of “tough love” which I sometimes experience as tough but not very loving.   It can be tough to love unconditionally while honoring the fact that someone is not yet able to accept help for their addiction to drugs, power, sex or other people, places and things outside of themselves.  It can be tough to love without insisting, as did the disciples, that the person repent of their “sins” first. It can be tough to love when people are dying because of guns fired in the name of justice, fairness, the will of the god of someone’s understanding, or even in the name of bringing peace or democracy.  It can be tough to love when a child is abused. 
 
Love is tough and, yet, I am not sure that what is termed “tough love” is always loving.
 
As we in the United States vote this week it may seem as if the words of Martin Luther King Jr have been forgotten and, yet, they are lived by many as the respond to hate/fear with love in Pittsburgh, Florida, North Carolina and in many other places.
 
We can indeed overcome – not quickly, easily or without painful vulnerability, but we can and will overcome.
 
 
Written November 4, 2018
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

​ Poem
 
This morning I listened to the November 1, 2018 podcast of On Being; the conversation between host Krista Tippett  and Tracy K Smith, the current United States poet laureate.  She is also the director of the creative writing program at Princeton University, host of a postcast, and the author of several books, the latest of which is American Journal:  Fifty Poems For Our Time.
 
Ms. Smith says:  “…poetry facilitates this thing that says, OK, we’re not going to be talking at each other or speculating about each other, but rather opening ourselves up to something, a voice on a page, and talking about what that speaks to.”
 
When I work for/with others whether in a counseling or another teaching role, I often suggest writing as a way of opening oneself up to the  truth about what one is thinking and/or feeling. For me, honesty is a necessary perquisite to taking the next step.  The adage which is found in many academy settings “The truth shall set you free.” is also found in the New Testament in John.   It is alleged to have been spoken by Jesus.  My understanding in that in both John and James Jesus is stating that one must walk the talk. 
 
Often when I write I find that the truth which I though I was living is very different than the truth I am actually living.  As all my friends, acquaintances, and readers of this blog know I can be extremely verbose; so much so that I get lost in my own words.  When I give myself permission to write down my truth in the form of a poem I am limited to the kernels of truth which will reveal the reality of who I am at that moment.  The poem unwraps the layers which cover that small kernel of truth.  For example, yesterday the covering layer with which I began was righteous anger.   I wrote:
 
Layer 1
 
How dare they?
 
Who do they think they are?
 
Really, this is their excuse?
 
Layer 2
 
What if?
 
I am afraid that …
 
Layer 3
 
Did I rush through writing that document?
 
Is my laziness in proofreading going to….?
 
Layer 4
 
Fear creates a mountain of anger.
 
Driving away the voices of sanity.
 
Layer 5
 
Breathe
 
I will deal with whatever lessons life presents.
 
Breathe
 
Layer 6
 
Old messages discounting my worth
 
silently wait in that book of memories.
 
A tone, a word, a perceived sight, or even a smell
 
rings the bells which triggers the fear which 
 
calls up the righteous anger which pushes away.
 
Layer 7
 
I am not my fear
 
my isolation
 
my righteous anger.
 
Layer 8
 
I am.
 
 
Written November 2, 2018
 

​Dear Santa
 
I mean no disrespect but you may have noticed that you and those silly reindeer have been replaced by Alexa and, in some cases, by less personal assistants such as Google Home.
 
Your little toy factory was, as we all know, very limited.    Alexa has no such limits.   She is able to gather toys and other gifts from around the world and deliver them quickly for a low annual fee. 
 
There may have been a time when it was thought charming and somewhat quaint for you to fill the stocking with fruit and candy and leave some other gift which may or may not have been close to what was actually ordered.   Often it was not and to put it bluntly your return policy sucked.   Oh, sure you eventually included return slip receipts, but most of the time one was stuck with the results of your sloppiness or failure to listen in the first place.
 
You will need to turn over your Santa costume and accessories to Alexa since she will be posing as you until the adults accept the change.  You may have noticed or been informed that children now do their own shopping all year long.  Alexa is available 24/7 365 days’ year.
 
I am sure that you can order your own milk and cookies.  I am including a one year subscription to Amazon Prime and an Amazon echo. Just be aware that anything you order will be charged to your credit card.  Your days of free milk and cookies in exchanged for one night of often poor service are over.   Please don’t think that I am ungrateful for the limited services you and Mrs. Clause provided in that same soot covered, rather ratty, red suit for many years.
 
As Heraclitus reminded us the only constant is change. Did you not pay attention when he was talking?   Really! You have had hundreds of years to plan for retirement. I cannot help it if you decided to put all our money into making more toys.   Perhaps there is a greeter position opened at Walmart.  I am sorry to report that, unlike certain Google employees, you will not be receiving a $90,000,000.00 severance package for unacceptable behavior. 
 
I remain arrogantly and ungratefully yours,
 
Ebenezer Scrooge
 
Written  November 1, 2018