For whom shall we weep?
Devout Jews believe what is referred to as the wailing wall “to be the Western Wall of, the Second Temple of Jerusalem (destroyed by the Romans in 70 CE), the only surviving structure of the Herodian Temple built during the realm of Herod Agrippa (37 BCE-4CE) in the first century NCE. ...some Arabs “dispute the claim that the wall belongs to the temple, arguing instead that it is part of the structure of Al-Aqua Mosque on the Temple Mount.
The structure’s description of the wailing wall derives from its Arabic Identification as el-Mankato, or “place of weeping,” (thoughtco.com)\
Since the 1967 Six- Day War when Israel annexed Arab East Jerusalem Israel has maintained control of the site. Many come to the wailing wall to pray and to weep. Since 2009 one has been able to twitter one’s prayers which are then taken in printed form to the wall.
I thought of the wailing wall this morning when a friend of mine who has and is experiencing multiple losses messaged me “I will have my time at the wailing wall”.
My friend clearly understands and respects the fact that grief is our thoughts and feelings about loss whereas “mourning is when you take the grief you have on the inside and express it outside yourself.” (Alan Wolfelt. taps.org)
My friend also appreciates that mourning is not about anger, blame, or judgment. Of course we might have thoughts of blame wanting to somehow make sense off a loss. If, however, we can step back far enough, we will know that the humans perspective and experience is much too limited to make sense of all that happens. We also know that all is temporary; that millions of generations of people have lived before us and, if we do not destroy the planet as it currently exists, millions of generations of people will follow us. We also know that pandemics, famines, storms such as hurricanes and many other of nature’s acts fail to consider how it affect us humans. Of course, we humans like to think that the action of nature or other people, places and things is about us. Yet, if we are well enough to be both a participant and an observer of this dance, we know that our part of the dance is both essential and but a Nano second in the cosmic dance. This does not, however, prevent us from grief or mourning the pain of those who die at 25 in tragic accidents; those who live their life in active addiction without experiencing real connection, those whose clinical depression becomes unbearable, or those who must claim ownership of land or symbols such as the wall claimed by both the Arab and Jewish people.
Many of us are fearful of our need to mourn. Often we feel if we allow our grief to become manifest reality we will have what I refer to as a Humpty Dumpty Experience; falling apart and not being able to be put back together. The truth, of course, is that if we do not allow ourselves to mourn - to go to our version or symbol of the wailing wall - we will implode with the grief we have stored.
My experience is that most of us humans stumble through this journey so fearful of giving life to our grief that we seek connection without connection, temporary relief in alcohol, other street drugs, sex, shopping, food or other people, places and things. Some of us try geographic cures only to find we take ourselves with us
Some of us decide that other races, genders, those whose sexual orientation is different than ours, those with money, those without money, or those who religious framework is different are responsible for our grief. Certainly, it is true that us humans can inflict great destructive pain on each other. Many of us are so called citizens of nations which wage war; often in the name of justice or fairness. Yet, when we meet face to face as people and not as labels we find that we are all the walking wounded desperately wanting love and connection. Paradoxically, it is in our shared mourning at the wailing wall that we find ourselves with and in each other.
It is only when we mourn that we come home to ourselves and to each other. It is only when we avail ourselves of the wailing wall that we experience our sacred place in the cosmic dance.
Written August 6, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
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