​Meditations on Lent -#5
 
I love receiving holiday cards and letters from family – biological and intentional.  For some, holiday season has extended through February or even March.   Some arrive with photos and vivid descriptions of their joys, accomplishments and trials of the past year.  Sometime early in the new year I will clean off the large bulletin board in my kitchen and post all the new photos.  Throughout the year I will post other photos or mementoes of gatherings.  I will daily sit for some time with these reminders of the richness of my life.  I am also aware of the stack of church bulletins, theater and symphony performance tickets, and other community events I share with neighbors and loved ones. They quickly pile up on the table near the bulletin board.
 
One of the “dangers” of  keeping these reminders close by is that I am sometimes tempted to keep score.  Just yesterday I received a long holiday letter which details the long list of good deeds which friends  have done the past year. If I did not know better I might think that this family is exaggerating or even arrogantly boasting.   I know, however that this exceptional family lives very simply, joyfully takes care of others in the United States and South America, and is humbly grateful for the opportunity to do so.
 
I love reading their letters but am tempted when I finished to score their goodness and mine.   They would score 99.9999999 out of a possible 100 and I would score 10 or 15 out of a possible 100.  Yet, I know that each of us is offering our unique contribution.  Of  course, I know that I hope to keep growing spiritually and would like to come closer to my idealized version of the humility and self-sacrifice of many of my friends.     The insecure part of me  knows that I am much too attached to the luxuries of my life to be able to approach this idealized version of near sainthood. 
 
I am reminded that in this season of Lent one of the attachments I could let go of would be this attachment to comparison and to my idealized version of the sainthood of others.   I do both them and myself a disservice by not embracing our shared humanness.    I find it relatively easy to give up tangible luxuries during Lent. I find it more difficult to give up my attachment to this tendency to judge myself and others; to celebrate my worth compared to the worth of those I decide are genuinely spiritual. 
 
The God of my understanding does not require that I be more than, better than, richer than, humbler than or in any way compared to others; just that for today I accept Grace – unconditional love.  The more I am willing to accept this Grace the more filled I will be and the more I will have to share with others.
 
Written March 11, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org
 

​Meditations on Lent - #4
Sunday Musings – March 10, 2019
 
Another week has quickly passed. If one listened to national and international news one might easily fall into a state of despair or elation.  There are certainly many good people who are convinced that we in the United States must “Make America Great Again”.  There are others who although grateful for the many blessings of a privileged status have always been aware of racism, sexism, and  homophobia, as well as  discrimination and oppression based on religious beliefs, gender,  status, or an inability to wear the family, community or company lies.  I recall violent racism against blacks, Native Americans,  those who did not fit gender stereotypes, and females when I was in grade school.  I also recall strong, often negative feelings toward those who questioned the version of history being taught.  The challenges which kept the United States from being great have been present since its inception.  These challenges are still present.
 
Sadly, many Christians who seem the cruelest cite Bible verses to justify their cruelty.   Today, March 10, 2019 the liturgical calendar suggests Romans 10:8b-13 and Luke 4:1-13.  For some following the teachings of these verses seems to mean worshiping their exclusionary God and resisting the Satan of the God of the understanding of others.  The God of the understanding of some Christians is the one true God as revealed in Jesus although such teachings as loving one’s enemy seem to not  apply to loving those  whose understanding of God is different or worse those who believe in no God. When I was growing up most of us had not heard the teaching of such radicals as the Unitarians or Dr. Bob and Bill W.  The idea that each could have a God of one’s understanding and still be invited to the inner circle of family was and often still is heresy.
 
On this first Sunday of Lent in the liturgical calendar of many Christian churches perhaps it is possible to posit a God who cannot be envisioned, named or described – a god who is oneness – a god who is the “I am” – an  inclusive god who encompasses the best of who we are and who is contained in the infinity of the universes.  Perhaps if we could do this we would indeed move closer to a United States which is great.
 
Written March 10, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org


 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Meditation on Lent - #3
 
I used to work in a prison and have visited people in prison on a number of occasions.  A portion of the individual with/for whom I work in my counseling practice are those who have struggled with addiction.  It would seem that those who have endured prison, struggled with addiction or otherwise known hardship would be the most  accepting and loving of humans. Yet, social scientists have studied the behavior patterns of those who known hardship or been abused.  Those who have suffered abuse (by others or as a result of  an illness or addiction) are more likely to abuse/mistreat others.    On the surface this makes no sense at all and, yet, it seems universally true.   It also seems true of groups and institutions.   Christians, Jews, Muslims and others have and continue to be oppressed and otherwise abused in many parts of the world.  Logic would seem to dictate that they would want to embrace those who were different in terms of beliefs or even behavior and, yet, that seems not to be the case much of the time.    Although there are wonderful exceptions – Martin Luther King, Jr. ; Jewish  nonviolent groups in Israel, the Quakers as well as a host of others – much of the hatred, verbal and physical violence, shunning and other mistreatment is perpetrated by those who have been abused.  Often those most abusive in domestic situation are those who have felt unloved, unwanted and mistreated.    At one level this is understandable.  Often, us humans, use anger as a shield against past pain and the fear of new pain. Yet, we also know that is going to ensure that the cycle continues. 
 
Surely, even without funded studies, Jesus understood this cycle.  He clearly understood why humans labeled others as enemies.  He understood that when someone worked hard for one’s possessions one got very upset with the person who stole from them.  He understood why some would think that killing one’ s enemy before they killed was a good idea.  He even understood why humans posited such concept as “the chosen people” and why one needed others to respect one’s God.  He may have understood why some believed that “unless one called upon or proclaimed a particular god as “the one true God” one would not have eternal life.   Yet Jesus also came from long line of  misfits who believed that “I am” was the perfect description of God; why there was more than one creation story; why feeding people or hosting a dinner party was the most divine or spiritual action one could take.
 
He really did understand why Peter would thrice deny him or why Judas would betray him.  His very humility allowed him to identify with Peter, Judas and other who would abuse and mistreat others.   His very humility allowed him to make outrageous suggestions:  Love your enemy; allow he/she who takes your cloak to keep it; treat your neighbor as yourself; respond to hate with love; to violence with nonviolence; to bullies with open hearts and arms; to the challenged leader with arms ready to embrace.
 
Perhaps for those of us using the framework of the Christian religion it is time to challenge ourselves to take the leap of faith; to consider that indeed we can move beyond our comfort to this discomfort of loving who we see in the mirror - those we often label the enemy.
 
 
Written March 9, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org
​

​Meditation on Lent - #2
 
As I contemplate what it might mean to continue the journey of  helping or supporting each other in returning ourselves to ourselves, I wonder what this means for those with a mental illness.  First, I must explore the concept of mental illness.  My understanding of mental illness is it is a physical state of being which prevents one from thinking and acting in a way which is consistent with the health of self and others.  Obviously, this is such a broad definition that it extends far beyond those conditions which are included In the DSM -5 ( The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorder).  The problem, of course, with my broad definition is it can be very subjective.  The DSM seems to assume that those who do not fit the narrow definition of mental illness can choose  behavior which is healthy for self and others.   This assumption seems to beg the question of why one who does not currently qualify as mentally ill chooses a behavior which is unhealthy for self and others. We know behavior which is unhealthy for self is always directly or indirectly unhealthy for others.   If all of life is interdependent all behavior affects the entire universe to a lesser or greater extent.
 
Much of religious theology and certainly Christian Theology posits a concept of free will.   In many countries the concept of justice  necessarily assumes free will.  Thus, in the state of West Virginia in the United States of America, a former supreme court judge stated that he committed an illegal act and deserves to be held accountable.   One might then ask, how would a man who been respected enough to be elected to this esteemed role decide to behave in a way which was harmful to himself, his family and the wider community.  As far as I know he has not been diagnosed with a DSM V  identified mental illness. We must  ask:
 

1. Is it possible that he has an undiagnosed illness  which adversely affects his ability to make rational decisions?
2. It is possible that he was never exposed to thinking that  allowed him to consider that he is not the center of the universe – an interdependent part of the universe?

 
 
Certainly option 1 is possible.  Many tumors, infections and other  conditions which affect the functioning of the brain are never diagnosed.  This undiagnosed condition would count as a mental illness under my definition.  If he had  a condition such as a brain tumor it would be labeled as a physical and not a mental condition even though it is affecting his ability to think and make decisions.
 
Option 2 would indicate that the connection between his right and left hemispheres has never fully developed or something has happened to stop the transmission of information between the hemispheres.  It has been posited by such learned individuals as Ian McGilchrist that that the right hemisphere focuses on the big picture or concept and the f left focuses on the details.  The better we are able to envision or conceptualize the big picture the more we are able to effectively attend to details and vice  versa.  We know that often teenagers whose brain is not fully developed allow immediate gratification to make decisions without any concern for the long-term consequences. Those with an addictive illness, a bipolar depressive illness and many others who may or may not fit the relative narrow definition of mental illness current in vogue are often unable to consider long term consequences.
 
The operate word here is unable.  When someone is unable to exercise free will by considering the details and the larger concept/picture  it does not make sense to label them as a bad person or a criminal; to assume that they are their behavior.
 
As we contemplate what it might mean in this season of Lent to help each other return ourselves to ourselves we might consider this broader definition of mental illness in the context of Jesus telling us to love our enemy,  to allow the person who takes our cloak to keep it,  give without expectations, and do until others what you would have them do unto you.  Instead of judging or punishing others we could assume that all of us deserve  unconditional love.  Even those who need to be in a protective environment because they are unable to consider how their behavior affects others need to know that they are loved; that we do not blame them for their malfunctioning brain; that we know that our human brain is just as fragile; that we believe that only love helps us return ourselves to each other.
 
For many of us the implications of the teachings of Jesus might be difficult to accept.  Yet, perhaps we are called to accept this challenge.
 
 
Written March 8, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org
 
 

​Lent – a ritual
 
Many have written erudite books on the tradition of Lent in the Christian Church. Ohers will write and  deliver powerful sermons on the subject. Many whose spiritual framework is the Christian religion will remind themselves of the story of Jesus fasting for forty days and forty nights.  Few  will fast for forty days and forty nights or even skip a meal for forty days.  Yet many of us attempting to use the Christian framework to grow spiritually or to return ourselves to ourselves, as Father  Boyle has phrased it, will attempt to perform some ritual during this period of lent which will  daily remind us that change often feels like a sacrifice. Some may give up desert.  Others may give up some or all television time.   Still others may give up nicotine, caffeine or that morning donut. Giving up any of these may actually be more of a gift than a sacrifice.  One might feel somewhat or a lot better. Yet. no matter, what behavior one “sacrifices” for 40 days it may initially feel very uncomfortable.    Most will sacrifice what was unhealthy for us.   One might then ask, “If one gives up something unhealthy, can it be considered a sacrifice?” 
 
In Matthew 4: 1-2  Jesus is led by the spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil.  In modern parlance one might say, “Daily we are tempted to judge others while ignoring or rebranding our own unkind behavior, to self-righteously claim more than our share, to avoid accepting responsibility for our past actions, to abuse our bodies with too much unhealthy food, alcohol or other drugs, to puff ourselves up with costumes which prove our greater worth or in other ways to avoid or deny our humanness and our interdependence.  
 
Every human I know - this human is no exception – easily gets off centered.  We behave in a way which disrespects our sacredness and the sacredness of others.  We forget to laugh at our silliness and to daily welcome home the prodigal child which is us.  Often, we  avoid the primary purpose of the ritual of lent because we have mis interrupted sacrifice as denying ourselves rather than returning to ourselves.  We become the child who is feeling judgmental and resentful  because it seems the prodigal child is loved and appreciated more than the martyred self.  We refuse to open wide our arms  and run to greet ourselves with a hug and a kiss.  We think only of sacrifice and forget the Grace – the unconditional love – which we will celebrate as Easter.
 
What will l let go of this Lenten season?  Perhaps I can let go of the burden of some of the ways I run from myself and instead turn toward myself with a welcome hug and kiss. 
 
Written March 7, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org

​Spinning on Ash Wednesday
 
I grew up in rural Oklahoma without electricity, attended a regional country school, and had limited access to a radio, and no access to newspapers or magazines (I do not recall any magazines in our school library but perhaps that is inaccurate).  I did have access to books - even if not current - an old set of encyclopedias which belonged to Grandma Fannie and the news reels which one saw on the relatively rare visits to the movie theatre.  The most accessible news arrived via way of relatives and neighbors who l recall having very passionate reports or interpretations of what was happening.   I do not recall the word spin ever being used in regards to news reports but, as I think back even on what was reported, how it was reported and what was not reported I am acutely aware that spinning the news reports to reinforce an opinion or an action is something us humans have been doing for as long as we been living together.     The only change is that many of us humans have access to various mediums to offer our spin on our individual histories, our family histories and our history as communities, cities, states, regions, countries and alliances of countries.  In fact, there are so many versions of each event that one’s head can be spinning by the time one has been up for an hour or less.    By 7:00 a.m.  this morning I had been up for two hours and had already had received several versions of the same events.    The version from one “news” source to the next was very different.    There are now organizations which purport to do fact checking, but even those reports might have a conscious or unconscious bias.   One topic which left my head spinning this morning was immigration.  I was overwhelmed with phrases/assertions such as illegal immigration; criminals trying to come into the country; families with children fleeing violence and poverty; unaccompanied teenagers being sent by parents who fear for the safety of their children; irresponsible parents attempting to make someone else responsible for their children; drug runners; students and workers staying past the expiration date of their visa; sex workers; workers and others paying into social security, Medicare and the local, state federal tax systems who reap no benefits;  and those who  managed to enter and navigate the complicated and long system for becoming citizens.
 
If I google for more information I have to sort through thousands of potential sources of information.  If I narrow the search I have to be aware of  how my choice of words to narrow the search is going to affect the nature of the reports I can now review.
 
I want to be a well-informed, participating member of the community, the state and the nation who considers the needs of all the citizens or at least as many as possible.    I am going to have to make educated guesses while continuing to practice active listening to as wide a variety of sources as possible.   I am also going to have to identify sources who may have  personal experiences of having lived the issue I am attempting to investigate.  Most of all I am going to have to identify my own prejudices and vested interests.
 
Perhaps on this day which is celebrated in the Christian Church as Ash Wednesday: the beginning of Lent, the beginning of a period of fasting for some; a time of repentance; a day on which Christian are reminded from dust to dust,  is a good day to accept the limitations and possibilities of our humanness to find those kernels which will allow us as a community to use compassion and humility along with a dash of honesty and the courage of faith to guide us in formulating opinions and policies.
 
Written March 6, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org
 
 
 
 
 
 

​Making it personal
 
It seems many of us humans spend a lifetime reacting to the behavior of others as if their behavior Is about us.  While it is true that, at times, others deliberately say something or take an action the intent of which is to emotionally or every physically hurt us, the behavior of others is not about us even if it affects us.  All us humans engage in behavior which is designed to meet our needs either temporarily or in a more long-term fashion.  If one deliberately decides to hurt another it may be because one thinks that behavior will either even the score or in some other way make one feel better.  If one does a kind action it is also designed to make the giver feel good about themselves.  This does not diminish the value of the kind action. 
 
Often, one may blame another person for his or her behavior.  One might, for example, assert that if one’s parents had not behaved in a different way than one would not have chosen some unhealthy behavior.  One might say that if one’s boss treated one better one would be a more productive worker.   One might say that if person or group x had not behaved in a certain way than one could have made different choices.
 
There is truth to the fact that one can only choose behavior which is in one’s toolbox. If one has only been exposed to one behavioral option as a response to situation Y he or she is likely to choose that option. On the other hand, we all know people who have grown up in terrible conditions -even with very abusive parents - and have deliberately shopped for other options.  Those who shop for other options somehow came to believe that there must be a more effective or kinder way to function.  Perhaps an author, neighbor, teacher or even a peer opened up that door of hope for them.   In order for that door to open one has to accept the possibility that they deserve to find another path.   Whether one calls this hope or some other name, one has to allow for that possibility that if X can have a good life then one can also have a good life.
 
If one cannot access that hope or belief then one may well be a victim waiting for someone or something to rescue one.  Many people, for example, wait their entire life for a parent or parents to give them the unconditional love they crave.   Some wait for that perfect job, scholarship, winning lottery number or some other magic to happen.
 
We know that habit, clinical depression, negative people or other factors can keep one locked into a negative, victim role.   Other people, places, and things only have the power that we accede to them.  Granted, it may feel as if one has no power, but the truth is that the behavior or thinking of others does not determine one’s thoughts or actions today.  Today most of us have the option of venturing outside the negative, victim box.  One may need help from medication, exercise, a change in diet, a trusted friend/mentor or a professional.  It is up to us  to claim that help.
 
We cannot change other people, places or things but we can change ourselves and the doors we seek; the doors of hope and possibilities.
 
 
Written March 5, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org

Root causes
 
I was surprised when listening to an interview with a psychologist the other day that she “discovered” through research that sexism, misogyny, homophobia and other forms of oppression and discrimination arises from fear.  I was surprised because it seems obvious to me that oppression and discrimination – systematic or more individualized – have a very distinct purpose.   Of course, it may also  be true that the behavior becomes so normal and or codified that the person who practices the behavior is not conscious or thoughtful of the purpose.  This is especially evident when oppressive or discriminatory behavior is justified or presented as religious dogma allegedly ordered or sanctioned by a God or gods.   This does not mitigate the fact that the purpose of the behavior was to booster the feeling of self-worth of the person engaging in the behavior.   There also may be behavior which arises out of the original justification which is now accepted by many in the position of authority and never questioned.   Under prosecuting rape could be such a practice. Some may have “learned”  or been told that rape of women is difficult to prove, not that important, and expensive to prosecute and, thus, should not be made a priority.   I and many others would label this is serious sexist behavior.   If, however, someone was systematically justifying or advocating rape or other forms of violence against females many would label that behavior as misogyny or even genocide.   In both cases those in authority have learned to accept oppressive or discriminatory behavior as normal.   It may be that some of us humans never question much of what we have learned because of the moral authority we have given an institution or representative of that institution or it may be that one is fearful of looking at the purpose or etiology of the behavior.  In either case, if one wants to change the thinking and the behavior then one must make it safe to learn the etiology of the thinking and the behavior.   Making it safe to explore the etiology requires that a person have enough self-esteem or self-worth  to be with the potential discomfort of the results of the exploration.   If, again, one uses the example of sexism, the clear etiology is to gain power so as to feel directly or indirectly superior; directly because a male may believe that he has to be more than, better than, or richer than in order to be worthwhile.  Indirectly, the underlying fear is that it is not enough just to be human.  
 
Us humans too often are fearful that we need to prove we are worthwhile by having more toys, a bigger house, a more expensive car, a more important title, or some other way to make us different than and, thus, better than.  Of course, we have to know that eventually we all die and unless we are a pharaoh we cannot take it with us.  We may hope to live on through our children or in the history books.  Some will be written about for many years to come, but there is no guarantee it will be in a positive light. Chances are all will eventually know that we were merely human.
 
If we can correctly identify the cause of oppression and discrimination we will see the wisdom of loving our enemy; of treating frightened people with compassion.  True there are those who will not be able to identify as fearful; those who will use arrogance, self-righteousness, intimidation, bullying, the law or God to avoid facing their own mirror; those whose fear is so deep that the walls will prevent them from receiving love.  Some may need to be restrained but even the restraint must be with love; must be intended to face the wall with the most powerful weapon – love.
 
Emotional or spiritual fear may be the most prevalent and powerful emotion affecting how we relate to ourselves, each other and mother earth.  Love is always the most powerful weapon against fear.
 
Written March 4, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org
 
 

​Sunday musings – March 3, 2019
 
On this Sunday morning  living in the path of the newest proof that winter has not yet completed his visit I am particularly aware of the cycles of life. I am reminded of the Old Testament verses in Ecclesiastes, Chapter 3 which begins “To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:”    I am aware that these thoughts were penned at a time when there were fewer humans and, thus, less opportunity to interact with and impact these various cycles. There were also fewer medication or other medical procedures, fewer ways of sharing food and goods and fewer opportunities to communicate with each other about how to take care of each other.   Despite these changes the seasons of this life journey continue; humans have a very brief time to leave a footprint; a footprint which may have a profound effect on future generations of humans.
 
Yesterday a very diverse group of people gathered in Wheeling, West Virginia to pay tribute to a woman who leaves a significant footprint in the Ohio Valley and far beyond.  Everyone whose life this woman touched could never be quite the same.  Once one experienced her unconditional love and a challenge to be one’s best self, one was also reminded there are only six degrees of separation between every human in the world.    Those who filled the Christ United Methodist Church for the celebration of her life were only a small percentage of those directly impacted by Beatrice Ann Prince Thomas.  There are thousands more who will touch the lives of thousands more who….
 
Again, I feel challenged to consider the footprint I will leave in the circle which will cover the earth.   As I read Ecclesiastes I am not convinced of all that it says. I am not convinced that  there is a time to kill, a time to hate, or a time of war. Hopefully as all of us grow spiritually over generations we are ready to accept the challenge of Jesus and other wise teachers to love our enemies; to embrace each other as the fearful beings that we are.  Perhaps it is the season to take the risk of embracing and not judging each other; to take the risk of living with and not against each other; to take the risk of working with not against the rhythm of the universe.
 
Written March 3, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org

Out of step
 
I have nearly eight decades attempting to stumble on the cadence which will finally allow me to be in step.  When a Midshipman at the U. S. Naval Academy my shoe size was such that the special-order dress shoes for marching were the only ones with leather soles ensuring that my out of stepness was embarrassingly obvious.  I also knew that the slap of the leather was a metaphor for the dance of life which I was unable to adjust to match those around me.  Eventually, I would come to accept that indeed I was queer, way too emotional, a pacifist,  apparently naively believing that the call of that Jesus fellow to love your enemies,  refuse to take back the stolen cloak, do goods to those who hate you,  pray for those who mistreat you, turn the other cheek; that the call was to be taken seriously even though as humans one constantly falls short.
 
I am aware to be in step:
 

• One must not cry in public - for joy, or sadness
• One must be circumspect or reserved in one’s enthusiasm for people, flowers, music, words..
• One must not rage in pubic nor be too happy or friendly or excited or ….
• One must not voice one’s confusion.
• One must not ask uncomfortable questions.
• One must not rage about racism, sexism, homophobia or other ways of discounting the sacredness of all life.
• One must hide one’s passion except when given permission to share it in an adult way

 
Being aware does not equal compliance although for many years I resolved to get in step.  That resolve never seem to last more than five minutes. 
 
Even though out of step there are moments of coming home or being home.  Just this week the character in the play The Gun Show welcomed my out of step, contradictory, confused self; Teju Cole while chatting with Krista Tippett invited me home; moments of reading Stephen Mitchell’s translation of Tao te Ching, absorbing the passion and honesty of The Rev. Bruce Jenneker speaking at Trinity Wall Street on the words of that Jesus fellow as reported by Luke; time with my friends this week – Joel, Bill, Pat and others – all welcomed me home.
 
Perhaps I am destined to be in step to the out of step cadence of all the others who seem constitutionally incapable of being in step. 
 
Today I will join others in celebrating the life of Ann Thomas – another eloquent, beautiful, passionate person who was at home being out of step.
 
Written March 2, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org