​No one path
 
When a particular spiritual path, a religious path, a recovery path, a medical path or a business path works well for an individual I believe that their success needs to be celebrated.  The definition of working well will vary for everyone. Some might define it as being contented, at peace with oneself, ability to put their family as the center of their life, or being able to ensure that a business makes a modest profit.   Some might define it as staying out of jail; others as avoiding what some churches term mortal sins; and still others as being to make his or understanding of patriotism as primary. 
 
A problem occurs when one decides what works for them is the only path to success and their definition of success is the only viable one.  For example, I work for with a number of individuals who have  been kidnapped by addiction which may, in  many cases,  destroys family,  business, finances, health and everything one cares about. Of course, not all addictions are fast acting or destroy all parts of one’s life, but many do.  For a number of reasons,  I  really appreciate the step by step approach of working with a sponsor of the 12-step program created by Dr. Bob and Bill Wilson.  I also like the fact that it is a program designed for addicts helping other addicts.   There is a strong sense of community and fellowship for many who use and participate in this program.   Many of the member also do service work such as visiting inmates in jails and prisons who are struggling with addictions.  Additionally, they sponsor social events and conventions. 
 
Yet, as well as this program works for those who continue to “work it”  it does not work for everyone.   Some choose programs such as smart recovery while others may choose religion or even a more individualized approach.  There is no one size fits all for recovering addicts. 
 
Likewise there is no one religion, philosophy, social-political system, intention community which works for everyone.    
 
Even though I have been working for and with individual and families for nearly 50 years I have no idea what systems of beliefs and practices will work for anyone. I do know that his human has to be very intentional abut all aspects of his health care. I can easily get busy with “life” and soon I notice the symptoms of being off balance.  I have a good support system with whom I share success and stumbles/struggles.  I also read, write daily, attend some 12 step meetings which are open to the public and  meditate.  I also exercise, eat fairly healthy, see the doctor regularly.  I listen to many podcasts as well as Ted Talks. For the most part these practices have become habits and work well for me.   Yet, many very emotionally and spiritually healthy people do few of these pieces of health care in such a compulsive manner and seem to do just fine.
 
It is easy for this human. and I suspect many others, to fall into a pattern of hubris – of arrogance – of thinking that their way is the right way or the only way.  It is easy for any of us to think our concept of something larger than oneself is the one true God or higher power.  It is easy to think our way of maintaining a budget, making a home, or relaxing is ‘the way’ to do that.
 
Yesterday I received a note from a friend who said that after cleaning out a lot of the clutter and negative energy from her home she felt better.  This resonated with me since the status of my home – cleanliness, clutter, etc.  - both reflects my mood and affects my mood.  Yet, one of my longtime friends lived in utter chaos in her home and was one of the best parents and partners I knew.  Her sense of social justice and appreciation for the arts greatly enriched her life, the life of her students and the life of her family.
 
All of us would do well to be mindful of the dangers of assuming our thoughts, ways of self-care, and beliefs are the one way.  Certainly most of us can agree that active addiction to alcohol, other drugs, power, things, money, food or sex will not lead to inner peace or contentment. Yet, we are not able to say what is the one best way for others to achieve inner peace and contentment.   We can only focus on ourselves and what works for us.
 
Written September 17, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org

​Unplug
 
A number of families and individuals I know have routine unplugged times.  Yesterday I went for two bike rides – one for an hour and a half and one for an hour.  During those times I did have my phone with me just in case I had a bike accident and needed to call for help.  I did not, however, keep my phone on or check texts or emails.   All my close friends and clients know that I will respond to phone calls, texts and emails within a 24 hour period of receiving them.  I do, however, schedule time out from checking my devices.
 
A very close friend and colleague and I many years ago decided to make it clear to clients/patients that we do not make emergency medical house calls.  We do not have a traveling emergency room trailer.  If one truly has a medical emergency – including being suicidal or homicidal – one needs to  get to an emergency room.   If one needs to talk just knowing that within the day the health care professional and/or the person who is taking calls for that person will call one back is generally enough to allow a person to hold on until then.  There are, of course, 24 hour emergency help lines available.
 
While we both set some clear boundaries so that we could take care of ourselves and our families, long before the internet or cell phone we gave out our home phone number and were listed in the public telephone books which also listed our address.  (younger readers may not remember telephone books which were  similar to contact apps on smart phones).   The fact that we were so open and available paradoxically seem to result in people calling us less often and respecting the privacy of our homes more than if we had kept them a secret.    We always knew many of our clients/patients were much more creative than us.   Anyone who really wanted to locate one would do so. 
 
Of course, especially with young children, one needs to make sure some responsible adult is available 24 hours a day and that person or persons have access to the parent or parents with legal authority to make medical decisions.  One may want to be very clear about what constitutes an emergency.
 
Ann Lamott in a 2017 Ted Talk entitle “12 Truths I Learned From Life and Writing” says:  “…almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes including you.”
 
Sometimes we need to turn off the mind that  has morphed into a runaway train, get as far away as possible from the phone, computer or any other smart devices (apparently even smart refrigerators can be used to communicate as one creative teenager proved to parents who thought they had her completely unplugged).  As I recently wrote, verbally vomiting on another person seldom (I think never.) has positive results.   We may need to write, paint, play music, dance or sculpt but we do not ever need to  vomit on another person.
 
My brain (along with the rest of my body) needs time out to refuel and to dispose of waste material.  I like to think of the brain having its own kidney which, if we allow it the space and time, will dispose of all the garbage of anger, resentment, blaming, and comparisons of insides with outsides.
 
I love people. I consider myself a people person. Yet, there are times when I simple do not do humans.  While having breakfast in a hospital cafeteria when I was committing a long distance to work I would respectfully announce to those wanting to join me that  “ I will not be doing humans for another hour or so.”  
 
As Ann Lamott and many other remind us, all truth is a paradox.  We will all be kinder, more loving people if we regularly unplug for a day, a weekend or even during a vacation.
 
Written September 16, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org

​Sunday Musings – September 15, 2019
 
I have been thinking a lot about the fact we are the ancestors of tomorrow,  We are building the legacy which our children and our grandchildren will inherit. Often it seems as if we are leaving a legacy of shaming and blaming rather than one of how-to problem solve.   For example, just this morning I read an editorial reprimanding parents for not getting children in West Virginia to school on time. Of course, not all children get to school late.  Some homes have parents whose jobs or combined family income allow them to be at home in the morning to help children get ready for school, feed them a healthy breakfast, make sure they have their homework which they the parents helped them get done by helping them with time management.   Children need a lot of guidance from parents and parent helpers.   If we as neighbors, aunts, uncles, grandparents and others are not there to help many children are left on their own to accomplish tasks that there brain and overall development are not yet able to consistently accomplish.  It may seem as if some children such as the Sonia Sotomayor may have been able to be enormously responsible -  little adults – by the age of 8 but I suspect that there were some adults in her life who did share some of the parenting responsibilities while her mother worked and dad struggled with the chronic illness of addiction.
 
It is, of course, easy to criticize based on symptoms.   It is easy to echo an old saying which I recall some of my ancestors repeating ad nosism, “You made your bed. Now lie in it.”  When we say this we are acting as if we live in a community where  some of us always make perfect decisions and all the blessings in our life were earned because of our hard work and very fine brains which we and we alone  created with our own hands.  If we  had the good fortune to learn time managements skills, have the brain and other resources to get a Harvard education and obtain a job which earns $200,000.00 a year which then allows us to have a stay at home parent with our children or to  hire other help, have time and energy to help children with their homework, feed them a Whole Foods nutritious diet, take them to an expensive gym with us every day if they are not getting exercise in some sports program at school, and provide other luxuries we are exceptionally blessed but not deserving  of hubris.   We have not walked in the shoes of those struggling with chronic illness, the inability to earn a living wage (much higher than the minimum wage), having to live in housing with others who are struggling and whose “dis eases”  are lived  on top of each other rather than separated by neatly manicured lawns. 
 
Those of us with the luxury of time and energy to stand back and observe; to do more than survive from moment to moment, may think about the legacy we want to leave. We may want to think whether the legacy we are leaving is one of humility and problem solving or arrogant judging.      It is easy to look at symptoms and assign blame.  It takes more compassion, energy, patience and creativity to identify underlying issues and to gather as a community to problem solve.
 
It has been said over and over by many individuals that it takes a village to raise children.  Many of us do not live in villages.  We often live in a very isolated boxes which may be stacked on top of each other.
 
Today, as a future ancestor I need to ask myself what more I can do to be a part of the solution.  How can I live in a way which honors that I am part of a village?  How can I use the blessings I have been given to help those neighbors who are struggling?  Perhaps if  am paying attention there are daily opportunities which hubris will frequently miss,.
 
Written September 15, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org

​Opening the doors
 
Early this morning I listened to the On Being podcast with host Krista Tippett and her conversation guest, the journalist Ta-Nehisi Coates  The topic was “Imagining a New America”.    As is almost always the case  what I most appreciate about Ms. Tippett  and her guests is that they ask the tough questions.   They do not provide a venue for answers or pretend that there are simple answers to very complex issues.   A little later I opened my email to find a note from a friend who shared the fact that last evening he helped  one of his children with a homework assignment to write an essay on racism.  The whole family got involved in a discussion on racism.  He said “Everyone grew last night.”  This brought hope to my heart and tears to my eyes.
 
I have been at a conference all week for training of those of us who work with individuals and families struggling with addictions.   One of the sessions I attended yesterday was on “Sex, social media addiction among other addictions and the use of spirituality as prevention and intervention for pathway to recovery.”  As I said to the person leading the session, Dr. Jamie Williams, it seems to me the most valuable aspect of the workshop was the fact that a safe place was created to begin a discussion of struggles related to sexual behavior, needs, and addiction.  Sexual behavior is often one of those elephants in the room, even among health care professionals as well as those in recovery from addictions.   If we are not finding the way to open doors to discussing how we live as sexual beings, our patients and clients certainly are not going to.  I was also appreciative that Dr. Williams used language which was inclusive of the LGBT community.  
 
During this conference, there were not any workshops or discussion groups which directly addressed this needs of LGBT individuals despite the fact that homophobia is, in my experience, a daily issue in treatment settings.  Sexism and racism are also daily issues in treatment settings.   If we are not addressing ongoing racism, homophobia, sexism, and discrimination against those living with sexual  addictions then we are not doing our job.    
 
I have to take responsibility for not volunteering to do a workshop on sexual addiction or LGBT issues.   I also did not assume any leadership responsibility for asking an African American to challenge us, mostly white people, to address the issues of racism and how that continuing history impacts the lives of African Americans  living with addiction.   
 
The workshop led by Dr. Williams was well attended attesting to the fact that health care professional are willing to learn to move past their discomfort or lack of practice in addressing sexual issues with clients.
 
When we do not assume leadership for asking the tough questions which deeply affect the lives of all living in the United States, we become complicit in the pain which is caused by behavior associated with the constructs of race, gender, sexual orientation, different ableness and age in our country. 
 
As health care professionals, teachers, parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents and neighbors we must open the doors to the questions which matter.  If we open the doors in an honest, loving, non-punitive manner children and adults can and will learn that is safe and necessary to address tough, lifesaving issues.
 
Written September 13, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org 

​Attending to that wise inner voice
 
 
I am not sure that the muse ever refuses to visit. I do know that there are times when I have thoughts  which I am hesitant to put in a blog. These thoughts if published on Facebook and my web page would serve only to be experienced as offensive or mean spirited.   I also know that such thoughts block the creative process or any positive thoughts or feelings.  Yet, I know until I write down these most unattractive thoughts and feelings the creative and positive thoughts will be under lock and key in my brain.  Telling myself to just let go of the unkind and unattractive thoughts will result in them spilling out of my fingers onto the page on which I am writing or, worse, they will tumble out my mouth in a trajectory destined to cover the nearest person(s) or Facebook post. Then I will feel extreme remorse and immediately shop for a pilot who will drop me on a remote island where there are not even animals for me to abuse.  Obviously my sins render me unworthy of respect, love or any contact with other living beings. 
 
Another options is to allow myself to verbally vomit on the page via my pen or via the keys on the computer.   Others will find they can vomit via the  painting tools such as the brush or the scalpel  or through a musical instrument.  Still others will find themselves choregraphing a dark dance.    At times some of these vomit creations will become great works of art.  My vomit writing has yet to come close to earning even an honorable mention in a writing contest.  As soon as these thoughts have dumped on the page I will send them to the trash bin on the computer or if on paper to the shredder.   Now I have access to more positive, creative thoughts.  
 
Many of us do not give ourselves permission to vomit in private or to share with a trusted friend who will just patiently read or listen until we are done. There is no need for a response.  As soon as I announce that it is verbal vomit then the person knows the only thing I need is someone to bear witness to the ugliness which is covering up some old hurt, fear or other emotion.  
 
I was just listening to edition of Hidden Brain during which the host, Shankar Vedantam has a conversation with a young man, William, whose dream was realized when he was accepted to Harvard.  Prior to starting there he posted some things on line in a group chat with others who had been accepted to Harvard.  In his eagerness to be accepted by his new classmates he posted some things in this chat room which Harvard officials decided disqualified him  and the others for admittance to Harvard.  To his credit, although initially devastated, he used this as a learning experience to pay attention to that inner voice which says something is not right.  A part of him knew he was crossing a line just before he posted potentially offensive and hurtful posts. He did eventually get accepted to another college and is excelling.
 
I suspect most, if not all of us, have this inner voice which tells us not to vomit on someone, not to post that potentially offensive and/or hurtful material on social media or not to send that vomit letter to someone.   
 
The lesson is to honor the feelings or thoughts one has but to not treat them as truth; to resist the temptation to share or dump them on others. This also applies to potentially offensive “jokes” which may be intended as irony or a parody but which may cross a line from which there is no retreating.   If we have any doubt about what that inner voice is sharing we need to refrain from taking action and talk to a trusted friend to whom we have given permission to be honest with us.
 
Written September 12, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 
 

​Getting unstuck
 
I suspect  all of us, at times in our lives, have said or done something, realized that we did not even mean what we said  or did and, yet, “find ourselves” defending what we said or did.  This can happen in a work situation, home, in a business transaction or with a friend.  Our brain seems to get in the stuck mode repeating and even aggravating what we have said or done.  It may even be obvious to others what is happening. We know it is obvious and yet we continue to justify what we are saying or doing.   The seemingly simple solution would be to stop, take a breath, and admit that our brain has temporarily been hijacked by stupidity or the evil twin who lives in our body.  We certainly did not willingly put ourselves in our position.  After all, we are educated, allegedly intelligent individuals.  We are also on a spiritual journey and this behavior is contrary to our spiritual goals and intentions.  
 
It does not seem to matter whether he have a senior position in a company or even head of a government body.  We all get stuck.  One hopes that as one matures and grows spiritually this happens to one less often and when it does one immediately apologizes and does not offer any excuse.   Yet, this is  seeming very difficult for most of us.
 
I am not a person who thinks that there is any benefit to shaming self or others. I do think there is a great benefit to being accountable for our actions/publicly acknowledging one’s humanness.   The benefit is two folds.  If one is the person who is “stuck” there is a great sense of relief  when one simply admits one did not mean what one said or did and, if needed or possible, makes amends. I have a clear memory of telling a very deliberate and stupid lie at age 4 or 5 and feeling very sad and sorry.  I had blamed a friend for something and because his race was different than mine I knew my mother would believe me.  One might ask how I knew at that young age to use racism with my mother.  I am not sure. I just know that memory is very clear.  I have many other memories of saying or doing something that did not fool anyone, least of all me and, yet, getting “struck” defending what I had said or did.   The second reason for “fessing up/being accountable” is so that the person or persons with whom one has had this “stupid attack” is not so confused and disoriented attempting to make sense out of this interaction.   I often call it crazy making.  I am sure all of us have been on the receiving end of “crazy making” words or other behavior.   I am not using the term “crazy making” clinically. 
 
My Buddhist teacher would suggest that when one notices that one has just said or done something which is inconsistent with one’s core values the goal is to simply notice without labeling one’s action as bad or stupid.  If one does not assign a negative label it is a simple matter to apologize and/or correct oneself without any need to explain one’s behavior.  One simply had this human moment.   Do not call the psychiatrist, counselor or spiritual director.  Do not put on sackcloth and ashes. 
 
It is fascinating to me that every wise teacher reminds all of us that a significant sign of spiritual growth is accepting  that it is okay to be human. Paradoxically there is direct positive correlation between accepting one’s humanness and treating others with unconditional love and respect. One no longer has a need to prove that one is better than, smarter than, or wiser than.  We all have much that is positive to offer each other and we have our human moments which fall a bit short of being our best.   A very young child does who has not been abused does not spend a lot of energy chastising oneself every time they make a mistake. They simply move on with their exploration of themselves and their world.  Perhaps, once again, the young child is our best teacher.
 
Written September 10, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 

​ 
Love of Stranger
I am indebted to the Reverend Elizabeth Blunt of Trinity Church Wall Street for her reminder that the Greek term hospitality is a combination of two concepts:  Philae meaning brotherly love and Xenos meaning stranger or immigrant.  Thus xenophobia is the fear of strangers/immigrants.
I seem to recall  many wise people over the years reminding me that a stranger is merely that brother, sister, lover, colleague, son, daughter whom I have yet to meet and get to know.   The term immigrant also does not tell me much except he or she too is that person who potentially will be the source of many blessings in my life.  I can well imagine a fearful person reading this and suggesting that the stranger or the immigrant might also be that person who brings harm to one. Yet statistically, we know that we family violence in the United States accounts for minimum of 10% of all violent crimes. (US Department of Justice).   We also know that a large percentage of incidences of sexual violence is by a family member.  Additionally it is common knowledge that all family members, including myself and the reader, are vulnerable to mental illness and other brain diseases which could result in not being able to make rational decisions not to hurt a family member or another person.     The argument that strangers and immigrants are more likely to cause one harm cannot be scientifically prover.  It is true, of course, that in a combat situation, prison or a in a place where individual are in a drug induced states the potential of violence is high. In general, immigrants to the United States are less likely to commit any type of crime. (factcheck.org)
Common sense tells us that the label of stranger applies equally to us as it does to that person who we might label a stranger.   Common sense also tells one that social constructs such as race or other labels such as gender, nationality, religion or ableness does not tell us anything important about another person.  Certainly, title or social status does not tell us who would come to comfort us in the middle of the night or come to help us following a trauma such as the recent devastating hurricane in the Bahamas.  We never know who will extend a helping hand following a flat tire, a lost or stolen wallet or the sudden death of a child following a drug overdose.
Jesus and other wise people  remind us that the first shall be last and the last shall be first; that every time we reject the opportunity to welcome the stranger to the table that we run the risk of rejecting that person who will truly be able to be that brother, sister, mother, father that we  all need. Of course we also run the risk of not being our brother’s (or sister’s) keeper – that which gives a sense of purpose and connection.
I recall when my wife, son and I arrived in Hoonah, Alaska far from any relatives. David and Minnie welcome us and said “We will be the grandparents to your son”.  David said to me. “I will teach you to be a man.”  David knew that at age 32 I could know nothing about being a man.
We were the stranger just as they were the strangers.  Yes, we opened our hearts and minds and were richly rewarded.  I am confident that this has been my experience at least 95% of the time.   Welcoming the stranger/immigrant is not only the right thing to do. It is the selfish thing to do.
Written September 9, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 

​Sunday Musings – September 8, 2019
Friendship
 
One of the blogs which I regularly find in my in box and for which I am very grateful is Maria Popva’s ‘Brain Pickings’.     If not careful I could give into the temptation to compare our blogs. Hers seems more in depth and eloquently written.  Then I remind myself they are two different blogs and both valuable.  Often I open the ‘Brain Pickings’ email and find she and I are writing about the same subject.  On this Sunday we were both addressing the nature of friendship.  
 
As I contemplate the week just ending and the week beginning I am acutely aware of the joys and responsibilities of friendship.  I am not inclined to think of the use of the term friend on Facebook as a legitimate use of the term.  Some of one’s connections on Facebook might indeed be friendships but many are distant acquaintances.   Some not even that.  
 
When I think of friendships I think of  a strong commitment to another person – to be there for and with each other in times of joy and in times of sorrow; to be ready to drop all else and be by the side of that friend just because one loves that person.  In my mind friendships survive differences of opinion,  moments of spoken words best left unsaid but which seem to pour out of one’s mouth without any direction or sage advice from one’s brain and other instances of the messiness of one’s humanness.
 
I recall a 1985 movie “Kiss of the Spider Woman” in which Valentin played by John Hurt befriends Molina played by Raul Julia his cellmate with whom, on the surface, he seems to have little in common.  When this Molina is poisoned and is too weak to clean himself from the diarrhea Valentin lovingly cleans him up.  The Molin asks if it does not disgust him to do this and Valentin replies something to the effect of “No of course not. This is what we must do for each other.”
 
Recently a friend of mine dropped everything and went to sit with her mother’s in law during her last days. Although her mother in law was not always able, especially in the past decade to be a good friend my friend accepted her as she was and lovingly visited and took care of the details of her care. . Following her death she arranged a lovely funeral and luncheon.   This friend of mine never lets go of a friendship without using every tool in her toolbox to repair any rift or to overlook the most egregious of deeds.   Rarely does she sadly and prayerfully let go of a friendship  and only then because the other person rejects or dumps it first.
 
Some friendships are romantic in nature and may result in marriage.  Most are not.  One hopes, of course  that marriage relationships are first and foremost a friendship.    
 
In many cases, and seemingly, in the toxic political atmosphere in the world today friendships do not survive passionate differences in opinion.  I find this very sad with long lasting negative consequences.  We must find a way to agree to disagree; humbly accept that one does not have to be right and in fact,  the concept of “right” is a very slippery slope.     If one needs to be right there is no room for learning.  If there is no room for learning there is no room for growth or creative problem solving. If there is no room for problem solving there is no room for friendship.  If there is no room for friendship there is no room for community.  If there is no room for community there is room for an experience of the whole which some call the higher power.  If there is no room for the whole there is no order or purpose in this life journey.  If there is no room for order or purpose there is no room for moral or ethical rules.  If there is no room for moral or ethical rules there is no love. If there is no love there is only the darkness of the abyss.
 
Perhaps we need to revive the  concept of friendship as a sacred guiding principle of this life journey.
 
Written September 8, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Life on life’s  terms
 
One might think that by the time one is approaching the 8th decade of one’s life that one would have had thousands, if not billions, of opportunities to practice acceptance of life on life’s terms. After all, it is patently obvious that no matter what one does or does not do, other people have their own issues  and lives, mother nature shows up (often with little warning), us humans get sick and at some point will die, our children have their own journey and decisions, and most people do not acknowledge that one is the center of the universe.  Just this morning I arose even earlier than usual to drive 35 miles for scheduled appointment to get a trailer hitch installed for my bike rack. Traffic was not as heavy as I expected and a I arrived even 20 minutes prior to their 7 a.m. opening.  When they did opened I was informed the hitch had not arrived.  The clerk insisted he had left me a message and he indeed might have left someone a message but not on my phone. I came home and started cleaning. While cleaning I noticed toilet paper holder was coming off the wall. I had to locate that tiny Allen wrench needed to remove the holder and reattach it.  A friend just emailed me that something she had written had suddenly disappeared from the computer and she was having a difficult time calling up the wording she had originally used.  She has a very busy day.  In fact she has had a very busy week sitting with mother-in-law while she lived her last days.  She then she took care of all the details for the funeral and closed out social security and all the other connections her mother-in-law had.  She had not planned in her busy schedule to do any of that this past week, but, of course, her values dictated she change her plans.  
 
In the  immediate city in which I live, the state, nation, and the universe mother nature  and humans have been  leaving the effects of their actions for the rest of us to face and live with.
 
Of course, I could fill pages and pages of positive and negative events which have happened just the last few days.    I am sure all of us could do that on any given day. Yet, it seems we often act as if change or events we could not foresee are a huge surprise and too much for us to handle.  We may even tell ourselves we are fragile and cannot handle life on life’s terms.  Some of us may  attempt to numb ourselves with alcohol, drugs, sex, food, shopping, work or money.  We may attempt to insist that others are responsible for our health and need to center their life around our needs. If a particular person or set of persons do not do this well we may trade them it for another person or group.   We may do this over and over again with the same negative results.
 
Some of the truths we would be wise to face are:
 

• We are almost always much stronger and more resilient than we feel.
• Nothing outside of ourselves will give us the contentment we seek.  We are responsible for making peace with ourselves; for filling that void.
• We do need and can have a support system who can walk the walk with us.
• We can be present with life on life’s terms without a lot of drama.
• Life shows up and moves on with or without us. 
• Over the long term, it seems as if all things do work together for good.

 
Written November 6, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org

​The angst of getting healthy
 
I was talking to a friend this morning who has now been on a journey of growing emotionally and spiritually for some time.  For too many years it seemed normal when  addiction kidnapped his mind and his body.    Self-defeating and destructive behavior were his default and, even if uncomfortable, he believed he just had to live with such discomfort.   Now that he is no longer in active addiction and has been intentional about identifying his core values and the direction he wants his life to take,  when he engages in self-defeating and destructive behavior he is very uncomfortable.     In fact, sometimes he feels so uncomfortable he questions his mental health. He may even call the hot line at the Veterans Administration hospital.  His body tells him that something is terribly wrong. He may have symptoms of anxiety, panic attacks or clinical depression  as well as many physical symptoms which indicates one’s system is off center/very unhappy!   This is good news.   He is no longer able to be self-destructive and lie to himself.  His body sounds a loud alarm.    Sadly, many of my colleagues might diagnose him with a mental illness.  A psychiatrist or even a family doctor might, upon the recommendation of a counselor, psychologist, or psychiatric social worker, prescribe one, two or even three medications for his mental illness.    When he called me I suggested that it was wonderful he was feeling so physically and mentally lousy.    The symptoms he is experiencing are a sign of his health and not of his sickness.    
 
The more spiritually and emotionally healthy one is the less able one is able to deviate from healthy habits which are aligned with one’s core values.   Part of emotional and spiritual health is the increasingly inability to lie to oneself.  Every program of healing and growth including the 12-step program originally created by Bill Wilson and  Dr. Bob involves a commitment to oneself to honesty, open mindedness and willingness.   The healthier one is the less able one is to lie to oneself; the less able one is to hold on to the delusion that truth about oneself and the world will fit into neat little boxes and the more willing one has to be to move beyond one’s comfort zone.  Once one reaches this level of spiritual growth this is no going back to the limited concept of self which one had attempted to pass off as the authentic self.  Every time one attempts to do this one experiences what I call the angst of getting healthy.  
 
Sometimes I use the analogy of a very carefully built, expensive car or other machine.  That car or other machine is capable of amazing performance but it does not take much for one of its parts to be even slightly off.   This affects all aspects of the performance of the automobile or other machine.  The same thing happen with us humans.  The healthier one become the easier one gets off center and feels very uncomfortable mentally/emotionally and/or physically.  It is as if the body’s early warning system has just been cleaned and retooled so that it is in prime condition.   If one deviates from a healthy nutritional plan, quits exercising, drinks too much caffeine or alcohol, or engages in other unhealthy behavior the early warning system of the body sounds an alarm.  It is similar to the very sensitive smoke alarm I have in my kitchen.   The least little bit of smoke or overheating of something instantly triggers this very loud and incessant alarm.  Sometimes it is aggravating and I consider moving it so that is not so easily set off, but then I always decide that I appreciate it being so sensitive. 
 
Making a decision to embark on a journey of emotional, spiritual, and physical health is a laudable goal.  One does, however, have to be prepared to be the owner of a very finely tuned body which will not allow for much deviation from healthy habits in all areas of one’s life.
 
Written September 5, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org