The gift of anxiety

Often when we are attempting to learn a new skill, about to take an important exam, or venturing into uncharted territory we may get tense and even get a bit worried.  We may describe our emotional state as anxious, but if we are used to putting ourselves in challenging situations we know that we will be fine; that we achieve our goal or identify those things or skills we still need to learn.  In these situations, anxiety is an asset in that it reminds us to attempt to do or be our best.   

Some of us have another experience with what we term as anxiety.  This is a chronic feeling of fear.   The anxiety might tell one that it is dangerous to venture outside of one’s normal routine.  It might say one cannot leave one’s  house or one can only leave and to go a few places within a certain radius.  It might also tell one that one cannot have healthy relationships outside the immediate family or even that one cannot have healthy relationship within the family.  At times, if we tempt anxiety by going outside of the prescribed circle it might erupt into an immobilizing panic attack during which breathing is difficult or feels impossible.   One may even feel that one is going die if one does not quickly get back to a “safe” area.   This is a terrible feeling.  It is understandable why one would “listen” to the anxiety and  as quickly as possible return to one’s safe or comfortable zone.   The problem, of course, is that every time one allows this feeling to dictate one’s behavior one is feeding or reinforcing the lie that one cannot tolerate the discomfort.   This message might then get generalized to all discomfort.   One of the confusing aspects of this sort of generalized anxiety is that it is not logical.   Obviously many other, even less competent people, engage in many behaviora with no dire consequences. It is also not logical that the anxiety may keep one out of a nearby venue but not keep one from comfortably traveling across the country.

Whatever sets off the initial anxiety is not important. Clearly, there are children who seem fearless from a very early age and those children who never or seldom feel completely safe. What is important is learning to use what some call evidence-based criteria to respond to the anxiety.   If one, step by step, refuses to give in to the anxiety - to endure the often acute discomfort until one can breathe normally, it will weaken the anxiety.  One can certainly create a behavior modification program to systematic desensitize one to the anxiety triggers. In other words, one can stop reinforcing the chronic, generalized anxiety.  One does this by intentionally developing a  different relationship with the messages of the anxiety.  If the anxiety says, for example, that such and such place is dangerous then one learns to step into the observer role and correct that lie.  If there is no evidence that such and such is dangerous than one gives oneself that message.  Eventually the anxiety becomes diluted.   One may  never become that fearless person who is afraid of nothing, but one can greatly expand one’s world.

One has to be clear that one has anxiety, but one is not one’s anxiety or one’s fear.    One may need to start changing that relationship by taking very small steps into the discomfort. If one is consistent in defying the lies of the generalized anxiety it will have less and less power.

Written September 15, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org

Sunday Musings - September 13, 2020
Not in a vacuum

On the surface it was a very routine week here on Mother Earth.   New life appeared in many forms.  Human babies were born alongside many other forms of life.    There was also death and slowly or quickly the life that was will become part of creation in another form.  The planet itself continuously dies and is reborn.   .

This week I was again reminded of how difficult it is for many of us to accept the interconnectedness of all that happens.   I suppose there is some temporary comfort in thinking that X caused Y which then justified action Z.  For example 19 years ago this week  - 9/11 - the World Trade Center and the Pentagon were attacked killing many.  There was also another plane which was intended to hit other targets but was prevented from doing so.  The official response which was shared by many to these terrible and cruel events was that the attacks were completely unprovoked; that the United States had never done anything to dishonor or displease another group of people.  In other words we were the victims and those responsible for the tragic bombings were the cruel, even evil, bad people.  We continue to hold on to those beliefs and, in fact, to justify holding people in a “detention camp” without a trial. We spend millions of dollars annually to hold on to the myth that we are the justified victims.  

We, as a nation,  continue in many parts of the world to present ourselves as moral, compassionate and justified in our record of violent mistreatment of others in this country and in many other countries.   We also continue to tell ourselves that we are more deserving of the resources of the planet than are others.   If another group or country dares to criticize us or hold us accountable, we assure the world that have done nothing to deserve that criticism.

Many of us may “find ourselves” behaving the same in our personal life. We believe we never do anything which leads to unkind or even immoral behavior on the part of others.    When others mistreat us it is because they are bad people and we are the good people.   Our anger and even our verbal or physical violence is justified because we did nothing to deserve being treated badly.

In my value system bad behavior is always the result of underlying pain which the person has suffered.  The pain may be related to the fear that they are not valued by specific people or the community in general.    This may be true but the unkind or even cruel behavior was undoubtedly related to some fear or pain.  If, for example, all of us could truly accept that all of creation is equally deserving of love, respect and of sharing the resources there would not be anyone to blame for acts of Mother Nature or accidents.  No one would expect life to be fair in the sense that only certain people had accidents or were subject to fires, earthquakes, floods and other destructive forces.   At the same time there would be no reason for anyone to profit at the expense of another.    

It is true that life is unfair. It is true that often, it seems, the minds of us humans take a brief or long term vacation.  It is true that mental illness and other illness steals the “rational” thought and thus behavior of many of us.  It is it true that every action or inaction (also action) has far reaching consequences.  It is true that no one caused the perpetrator of the 9/11 attacks to act as they did. It is also true that we, the United States, have a long history of thinking we know best and we deserve an unequal share of resource; that we are superior. it is true that there was a long history leading up to 9/11.    It is also true that there was a long history to the heroic and compassionate actions of the first responders to the events of 9/11.  I  am not suggesting that it is ever helpful to blame or to rank order “sins” of individuals or collectives.   I am not suggesting that 9/11 can be or should be justified.  I am suggesting that whether it is my behavior or the behavior of another person or group that I accept no event happens in a vacuum.  If we continue to respond as if there we can simply label others as bad and punish them we will continue to perpetuate the cycle of events.  If we respond to underlying pain with compassion instead of anger we can do our part  in reducing the cycle of pain.


Written September 13, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org

Failure of psychotherapy/counseling

One of the questions frequently asked of the psychotherapist by a family member is, “What in the world were you doing in therapy with my loved one?  They are getting worse and not better.”   Even more troubling is when the questions is directed at the therapist following the death of the loved one via suicide, drug overdose or accident fueled by alcohol or some other drug.  One may have heard rumors or “intuitively knew”  the client was withholding information or lying because he or she felt unable to deal with the consequence of revealing the truth.    The truth might result in one committing someone to the psychiatric unit of the hospital,  initiating the removal of a minor child from the home or some other action with profound long-term results.   

The goal of the psychotherapist is to make it as safe as possible for the client or patient to be open with the truth so that he or she might receive some help.   Yet, the client or patient knows there are times when the treating therapist must supersede the needs of the client to protect the life of the client,  a child or another person.  Occasionally the action one must take is very clear.   If one has credible reason to believe that a child is being abused, might be abused or if one has a credible reason to think another person is about to be harmed one is legally required to report these facts to the responsible parties.   This may result in a child being removed from the home or a client being ordered to stay away from his partner and children or the state assuming custody of the child. Once custody is turned over to the state it could take months or even years for the parent or parents to regain custody.  The child might be placed in a home which is loving and safe or there are times when the child is  placed in a home where the primary objective is to collect the relatively small amount of state money to care for the child.  The child might be placed in a home where he and she is treated well and where the temporary parent, if possible, ensures the biological parent or parents have an opportunity to regularly spend time with the children. 

The most typical case I, as a psychotherapist, encounter is one in which the safety of the child is questionable.  One may know that the parent or parents love the child unconditionally and, yet, one also strongly suspects that the parent or parents may not be well enough to keep the child from danger. 

If the child is removed from the home the parent may use more drugs or commit suicide.  The care of the child they love may be the last thread to which the parent is holding on to.  When that is gone the reason for living in gone.   The parent from whom the child is removed may “go over the edge” and may become violent. 

Although there are clear rules and laws, one often needs to enlist the collective wisdom of colleagues to come to the best possible decision; one which is likely to result in the least possible harm.

The easiest way to make a decision is to very dispassionately follow the letter of the law as one understands it.    The situation is then very cut and dry.  I would maintain that may result in a decision which is unethical or immoral.    It is my contention that one’s duties to one’s fellow human being is to consider the intent of the law rather than the letter of the law.  If the intent is to protect the long terms needs of all affected  than one must consider what is the kindest, most loving and safest action possible to all involved.  One cannot or should not make these decisions alone.   One must consult with trusted colleagues, family members (if there healthy ones who are willing to be involved) and perhaps others who are close to the situation and genuinely care about all the parties.

My experience in life in general and not just in my professional role is that life and life decisions are often very messy.  There are no simple or easy answers when dealing with human beings.  If one is not struggling/agonizing a lot of the time,  as a friend, neighbor, parent, or professional one is probably not serving oneself or the “village” as well as one could or needs to.  One the other hand, if one is can only be okay if one makes the perfect or right decision one will be so stressed that one will not be a help to anyone.  On must constantly attempt to balance these two.

Written September 12, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org

​Teaching vs punishment
 
I  am not surprised that many of the children attending college are having a difficult time taking the dangers of covid-19 seriously.   This is the same group that overdrinks, has risky sex, often put off doing assignment until the last minute and  knows that they are invincible.  We live in a time in history which has  allowed many of we parents to keep her children from having to face many of adult challenges until they are through college and graduate school.   Of course, this is not true for all children, but certainly is true for many of those who are fortunate enough to be in college.
 
I do, however, expect or at least hope  we adults can be more accountable for our actions  and take responsibility for our ongoing teaching role with these older children. 
 
Recently in our local newspaper there was an editorial espousing punishment for those college students who are acting invincible and putting themselves and others at risk.  Recommendations included expelling them from college and even possibly putting them in jail. He quoted the Dean of Students of West Virginia University as saying those who disregarded recommendations and risked the health of themselves and others “Their flagrant disregard for the health and safety of their classmates, our campus and the entire Morgantown community will not be tolerated.”  (quoted in an editorial in The Intelligence-Wheeling New Register,Septemver 9, 2020)
 
I agree that their youthful inability to consider how their behavior affects others needs to be lovingly addressed.   West Virginia University is, after all, a teaching institution.  I would hope that the staff of  all  universities and colleges know their  job to help educate students in learning those skills in which will  help to ensure that they will do their job in creating a compassionate and just society.   I am sure they are teaching students  problem solving involves accurate diagnosis and effective, science driven solutions and not emotional responses which  merely address symptoms.
 
I suggest that all of us, but especially those who purport to be educators,  focus on teaching our young people that all of our decisions  affects a great number of people.   We know punishment will not lead to long term changes in thinking and behavior.   I believe we can  provide students the opportunity to care for those who have suffered because of the lack of awareness or lack of playing the tape through to consider how one seemingly personal behavior affects a great number of people.     If our educational institutions do not believe in the value or possibility of education I suggest they  permanently close their doors.
 
Written September 10, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Changing habits


Social scientists and most parents are well versed in the art of intermittent reinforcement. Many of us continue to practice this behavior when we are attempting to change habits.    

Those of us who are parents will immediately identify with the most common example of intermittent reinforcement.  We are working parents and tired when we get home from work.  Our child ask for something which we know is unhealthy for them.   It may be a simple request such as watching televisions or playing a video game for another hour.   We are determined to be a good parent and we say no 34 times.  The 35th time our child asks as we are attempting to prepare a healthy, appetizing meal in 30 minutes or less and we say, “Okay. Just leave me alone for 5 minutes.”   The next time this happens we are really determined and say not for 131 times.  The 131st time we again have had it and give in.  The next time we hold out for 254 times and give in on the 255th time.   Obviously what we have taught the child is persistence pays off.  

It is understandable that we practice the same intermittent reinforcement when we are attempting to change our own behavior.  Whether we are changing our nutritional habits, attempting to start an exercise program, stopping smoking, cutting back on sweets, or attempting to end a toxic relationship we say no  for x amount of times and then when the discomfort or tiredness sets in we say yes to the old behavior.   The next time we are more determined and  refrain from the old behavior for even longer and then, once again, give in to the discomfort. 

The 12 step programs such as AA, NA, MA, OA, SA and SAA strongly recommend that one focus on not engaging in the unhealthy behavior or 5 minutes or “just for today”.    They also recommend that if one has the urge to engage in the unhealthy behavior that one call one’s sponsor, get to a meeting or write.    If one does not engage in replacement behavior one will “find oneself” returning to the unhealthy behavior.   Of course, there is always that person who is new in recovery and who is determined to design their own program rather than following the advice of those who have been successful in their recovery program.    They may decide that they will not engage in the unhealthy behavior for 29 days.  Not surprising  on the 30th day or the 31st day they resume the old behavior.  They then verbally chastise themselves which make them feel even worse. This discomfort provides an opening for the unhealthy behavior to sneak in again.   The next time the person decides to refrain from the unhealthy behavior for 60 days and then reward themselves with the old behavior.  

It is not surprising that intermittently reinforced behavior is the toughest to extinguish.   if we truly want to change a behavior for ourselves or help someone else change it is very important to follow simple guidelines:

•   Do not set time limited goals past today.
•   Try “Just for today.” or “Just for the next five minutes.”
•   Engage every time in an alternative healthy behavior and not on the discomfort of not engaging in the old behavior.
•   Do not fuss or scold oneself for having difficulty in changing unhealthy habits.  Just notice and focus on the plan to change.
•   Be consistent.   If one needs help or support again ask for it every time one needs it.   If one is reaching out to another person, make sure that one has lined up more than one person.
•   Do not put oneself around people, places or things which are going to tempt or trigger one to engage in the unhealthy behavior.
•   Recognizing that relapse or repeating the old behavior is normal when attempting to change is important.  On the other hand, do not fall into the trap of using this as a reason for repeating the behavior one says one wants to change.
•   Lovingly notice and correct the messages one gives oneself, i.e. “I cannot stand this discomfort.  I am weak.  I am fragile. I cannot change.   One more drink, doughnut, unhealthy sexual encounter, drug will not matter.  I will change tomorrow (tomorrow never arrives).
•   Laugh often - not at self but with self.  
•   Clearly identify and access the “I” who wants to change. The “I” is not the unhealthy behavior or one’s comfort zone.  It is the observer part of one - the core part of one - who sincerely wants to change one’s behavior.
•   Do not give up.  Notice the weak areas of one’s program and tweak it. Change is doable!

Written September 8, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org




 

The role of police?

In the United States there has long been concern about the role of police in creating a safe, economically vibrant welcoming community.  In recent months there has been calls to dissolve the police as it currently functions and to reevaluate its role.     Is the role “merely” as some would maintain “protecting its citizens from criminal activities.” ?  In fact, one council person in my adopted city of Wheeling, WV suggested that was the sole role of the city although I suspect he did not mean to imply that the city should eliminate road/street maintenance, water, garbage and waste disposal, or facilitating the economic and cultural life and growth. 

Over the years the role of the police has grown to include responding to domestic disputes, mental illness and a variety of other social service jobs for which others are better qualified.  They have also become professional forces who numbers include those who see themselves separate from others in the community; an us and then division and the protector of status quo.  

Within these parameters the shoot to kill mentality has been normalized.  The person who is perceived as potentially committing an illegal act is seen as an enemy and not as “family members” who may be struggling.   We citizens have often, it seems, mandated that the police react to symptoms and not the underlying problems.   In many cities across the nation and even here in Wheeling, West Virginia many in the community are reevaluating the role we, as a community, have foisted on the police force.  I deliberately word it that way because this is not a police issue but a community issue.  It is long past time that we quit blaming the police and take responsibility for the often-contradictory directives we have given them.

If we perceive the job of the police or even the city government of protecting its citizens from criminal activity then we can expect the same “criminal activity” to continue and even increase.   Any professional problem solver knows that if one merely responds to symptoms eventually one will have an issue which exponentially increases.  Whether one is repairing a main city water line with duct tape or addressing substance abuse deaths with the criminal justice system one is merely addressing the symptoms.  This approach does not work long term in any area of life.  Yet, it seems as if us humans continue to use “treat the symptom” approach in many areas of our life.    Attempting to address decreasing demand for coal by sabotaging clean energy sources, solving the age-old infrastructure issues with patches, criminalizing the addict, criminalizing sexual activity which is not harmful,  labeling minimum wage workers as lazy or otherwise condemning the symptoms of  larger issues will always result long term in a crisis management approach which is expensive and ineffective.

It is time that we, the community, work with the police to not only respond to behavior which requires immediate attention but to assist in identifying the underlying issues and to then work with representatives of various agencies and organization to formulate plans to address the root causes.   

It is also time that we admit that we need to identify safe, effective means to diffuse perceived potentially dangerous situations with non-lethal weapons; that we address systemic racism without a “got you” mentality and we deal with the reality that first responders may not know whether a person is reaching for a gun or a cell phone.    It is also time that we quit thinking of police persons and the community as distinct groups of people instead of all being community members.


Written September 7, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org

Sunday Musings  - September 6, 2020

Tomorrow, September 7, 2020  in the United States is officially Labor Day - a federal holiday to honor and recognized the American labor movement and the works and contributions to the developments and achievements of the United States.  It is, of course, ironic, to say the least, that many of the lowest paid laborers will be working or unemployed. It is also a sad commentary that we live at a time when the 1% enjoys the bulk of the wealth while there is little official support for unions or other protections for laborers.    Pay, health insurance, childcare and other basic needs of the average worker are not considered rights but a privilege by many in the United States.    There seems to be a renewed belief that those who deserve will have all that they need and those who are less deserving will rightfully do without.   Here in Wheeling, West Virginia there are now plans - postponed by two weeks or so - to dismantle homeless camps.  The stated reason is criminal activity in the camps - domestic violence, theft, overdoses,  and other illegal activity.  One of the council members was quoted as saying, “It is very easy for all these people or agencies to say the city needs to do something...The city is doing something, it’s protecting its citizens from criminal activity. And I think that is where our role starts and ends.” (The Intelligencer. Wheeling News Register, September 5, 2020 “Removal of Homeless Encampments Delayed until September 18”  Mike Jones Region editor)

Recently I have been revisiting the question of how one is to decide what is moral or immoral.  Labor Day provides all of us an opportunity to attempt to articulate and discuss some of the moral issues which our current society presents.   For example:

•    Is it moral for 1% of the population to own a large share of the wealth?
•    Is it moral to deny homes, food, transportation, electricity, and internet  (needed for school and work in many instances), water, and heat to some because of illness or lack of jobs?
•    Is it moral to deny use of vacant or public land to those who are homeless?
•    Is it moral to allow homeless encampments to spread disease because we do not  provide portable bathrooms and other resources?
•    Is it moral to label the sick as criminal even if their illnesses result in activities which are illegal?
•    If a crime is committed in a house in a “respectable” neighborhood, it is moral to destroy that house or throw the occupants out?
•    Is it moral to expect parents to raise children without pay?
•    Is it moral to pretend as if destroying homeless encampments will vaporize the homeless population? 
•    Is it moral to expect our representatives in government to narrowly define criminal activity as that activity which is unpleasant or bothersome to those citizens who are not homeless?
•    Is it moral to pretend as if justice is the same for all the citizens?
•    It is moral to point fingers when I enjoy the luxury of a house with utilities, a full refrigerator, and internet service?
•    Is it moral to deny we are our brothers and sisters keepers?
•    Is it moral to expect the hopeless to act as if they have hope?
•    It is moral to believe that the fit should inherit the earth and the unfit should perish since they cannot contribute in the same way the fit can?
•    Is it moral to expect police to keep erasing symptoms of the ills of the community rather than helping to identify issues and problem solve with the community?

These are tough issues and, yet, as we approach Labor Day in the United States I think the moral imperative needs to be to ask these and other tough questions; to be honest about our beliefs, and to admit that most of us are not that distant from being homeless and consequently so frustrated, overwhelmed, hungry and life challenged that we might engage in illegal activity. 

I do not pretend to have answers or to be immune from enjoying my male, white, addiction free, brain disease free life.  I am not today using all my energy on the survival of me and my family. I have the luxury of time and energy to ask the questions while attempting  to be honest about the values which determine my answers.

Written September 6, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org

Failing vs being a failure=

None of us likes to fail.  Yet, most of us set goals and often fail to achieve them.  We fail because:

•   We set unrealistic goals.
•   We are powerless over people, places or things.
•   We did not know what we were doing.
•   We lied to ourselves and/or someone else about our goal.
•   We needed to discover what does not work.
•   We did not listen.
•   We did not take responsibility for our part in the task.
•   We set a goal which we was not going to lead us where we needed to be. 
Failing is, of course, a symptom of having tried to accomplish something. Many research scientists may spend their entire professional life finding out what does not work.   Successful actors have to learn to accept rejection.  Those of us who work for/with those addicted to alcohol and other substances need to be prepared to fail a lot if we define success as a person staying in recovery and staying alive. In fact, those of us who work for/with anyone  living with a chronic illness such as addiction  quickly learn a relatively small percentage of people will live to enjoy a long or full life.  This is also true for many  of those who live with other chronic illnesses.

Thursday the partner of a young man - the mother of his children - questioned what I was doing to help the young man.  “Whatever I was doing was not helping their relationship or their family life.” Of course, the young man had a different story.    Prior to her call I had been told by another member of his treatment team he had probably relapsed.   I was to see him Thursday evening,  but he did not show for his appointment and did not respond to my attempts to call him or text him.  Friday morning, he was found responsive and shortly thereafter pronounced dead.  I assume he relapsed but there could have been another medical issue.   Nothing I did kept him alive or helped him be the partner and father I believed he sincerely he wanted to be.   

Recently another young man challenged me to take an honest look at my own behavior and how it affected him and others.   He encourage me to not become defensive.   In his eyes I had failed to live up to my commitment to our friendship.  His experience is that I failed to be a good friend.   I cannot argue with his reality.   I must do my best to step back and identify what I can learn from this experience.

My friends frequently challenge me to grow emotionally and spiritually.   I intentionally surround myself with people who are committed to tickling my heart and my mind.

In my chosen profession the nature of the work is such that I am going to fail if the goal is to cure people of their chronic illness.  I can, of course, do my best to educate and train them to use new tools to take care of themselves, but I cannot erase the old triggers to past self-destructive behavior or control all the factors which affect their illness.

As is true for many of us humans, when I find that I failed to set an achievable goal or have failed in what I thought was possible, my first thought is that I am a failure rather than I failed in this instance.  I have to intentionally remind myself that I am not my profession or a particular goal.  I may often fail.  The consequences may be very serious.   Ironically, if I identify with my failure I am likely to fail more frequently in the future.

If my new goal is to be a perfect human and never fail I will be a failure. 
It would easy at times to succumb to the temptation of quit taking risks. Certainly, I would like to limit my risks; to take more educated risks.  Yet, the opposite of risk and, thus, the opposite of failure is to quit living.   That is, perhaps, the biggest failure of all.

Written September 5, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett, LPC, AADC
coachpickett.org
 
 
 

​Further thoughts on doing the next right thing
 
I do not have an OCD (Obsessive compulsive disorder ) but I may  often skate on the edge of that condition.   On any given day there are many tasks or activities which I have planned.  Occasionally, the activity may be taking time to watch the grass grow which is the time when all the parts of me which have become scattered and disconnected settle into their place within me.    The activity may be my desire to write a blog most days or it may be to do some home chores, spend time with a friend,  or read one of the many books which are piled in various places around my house.   It may be to roll out that pie dough I made last night and fill it with butterscotch custard .
 
As is true for all of us, no matter what I have scheduled, frequently I have to make a  decision to  let the schedule or the list dictate my behavior or check with my core values to make a change.   In my core values, relationships with friends, other family, is at the top.   Yet, it is also true that there are times when I know my internal gas tanks are empty or near empty and I need to fill them before I can be present for or with anyone else.
 
It is easy for me to convince myself that I can always put relationships with others first and then find time to take care of self.   For example,  I have scheduled a four-day weekend off work although off work means that I am still  committed to honoring my commitment to clients to be available via phone, text or email.   Sometimes I schedule time off and a number of clients or even friends need support.  On the other hand, my experience is clients and friends are enormously supportive of me taking some time to fill up my gas tanks if I am honest with them and if I trust them to use other resources.    I am letting folks know that I am off duty this weekend except for life threating emergencies which I can practically help address.  Most real emergencies can, however, be addressed by going to the emergency room, calling the fire department or, if in recovery,  going to a 12-step meeting. Actually, there are not many real emergencies.
 
I have decided that doing my human best to be present with love to myself and others is a core value.  Core values, for me, are the base for my decision-making model regarding what is moral or immoral.  It is immoral of me to ignore the pain of others.  On the other hand, it is immoral of me to pretend as if I can fix others or I can protect them from having to do life on life’s terms.   It is also immoral for me to pretend as if I can function on an empty gas tank. 
 
Many decisions  about what is moral or immoral are relatively simple for me.   Others are not so simple.  In future blogs I want to attempt to explore some alternatives methods for deciding what is moral.   Clearly it is not enough to say, as Joseph Fletcher suggested,  that love should be the core principle for deciding what is moral. Even he had a list of principles to use as a guide.  It often seems to me that love is a necessary but not sufficient condition or criteria for deciding what is moral.
 
Just for today perhaps the most more decision I can make is to question what is moral and not rely on some over simplified, but easy, answers.
 
Written September 2, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org