​Humility
 
It is Sunday evening at 6:00 p.m..  I am not surprised when I  answer a phone call from my 12-year-old adopted nephew and next door neighbor and hear him say, “Uncle Jim. I need help with my homework. I forgot to do it and it is due tomorrow.  Mom and dad suggested that you could help me since they have company tonight.  Would you please?”   Since I do not have plans and would have canceled them if I did, I tell Paul to come over.  He tells me he can come now since he and his sister had an early dinner since company is coming for an adult dinner later.  It is rare that any event at their house does not include the children.
 
The evening is cool. I get out the ingredients for the hot chocolate and start mixing the water, cocoa, sugar and a pinch of salt. When this paste is ready I add the mild and stir.
 
Soon, I hear Paul knocking.
 
Me:   Hello Paul.  This is a rare treat.   I have made some hot chocolate.  Why don’t you get the marshmallows and I will get the whipped cream.
 
Paul gets his favorite mug. I pour in the hot chocolate and he add a few marshmallows and a very generous amount of whipped cream. I know he will soon sport a whipped cream mustache.
 Sure enough there it is.  I smile and, knowing what I am smiling about, he smiles back.
 
Me:  What is the assignment Paul?
 
Paul:  Here it is Uncle Jim.   “We use the word humility a lot but it is not always clear what it means.  Talk about what it means to you.  It may be helpful to talk to an adult you respect about how they understand humility.”
 
Me: Oh my!  That is a wonderful assignment.   You know my friend Phil.  I was just talking with him this morning about humility.  You may remember that he has the disease of alcoholism. When he begins to drink his brain begs for more and more even though he hates what it does to him.  Once he starts drinking he cannot stop.  For the past year he has been involved in a program called AA – Alcoholic Anonymous – to help him.  This is a group of other people with the disease of alcoholism. They help each other stay sober.
 
Paul:  I remember him Uncle Jim, but what does this have to do with my homework?
 
Me: Well, when we want to make changes we have to practice changing our thinking.  The program of AA has a series of steps or homework assignments to help people do this.  One of the steps – step 7 -  is about humility.  It says “Humbly ask Him (the God of our understanding) to remove our shortcomings.”    Do you know what it meant by shortcomings Paul?
 
Paul: Does this mean the things we do that hurt ourselves or other people.
 
Me: Very good Paul.  That is exactly what it means.
 
Paul:  We have talked about hurting ourselves and others a lot Uncle Jim.
 
Me:  Yes we have, haven’t we Paul.   Let’s start then with the word humble or humility.
 
Paul:  You want me to get the dictionary don’t you Uncle Jim?
 
Me: Yes, let’s start there.
 
Paul: Okay.
 
Paul retrieves the Oxford Dictionary from the shelf in the kitchen.  We both know that we could use the computer but I still like to use the big Oxford.
Paul:  Humility?
 
Me:  Yes. Very good.
 
Paul: Here it is Uncle Jim.
 
“The quality of having a modest or low view of one’s importance.”
 
Origin: Middle English:  from Old French humilite, from Latin humilitas, from humilis (see humble).
Middle English: from Old French humilite, from Latin humilitas, from humilis (see humble).
 
Humble:   Having or showing a modest or low estimate of one’s importance…
(Of an action or thought) offered with or affected by a modest estimate of one’s importance.
 
Of low social, administrative, or political rank…
 
(Of a thing) of modest pretensions or dimensions.
 
Paul:  This is confusing Uncle Jim.   You, mom, and dad always talk about how important all of us are.
 
Me:  Yes, we do.  The dictionary was not very helpful was it.  Perhaps we can think about the  opposite of humble. What would be the opposite do you think Paul?
 
Paul: Being really important?
 
Me:  Perhaps we can think of it as thinking we are more important than other people.   Is anyone in this family- you, me, mom, dad or Sam – more important than everyone else in the family?
 
Paul:  No.  We believe that we are all important.
 
Me:  Do we all make mistakes at times Paul?
 
Paul: All the time.   At least I do.
 
Me:   Yes we all do.  We make a lot of mistakes. Sometimes the mistake is in trying to solve a problem or fix something.
 
Paul:  Yes, we tried to fix the problem with the kitchen sink the other day and got water everyone. Mom finally called the plumber.
 
Me: Yes. We all make those sorts of mistakes. How about when we do something which hurts someone’s feelings? Sometimes we get angry and do it on purpose and sometimes we don’t mean to.
 
Paul:  Yes. One time I really wanted to go to a party and both mom and dad said no. Everyone else was going and I got really mad because they were being mean!  I said I hated them  and went into my room, slamming and breaking the door!
 
Me: I know. Then you had to help fix the door.  Your parents had not been able to talk to the parents of the boy whose birthday party it was.   Their rule is to not let you and Sam go to someone’s house unless they know the parents are going to be there to make sure everyone is okay.
 
Paul:  I know. I was wrong.
 
Me: Did they still love you?
 
Paul: Yes.  Even when we get mad at each other we still love each other.
 
Me: And everyone in the family makes mistakes?
 
Paul:  Yes, but I do not see how this is related to humility Uncle Jim.
 
Me: We are getting there.   What if you thought that you had to be better than or more important than everyone else in the family?
 
Paul: I could not be more important Uncle Jim.
 
Me: I know, but what if you thought you had to try to prove you were better than everyone else including Uncle Jim?
 
Paul:  Then everyone else would have to be less important and they would feel bad. I would treat them differently Uncle Jim.
 
Me:  That is exactly right Paul.  So  if we know that it is okay for everyone to make mistakes and everyone is equally important then everyone can be loved just for being themselves.
 
Paul:  So, because we know it is okay to all be equally important and to make mistakes, we can love each other?
 
Me: Yes. Sometimes  some people believe that they cannot admit their mistakes because they can only be loved if they are perfect. When we try to be perfect we make more mistakes.
 
Paul:  Carl was caught trying to copy his answers from Susie. He did not know the answer and was afraid to get a bad grade.  He told me that his parents get very angry and tell him he is bad when he gets a bad grade. So then he gets scared and cheats. When he got caught then everyone gets more mad at him. He said, “I don’t  care what anyone thinks” but I knew he really did care.
 
Me: That is a really good example Paul.  The more we try to be perfect the more we make mistakes and the more we do things to pretend we did not.  That is what happens to alcoholics. They often feel really bad about being alcoholic and they pretend like they don’t care or are more importance than they feel. A part of healing for them is to know they can be loved while being no more or  no less important than other people. That way they will not have to try to pretend to be better than.   Does that make sense?
 
Paul:  So if I or Sam act as if we are better than the others we do stupid things and get into trouble which makes us feel worse.
 
Me: Exactly.  So in step 7 of the 12-step program, people humbly ask or pray for the God of their understanding to remove shortcomings or behavior which hurts them and others.  Be being humble – accepting it is okay to be human and make mistakes – we behave better.
 
Paul: So, if we behave better then God does not have to take away our bad behavior.
 
Me: Very good Paul.   By being humble  we are okay being us; we behave better.
 
Paul: So God does not have to do anything else.
 
Me:  Excellent.  Yes, God already loves us as humans. He/She knows we make mistakes and still loves us.   So when we pray to have God remove our bad behavior we are really praying that we can trust God that it is okay to be us.
 
Paul:  So we are important because we do not have to be important.
 
Me:  Paul. That is an excellent way to say it. You are so smart.   Now we need to write down what you want to say in class.  Do you want to type or do you want me to type while you talk.
 
Paul:  Will you type Uncle Jim?
 
Me: Yes, but only what you tell me to type. Where shall we start?
 
Paul: Well  I like what we just said, “We are important because we do not have to be important.” Then I can explain what that means.
 
Me: Great job.  Let’s get started. It should not take long Paul.
 
Paul:  Thanks, Uncle Jim.
 
Written April 17, 2016

​The next right thing
 
I have no idea when or from whom I first heard or first read the saying that “If you do the next right thing, you will always get what you need.”   The intent was not to suggest that as a young boy I would get the toy, bike or book that I wanted. As I got older, I understood that just because I did the next right thing I would not suddenly be given the skill or gift of being able to choose the winning lottery number, being connected to the love my life or never having to face the loss of a loved one. I also learned doing the next right thing did not guarantee the perfect marriage, friends who always stuck by me no matter how much I failed to be perfect or that I would find a way to be wealthy without possessing more than my share of the earth’s resources. 
 
As a child and even a young adult, I was assured by the pastors in the Christian churches I attended that my reward would be in heaven.  By now, I understood that  the next right thing referred to all the laws or rules as they were interpreted or understood  by the particular representative of that religion.  As I became an adult and moved out of that small circle, I discovered many other religions and philosophies often had a different interpretation of what was right or moral.  I also learned that some people believed that the reward was simply the satisfaction of knowing that one  one’s beliefs and actions were in sync most of the time. I discovered not everyone believed in this concept of a heaven to which we traveled if we were good when we died.  This was quite a shock and a completely different understanding of why one behaved in a certain way.   The reward was now an internal peace or the lack of distress from violating a core belief.  Whether it was because of the fear of an angry, punishing God which had been instilled in me or because of being what many labeled as ‘overly sensitive’ person, it seems as if  I was burdened with gut wrenching guilt which affected every part of my system.  The guilt shut me down emotionally and physically.   I recall telling a lie and, even worse, basing the lie on racism which, even at five years old I knew was wrong but effective.   I blamed some behavior of mine on a friend who happened to be African American. Although this lie softened the punishment from my mother, the burden of the resultant guilt followed me from that day to this very day. Even though I now understand that all  five-year-old children borrow from the biases of the small world they inhabit and I have publicly on more than one occasion confessed and even made amends as best I could, this deliberate 5-year-old lie is a poignant reminder of the internal “wages of sin.”  I no longer believe in a punishing God. I know that the strongest punishment is:
·      Loss of internal peace and physical health.
·      The inability to connect with others in the way that I want.
·      The inability to connect with God of my understanding/the universe.
As I continue to age and to have the ability to take a linear look at my life journey, I become increasingly aware each moment of this life journey is inexorably dependent on all the past moments.  As a person who has long studied systems, beginning with my study of engineering, I know that all parts of every system affect and are affected by each other.    This background has helped me to understand that if I changed one little piece of my background every part of my life today would be different.   Thus, my five-year old lies led to a desire to better understand racism, the choices that children make, and to do work with others to end racism and other forms of discrimination and prejudice.  My behaviors which contributed to the failure of my marriage to my son’s mother, the fact that I got married partly because I was unable to accept  the other desires I had, the decision to join the U. S. Navy and later to accept an appointment to the U. S. Naval Academy all have a  part in bringing me to this moment when I am sitting at Panera’s in Clearwater, Florida writing on April 17, 2016. Change one thing in the past and I would be someplace else doing something else.  Perhaps I would have completed this life journey already.
 
Another piece of the truth of that early teaching is that I am always where I need to be to learn the spiritual lessons I need to learn. I sincerely believe this, but it certainly does not feel that way at times.   Discerning the spiritual lesson is sometimes quite simple, but often it is much more difficult.   I just had an email from a client who says that her obsession with a current issue is so great that she cannot not focus on spiritual lessons.  It can often seem to clients, friends or others that I “obviously” have no real appreciation for the angst or pain they are experiencing.  What am I saying? Sometimes when I tell myself to focus on spiritual lessons another part of my brain is saying, “Do you not get it?  I am really in pain!”  Yet, I know that my story to date tells me that I have no control over any people, places, or events.  I only have control over whether I practice showing up and listening to what the universe will reveal to me.  Sometimes, the lesson is as simple as a reminder to be intentional about focusing on all the blessings of my life or to laugh at myself.  Recently I was thinking about the fact that it is so easy for me begin to feel as if I NEED a  computer, cell phone, dishwasher, garage, decent car, good food, many friends, good physical health, access to  health care, a loving partner, a Trek bicycle, and high quality chocolates to have a good life!! This is from a man who grew up from age 5 until 16 very poor without electricity, running water, indoor plumbing or a relaxing home.   Yet, in the midst of this seeming poverty, it was easy to appreciate the smallest treat. 
 
Obviously, I do not always do the next right thing.  When I am focusing on where I am spiritually, whatever I do is the next right thing.  It would be nice to immediately do the next right thing, but it is not in our nature as humans. Thus, the goal is to notice when I notice.  When I notice or am present, my body always lets me know when I am in sync – when I am doing what is ‘right’ for me  at this moment in time.  It also lets me know when this is not the case.    Is this true for everyone?  No, many illnesses and conditions may keep one from being able to even access core values and then make decisions based on these values.   Autistic children may be missing a part of their brain which does not allow them to be empathic.  Sociopaths may be very internally disconnected.  True pedophiles (very small number of people) may be unable to control the compulsions to act out fantasies/desires.  Addiction, certain medications, other brain disorders,  such as Alzheimer’s, also keeps one from living an intentional life based on core values.
 
For me it is helpful to remind myself that even though doing the next right thing may seem inconvenient or as if I am depriving myself of something which would  feel good for a second, the ability to live intentionally is itself a blessing not available to everyone.  I know, of course, that I am human  and not all knowing and all wise. I also at times am an emotional, limited human who will make mistakes.  Still, at this moment in time, I am able to remind myself and even to write/type – If I do the next right thing I will always get what I need to grow spiritually.  I can remind myself of this while also reminding myself that if I say this to others it must be tempered with the memory of how difficult it has and will be for me to live this truth.
 
Written April 17, 2016

​Abuse and depression are cousins
 
I was thinking this morning while listening to Krrista Tippett’s interview with Craig Minowa, the musician, environmental scientist, father, husband, friend and spiritual seeker that depression and abuse have a lot in common.
 
Clinical depression separates us from much of ourselves, from others, the wider environment and the universe. If one spends times with and listens to individuals who are experiencing clinical depression one of the terms which will repeatedly be heard is disconnect.  Individuals might or might not use that specific word although often, in my  experience, they do. All of we humans experience moments of disconnectedness. I am not talking about the healthy feeling of having a moment of peace and not being inundated with demands of people or tasks. I am referring to those moments when one feels cut off from hope, from love, from anything positive. It is that feeling of nothingness.  It is opposite of that feeling of knowing that one is a part of something larger - knowing that one is worthy and an important part of the whole.
 
Individuals who have a history of being held hostage by addiction frequently report that they have never felt a part of or connected in a loving way to anyone or anything.  They do not even feel connected to themselves. 
 
All states of being are, as we all know, interactional.  Depression says you do not matter. Nothing you do matters. There is no purpose to your life. This is all there is!  When that message is sent out to oneself and to that which is outside of oneself there is a resounding silence which says nothing.  No response indicates that one is right.  The lack of response is, in a sense, a response, which confirms what one already felt and probably has come to believe.  Depression says that one is useful only if one performs a task. If one is unable to perform a task because of depression one  has failed and, thus, is worthless. This is the feeling and the belief. Often this is the feedback from others who do not understand depression.
 
We may define abuse as any behavior or non-behavior which says that one is not important, one is not worth listening to, or what one is experiencing is not important. Abuse says that one is a functionary and if one is not as functional as another or as others determine one should be then one can be sold, ignored, disposed of or even killed.  Slaves are taken care just enough to insure that they can perform a function whether that be as a servant, a sexual object,  a farm animal or a symbol of one’s wealth and thus, one’s importance.
 
Abuse is certainly not limited to violent physical behavior such as hitting, choking, pushing, shoving, rape or other physically hurtful acts.  Abuse is also behavior which discounts one as a human and treats one as a functionary.  Abusive behavior can include, but is not limited to:
      Mocking the feelings, needs and desires of another.
      Not listening to another unless the individual is relaying information which another deems worth hearing – usually information which directly or indirectly benefits them.
      Controlling – forcing or attempting to force the other person to behave in a certain manner. This is unrelated to helping a person cope with immediate danger.
          Telling the other that they are ugly, worthless, not desirable, useless, or should feel lucky to even be tolerated; verbally abusing others.
      Not allowing access to money, education or other resources which would allow them to separate from the abusive person.
       Injuring one physically.
      Cutting off access to friends and other resources. Often the abusive person might say that they are protecting the individuals from those that are fill their heads with sinful lies or are just using them.
      Threatening them with accusations of mental illness.
      Attempting to use the children as pawns  - emotionally or physically.
      Accusing the victim of causing them to behave abusively; crazy making self-centeredness – the abuser makes everything about them. 
 
All of the above behavior is designed to cut one from support of oneself, the abuser, extended family and the larger world.  The abused, in the end, feels totally disconnected. They are disconnected from their own feelings and mind. They can no longer trust their own truth.  They are disconnected from others and from the God of their understanding or, if you will, the universe.
 
Clinical depression is caused by a weak part of the human system. It can be aggravated by stress but is not caused by stressed.  Situational depression is caused by stress – internal or external.   It is usually temporary unless one lives for a very long time in a very stressful environment – war, prison, abusive mental health facilities, abusive home situations, abusive or sub-standard nursing home, refugee camps, abusive work situations or other situations where there is long term abuse of some nature.   One can, of course, be vulnerable to clinical depression which is activated by an external stress.  It is also possible that even if one  is not genetically a candidate for clinical depression, that long-term exposure to repeated trauma or other stress may permanently affect the ability of the body to function.
 
Most of us are equipped – physically, emotionally, and spiritually – to handle short term stress.  None of us are well equipped to handle long-term stress.
 
It, of course, needs to be stated that what one person experiences as short term, negative stress, another will view as a learning opportunity or a time to make changes in their life.
 
Both abuse and clinical depression demand intervention.  If there is no intervention the body’s ability to function and to heal will decrease until it is not able to heal.
 
Fortunately today in the United States and some other countries there  are many more resources for both depressed people and many of those living in abusive situations or living with the effects of the abuse.
 
Healing  from abuse and depression is not easy, painless or quick.   Fortunately for the woman who has been or is being abused there are more resources in some areas although overcoming the psychological hurdle of admitting that one needs help is not easy for many.  For the man who is being abused there are fewer public resources although some men and some women have money or insurance which will pay for treatment, shelters, etc.  For the person who is dependent on referrals from doctors, staff of community mental health centers, prisons and jail officials there is often a paucity of help available.  I do not mean to imply that all prisons and all mental health centers lack the willingness or resources to help, but many do. 
 
If we, as a society, have labeled a person as worthless, undeserving of help, as responsible for their own abuse or otherwise as a throw-a-away,  help will very seldom be available. The cost to everyone for this “sin of commission and omission” is  monetarily, emotionally and spiritually very high.
 
We as a culture must learn to “listen” to each other so that we can identify those who are experiencing feeling disconnected whatever the cause of that feeling.   
 
Fortunately, we all know what it feels like to be disconnected for a moment or much longer.  If we listen to our own bodies we will be able to empathically respond to ourselves, children, friends, spouses, and neighbors as well as those we have labeled as those who are “throw-aways.”   Truth be told, we cannot afford to throw away anyone.  Everyone forms an essential piece of the whole.
 
Written April 16, 2016x

​What color am I?
 
I knew it was a teacher training day at the school which my adopted niece, Sam, and her brother, Paul attend.   Paul was to spend the day going kayaking with a friend and his friend’s mother.  I was tickled that Sam had asked to spend the day with me.  She has also texted me that she had an important question to discuss.
 
Since she was having breakfast with her parents and Paul, I did not need to fix breakfast although I had made dought for cinnamon buns for a snack later.  The refrigerator dough could rise in the refrigerator until we were ready to make the rolls.  I also had the milk heating and some mini-marshmallows set out for her hot chocolate. 
 
I have been enjoying the morning newspapers or rather, I had the newspaper spread out as it it was waiting for reader. In actuality I was watching the robins, the blue birds and an occasional humming bird search for their breakfast.
 
I did not notice that Sam was already making her way to my kitchen door.  It was only when I heard the gentle six-year old tap on the door that I brought my attention back to the moment.
 
I open the door.
 
Me:  Good morning Sam. How are you?
 
Sam:  I am good Uncle Jim. I am so glad we are spending the day together.  Dad made waffles for breakfast and we had fresh strawberries and blueberry syrup! Yummm….
 
Me:  Sounds yummy. Do you want some hot chocolate Sam?
 
Sam:   It was yummy.   Are we going out to lunch Uncle Jim?
Yes, please.
 
Me:  (One has to carefully follow the words of a loquacious six-year old.).  You do want hot chocolate?
 
Sam:  (sigh) Yes, please.
 
Me:  The mild is hot.  I have already mixed the vanilla, cocoa, sugar and water.  Here, do you want to stir after I pour the milk in?
 
Sam:  Okay. I like to see the milk change color.
 
Me:  Here, let me tie your apron on.
 
(I get the apron and tie it on her.  Then Sam gets up on our stool and carefully begins to stir the hot chocolate.)
 
Sam:  Now it is the color of Ted E.  Bear.
 
Me: Indeed it is. Such a nice color.   Here, let me poor it in the cup for you.
 
Sam adds several miniature marshmallows.
 
Sam:  Yumm.  I love hot chocolate.
 
Me:  I know you do.  What was the question you wanted to ask?
 
Sam:  How come I am not a color, Uncle Jim.
 
Me:   You are a color Sam.
 
Sam:  No.  White is not a color
 
Me:  I think of you more of an antique lace color – something between beige and a very light brown.   You know that old crocheted dollie  which is under the lamp on your nightstand? That was made by your great grandmother. You are the same color as it is, but some parts of you are already beginning to get darker as you spend more time in the sun and some part of you are much lighter.  None of you is the same color as my white kitchen cabinet or the white crayon.
 
Here, let’s look at something.   Angélia Dass is an artist who creates photographs to show the many colors of we humans and even the different colors on different parts of our body.   Yesterday I was listening to a Ted Talk  by her and then later looked on the internet to see some of her photographic exhibits.    Here, let me show you.
 
I quickly find the site which featured her creations.
 
Sam:  Gosh, Uncle Jim no one is white or black are they?
 
Me:  No, we are all many different shades or hues.  Do you know the word hue Sam?
 
Sam: No, Uncle Jim.  I will get the dictionary. How to you spell it Uncle Jim?
 
Me: H  U  E
 
Sam: Here it is.
 
She reads:
[if !supportLists]·      [endif]A color or shade.
[if !supportLists]·      [endif]The attribute of a colour by virtue of which it is discernible as red, green, etc. and which is dependent on a dominant wavelength and independent of intensity or lightness.
What does this mean Uncle Jim.  Discern….?
 
Me:  That just means what we see with our eyes although some people see differently and do not see  colors the same as others.  We know that light has a length. Remember when we looked the chart. The different lengths of the light  determine color.
 
Sam:  Oh I remember, but that is still sort of confusing.
 
Me: We will look at it again some time. For now, let’s just use the word shade which you understand. 
 
Let’s get back to you concern about your color.  Why you want to be a different color?
 
Sam:  Uncle Jim it seems like everyone in my school is more of a color than I am.
 
Me:  You attend a school which has a lot of people from different backgrounds and a lot of them have people In their families who are many different colors.   Here, let me read to you what Angélia Dass says about her family on the Ted Talk:
 
“I was born in a family full of colors. My father is the son of a maid from whom he inherited an intense dark chocolate tone. He was adopted by those who I know as my grandparents. The matriarch, my grandma, has a porcelain skin and cotton-like hair. My grandpa was somewhere between a vanilla and strawberry yogurt tone, like my uncle and my cousin. My mother is a cinnamon-skin daughter of a native Brazilian, with a pinch of hazel and honey, and a man [who is] a mix of coffee with milk, but with a lot of coffee. She has two sisters. One in a toasted-peanut skin and the other, also adopted, more on the beige side, like a pancake.”
 
Sam:  That makes me hungry Uncle Jim.  I am more like a pancake color?  I like that Uncle Jim – much better than white.   Why does color make a difference?
 
Me:  That is an important question Sam.  You know we have talked a lot about bullies not feeling good about themselves.  They find some way to convince themselves that they are stronger or more important than other people.  Well, in this country some people want to be richer so that they could feel important.  They figured if they did not have to pay their workers much they could have more money.  So they had to convince themselves that they could do this and still be good people. They called the workers slaves. Someone decided that they would  use skin tone or shade  and then say that all people who came from Africa were black although as Ms. Dass points out that is not true. Then they made up lies to justify what they believed.  They said that black people were dark chocolate and honey and cinnamon  and many other colors. They also were not dumb but when you do not let kids go to school or read which made them seem dumb.    
 
Later it was not just the slaves but anyone who looked different including Asians, Native Americans, Middle Easterners and others. At times it was men convincing themselves they were better than women.
 
Sam:  That is mean and stupid Uncle Jim.
 
Me:  Yes it is.   So you see it really had nothing to do with color or race or even gender.  You will also notice that we have different shapes, different color eyes, and many other small differences,    Remember when someone came to your class and divided you up according to eye color.  Because you have blue eyes you were in the blue eye group. Then the teacher pretended that all blue eye people were stupid and not nice.  That made you and the other kids feel terrible didn’t it.  Treating someone different because of their color is the same thing except when we do it for years and years everyone begins to believe the lies and to treat each other and themselves on the basis of the lie.
 
Sam: At our school everyone is treated well. The teacher does not like it if someone is mean.
 
Me:   That is really good.   So is one color better than another.
 
Sam:  I guess not Uncle Jim.  I like an …    What color did you say I am Uncle Jim?
 
Me.  Antique beige.   That is not even close to white it is although white is also a good color.
 
Sam:  That is weird Uncle Jim.  Why did I think I was white? I am nothing like the white crayon.
 
Me:  When we hear something over and over again we tend to believe it if we are not careful.  You hear the terms while and black a lot but when it comes to people those are not very accurate terms.
 
Sam:  Uncle Jim it seems like every time we talk we find out we were not thinking very well.
 
Me:  That is true Sam.  It is easy to begin to think that we have learned a lot about some subject and then we forget to question what we heard.
 
Sam:  It is time for lunch Uncle Jim.
 
Me:  It is nearly time.  Is there someplace special you want to go?
 
Sam:  Could be go to a place where I could practice my Spanish Uncle Jim.
 
Me: We should could.  Let’s look at the options. There are three places relatively close. 
 
Sam: Thanks Uncle Jim.  Will they like antiques beige people? (She smiles.)
 
Me: I am sure that they will, Sam.  Here, let’s wash up our cups and then we can put the stool and the apron away.   I enjoyed our conversation.  By the way we are going to have cinnamon rolls later. I put the dough in the refrigerator. Remind me when we get back and we will make the rolls so that they can rise again.
 
Sam: Okay. Thanks Uncle Jim
 
Written April 15, 2016

​News, news, news
 
This morning I listened to a Ted Talk by Kirk Citron who asked the question “How many of today’s headlines will matter in 100 years?”  I also watched and listened to network news on the television while I was on the treadmill and read both the Wall Street Journal and the Tampa Tribune.    Additionally, I googled several news items including the Verizon strike by the wireline division which has 45,000 employees of the total 197,000 employees.
 
There was an article in the Wall Street Journal by Jeffrey Herbst entitled “The Algorithm Is an Editor” discussing the question of whether Google, Facebook and other tech companies are news organizations.
 
Two of the ancillary questions which must be raised if one is going to sort through all the information presented daily and, in some cases, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year are:
 
·      To what stories does one attend?
·      How does one determine whether there is a consistent “truth” or “truths” in any of the presented stories?
·   
Even though I have a background of living in areas such as Washington, D. C. and  New York-New Jersey area where the so-called educated and informed person was expected to find the time to comb through, at the minimum, two to four newspapers a day plus listen to television news broadcasts and to read such magazines as The Atlantic Monthly, The New Yorker and at least some professional journals, I somehow, in the age of the internet, 24-hour cable news coverage, email, text, and tech company stream of personal, business, political, and human interests items feel uneducated.  I feel as if I am missing more than I am taking in and, thus, am poorly prepared to have even a minimal cogent opinion on any topic!   Yikes!
 
I recall moving from the New Jersey – New York area to a small, then remote village, in Southeast Alaska which did not have consistent electricity much less satellite, internet or even radio and television coverage.  I thought I would wither and die from the lack of information input.   Yet, six months later when I was in New York City for a professional conference I had little interest in the newspapers, television or other information streaming sources.  What had happened?  Certainly, the world had managed, however fumblingly, to go on without me and my vociferous and erudite daily commentary.   Years later, after living in the “lower 48” for many subsequent years, I was back to the pattern of information intake I described in the beginning of this writing.
Then, someone such as Kirk Citron challenges me to rethink not  only what information (news) is going to matter in 100 years, but how does one discern what information is news and what is the half-truths of those with a proprietary interest in how they present so-called facts.
 
I am aware of attending to a particular story which was reported in the political, business, human interest and financial sections this morning.  This is the story of a strike by the 45,000 union wireline division employees of the total 197,000 Verizon employees.  There are many, often conflicting “facts” presented including:
·      The wireline division is losing money.
·      The wireline division is responsible for fiber optics which provides connections for cable TV, phone and data.
·      Cell towers are supported by fiber optics.
·      The company needs some of the following concessions to stay profitable:
o   *eliminating pensions for all new hires and freezing pensions for current employees;
o   *scrapping all of the contract’s job security provisions;
o   *sharply increasing workers’ payments for health insurance premiums;
o   *cutting back sick days and eliminating four vacation days, including Martin Luther King Day;
o   *allowing unlimited freedom to outsource union workers’ jobs.
·      The average line worker compensation is $130,000.
·      CEO Lowell McAdam’s total compensation in over $18,000,000.00 per annum.
·      Verizon stock has risen  approximately 14 dollars per share since August of 2011.
 
One could, of course, continue to present highlights of the Verizon story from various perspectives for a long time.  In the end, it would still be difficult for this writer to correctly identify “the truths” and to form an educated opinion.    I could, of course, approach this issues from the standpoint of:
·      The “truths” of particular United States presidential candidates.
·      The seeming fact that despite the historic, positive role of unions providing some safely and financial protection for many workers it is still an adversary system which, at this point in history, has two groups whose self-interest had led to attachments to power and perhaps human corruption.
·      The overall effect of this story on the financial status of the United States and the world although this would require some decision about which economic theorist to trust.
 
Mercy me!  By this time I can feel a news headache coming on.  What is a responsible citizen to do? Fortunately, I am blessed to not be addicted to alcohol or other drugs. I may be addicted to mystery novels and could bury my head in the sand of one mystery book after another.  I could also become a silent contemplative religious person and go off into the wilderness.
 
I could, of course, also continue to refuse to settle on “one truth” leaving me free both to act “as if” and to remind myself that this life journey is but a moment,  hold on to my sense of humor, and  love the best I know how.   Last, but not least, I can surround myself with loving people who remind me not to take this opera of life too seriously.  Oh dear!  Did I just issue another news flash?
 
 
Written April 14,  2016

​Am I privileged?
 
I have frequently heard comments or seen letters to the editor in various newspapers of people who take umbrage at being labeled as privileged.  Usually these comments or letters are by Caucasian,  U. S. born people who have worked very hard to establish a decent life for themselves and their families. One such letter was a letter to the editor in the April 9, 2016 Tampa Tribune by James Green.   On April 13th there were three letters in Your Views expressing gratitude to Mr. Green for his letter.  Later I read a June 23, 2015 article in The Huffington Post by Shayne Hughes, President, Lead Culture Change Partner of Learning as Leadership.
 
It seems the word privilege has become, for many, a very emotionally-charged word.    The Oxford Dictionary defines the word privilege as:
 
Noun
·      A special right, advantage, or immunity granted or available to a particular person or group; education is a right, not an advantage.
·      Something regarded as a special honour.
·      Especially in a parliamentary context the right to say or write something without the risk of incurring punishment or legal action.
·      The right of a lawyer or official to refuse to divulge confidential information.
Verb
·      Grant a privilege or privileges to … .
·      Exempt someone from a liability or obligation to which others are subject.
The origin of the word is the Latin word privilegium meaning a bill or law affecting an individual.
 
It seems that many hear the word or label as discounting of the hard work they have done to attain financial, social or emotional stability.
 
Mr. Hughes suggests:
 
“Calling me privileged implies I didn’t earn what I’ve created. That it was easy for me. That’s not my experience. I got where I am with blood, sweat and tears. Telling me otherwise (especially with a charged word like ‘privilege’) just makes me defensive. I don’t want to appear elitist, arrogant, selfish, or like an exploiter. Combine it with “white privilege” and I’m a quasi-bigot.
Except that’s not what women and people of color are talking about.
We are talking past each other
 
The real issue is one of obstacles. Moving up the socioeconomic ladder in America involves leaping over certain hurdles:…”
 
Point well taken. Everyone I know has faced certain hurdles during their life journey.  Those hurdles might have been emotional, mental, intellectual, racism, sexism or other prejudices, financial cultural, language, mental or physical limitations or challenges, or lack of parental/elder support.
 
The hurdles or obstacles  may be multiple.   Some of them keep us from “jumping” over other hurdles.   Depending on the nature of our emotional and mental hurdles and our parental/elder support we may or may not be able to perceive or jump over the next hurdle. Yet, I suspect that we have all heard the story of the individual who has faced and overcome a multitude of seemingly impenetrable hurdles.  Sonia Sotomayor, the Supreme Court Justice, for example, overcame the hurdles of her father’s sad alcoholism, the inability of her mother to be present while working the afternoon shift, childhood diabetes requiring her to learn to give herself shots at 8 years old, and life in the projects surrounded by drug abuse, despair or other depressive influences.   Why were she and her brother who became a doctor able to overcome so many obstacles?  It helped that there was some extended family support of strong women, a rich cultural heritage, and a powerful; intellect.   Yet, there are those with the same gifts who are not able to overcome such hurdles.  Nothing in my clinical psychology education has offered an adequate explanation.
 
Sometimes, it is easy to identify the factors which allows one of us to overcome hurdles.  Often it is not.
 
Perhaps the term privilege or some other less emotionally charged term could encompass such factor as fate, inherited genetic memories or other factors, the theoretical framework of past lives and spiritual progress or other yet to be identified factors.    
 
 I strongly agree with Mr. Hughes that attempting to make one feel guilty or to discredit one’s hard work is not likely to lead to a culture in which we work together to take care of each other rather than criticizing each other.  I also strongly agree with the advice he offers:
 
“Be the starting point of dialogue, not diversion:
 
•   Notice how you get defensive. When we feel criticized, accused or devalued, we lash out, typically in ways that cause others to feel mistreated. Defending your position creates no progress.
•   Actively seek out what you don’t know you don’t know. It’s not your fault you didn’t encounter certain obstacles. Be grateful. But also be curious about the challenges that people not like you had to overcome.
•   Embrace your own obstacles. When I look back at my life, my most meaningful accomplishments were my most difficult obstacles. I can feel jealous that others had fewer, or I can embrace the growth that my next obstacle is offering me.
•   Expand your empathy. Suffering and difficulty aren’t a competition (neither is success, by the way). Acknowledging what others have gone through can inspire our own courage and commitment to growth.
•   Focus your energy on obstacle busting. For both yourself and others, acknowledge the vulnerability we feel when we face a daunting challenge. Create a context where people feel safe and inspired to go for broke.
 
Beyond our own social mobility, one of the greatest “privileges” (and responsibilities) of having fewer obstacles is empowering people who have many. Let’s get to it.”
 
As readers of my blogs or anyone who has spent much time with me knows, I tend to use the word blessed a lot.     It seems to me that if I keep focused on all the ways I am blessed I am:
·      Not likely to get defensive about my lack of certain obstacles and focus on being grateful without the need to assert that I am better or stronger than.
·      More likely to be open to learning about how the obstacles or combination of obstacles make it difficult for others.
·      Feel good, but not superior, about overcoming the obstacles I have and may overcome in the future.  I do not need to compare myself to others or compare others to myself.
·      Blessed to be able to overcome certain obstacles but have no idea what it is like to walk in the shoes of or live in the head of another.  After many years of experience, study and with all the advances in our knowledge about the brain  what causes factors to control or direct the neurons and synapses in our brain to formulate  a certain thought which then leads to action is still a mystery.
·      Able to focus on problem solving rather than anger and punishing others for not thinking and acting like me.  Much of our judicial system or approach to those who, for various reasons are unable to overcome obstacles and create a positive life for themselves is based on our anger, judgmentalness and subsequent punishment. We know that does not change behavior in a positive direction.   
 
I am increasingly aware of when I am getting defensive. It is my goal to be  non-judgmental, to notice that reaction, and to then be intentional about focusing on the recommendations of Mr. Hughes.
 
Certainly if a word or terms keeps interfering with who we are and who we are becoming, let’s use a different term if possible.  The term is not important.  Insisting that others “get over it” may be another obstacle to problem solving.  For me, the term blessings communicate something different than the term privilege.  Some other term might be more effective for others.
 
 
Written April 13, 2016

On becoming an elder
 
One of my greatest joys is being the adopted uncle of six-year-old Sam and 12-year-old Paul.   Don’t get me wrong, I love those nieces and nephews who are the children and grandchildren of my siblings.  Sadly, because of the choices I have made, I do not often see them.  I do not live geographically close to any of them and seldom get the opportunity to sit and discuss issued with them as I do with Sam, Paul, and some of their friends and local neighbors.   I am delighted that some of my other nieces and nephews do, on occasion, read this blog.
 
I appreciate this role of an elder, although I must admit that, at times, I worry that I and other elders might merely repeat to those we mentor what we were taught rather than modeling an ongoing learning process.
 
As I sat reading the Saint Petersburg edition of the Tampa Tribune and the Wall Street Journal after having listened to national news broadcasts while on the treadmill at the gym, I was acutely aware of the plethora of information which is now available to many of we humans.   As a child, I was exposed to a very dry, non-controversial rendition of history, basic math, and English skills, safe (non-controversial) books to read, and the overhearing of an occasional political discussion between some of my adult relatives.  I did have access to a few books at the school library as well as some others at the home of my paternal grandparents.   At our house we did not, however, have access to electricity which precluded even the twice daily, brief news broadcasts on a.m. radio.  If we did get an opportunity to attend the screening of a movie we were also exposed to the newsreels which were a brief summary of national news told from the standpoint of patriotic Americans. 
 
We attended a conservative Christian church where we were drilled with a list of sins and the wages of the same and were often told that “nice” boys and girls did not behave in certain ways. 
 
We did not discuss the evils of racism, sexism, ageism, use of military force or the possibility that use of nuclear weapons to end WWII was opening the door to a long history of fear. We also did not discuss such issues as why homosexuality was considered a sin or how the anti-Jewish sentiment of such famous people as Henry Ford helped to create the atmosphere for the teaching of Hitler.  Neither did we discuss how the treatment of the Germans after WWI set the stage for the rise to power of Hitler and The Third Reich.
 
Yet, while listening to the television newscast, listening to NPR and reading the local and national newspapers this morning, I was confronted with thoughts and opinions on most of these issues. Some of the thoughts clearly endorsed what I was taught by the school text books and the conservative church.  There were articles supporting the passage of Religious Freedom laws and condemning the expectations that we humans should be able to use the bathroom of the gender with which we identify.  I read that John Kerry, the United States Secretary of State, was the first of his rank to visit the site where our bomb killed 140,000 people. No apology for the dropping of the bomb was forthcoming. 
 
I also read about spacecrafts, the political campaigns, the many, many places which we humans are fighting each other, the fact that officially the United States does not count the U. S. Marines as ground forces in Iraq, corruption, the role of Pope Francis versus that of a possible President in dealing with poverty and a host of other issues.
 
As anyone who has spent time with children who are encouraged to pay attention and ask questions will know, many of today’s  children feel free to ask about or even venture an opinion about any of these issues.  Both six-year-old Sam and 12-year-old Paul feel free to question this elder about sexual orientation issues, concepts of justice, what differentiates the killing of a terrorist from the killings of a recognized government, or what differentiates the hateful language of radical, right-wing Christians from that hateful, righteous language of those we label as terrorist? 
 
As an elder I need to be prepared to address all these issues and/or to be open to being educated with those I mentor.
 
I need to be able to say more than homosexuality is wrong because the bible of the Christians and some other religions use says it is.  I may need to have a good understanding of the interplay between the developmental nature of our scientific knowledge  and the formulation of religious rules.   If Sam, Paul or other young people ask me about the relationship between the invention of the microscope and the prohibitions against wasting seeds in same sex relationships, I need to be willing to answer or explore theories with them.
 
I need to be able to address why economic theories support top down or bottom up approaches to attending to a more equitable distribution of resources.
 
Most of all, I have to be ready to suspend what I think I know and be open to being surprised with possibilities which I never before considered. 
 
If I truly want to earn the honor of being a mentor/teacher a mere restating of opinions or worse yet dogmas will not be sufficient.
 
I need to help those I mentor/teach to face the fact that we both have to suspend certainty and be prepared to take action.  This also opens the door to the necessity of admitting that we will make mistakes and must learn to make amends and move on.
 
Sam, Paul and other young people have already announced their intention “Coming. Ready or not!”
 
Written April 13, 2016

​

​Being human
 
This past weekend I, as usual, downloaded the edition of On Being with Krista Tippett which would air in my home area on Sunday morning, April 10, 2016.  This week, Ms. Tippett was having a conversation with David Whyte, the poet, philosopher, and an Associate Fellow at Said Business School as well as consultant/advisor to corporation employees.
 
His powerful poems soothe, challenge, and sometimes tickle one.  His philosophical musings shake up the mind,  evoking new questions or perhaps a new awareness of age old questions.
 
One of the quintessential questions concerns the essence of we humans. What is the essence of our humanness?  What differentiates we humans from other parts of creation?   Mr. Whyte suggests, “Well, one of the interesting qualities of being human is, by the look of it, we’re the only part of creation that can actually refuse to be ourselves.”
 
I find this a very basic, simple and fascinating thesis. Leaving aside, for a  moment, the question of whether that is the only quality or characteristic or even the primary quality which distinguishes us from the rest of creation, what does it mean to refuse to be ourselves?  Certainly we can refuse to own many of our instincts, emotions, thoughts or desires.  Those of us who have committed ourselves to a spiritual journey of self-examination have come to accept that honesty, first with oneself, about oneself, is an essential part of this journey.   It is a journey which one never completes. Whether the truth is as simple as denying that we hate some habit of our partner or think that their new haircut looks stupid, that we did indeed look at this other person as a sexual object, that we are more fluid in our sexual desires than is comfortable for us, that we are a socialist who wants to be wealthy, or despite one’s pacifism, loves the fact that the “good people” in the new Star Wars movie won by very violent means, we may avoid being honest with ourselves or others.
 
We run from pain whether its etiology, emotional, or physical.  We run from the fact that we are not always kind, cruel, loving, hateful, vulnerable, strong,  or devious.  The fear of being ourselves – the fear of being less than or more than (what might others expect of us) – leads us to deny, often even to ourselves, our best and worst characteristics or qualities. 
 
Of course, the curious fact is that we are all basically the same. Although some of us might be more able to accept some parts of ourselves we avoid other parts of ourselves. 
 
To be sure, there is a huge distance between admitting that we have X thought or desire and acting on X thought or desire.  Still what would happen if we humans were as accepting of our humanness as, say, the chicken is of his or her chickenness.  As Mr. Whyte points out, we have no evidence that any other part of creation has such a difficult time just being themselves.
 
We humans come in a variety of shapes, colors, sizes, intelligences, degrees of  sociability, intelligence and talent.    Some of us crave living in a tight knit family and some of us crave solitude. Some of us are born with perfect pitch and some of us could study with the most renown music teacher and never learn perfect pitch. Some of us thrive in a lab which involves repetitive experiments painstakingly manipulating one factor at a time.  Some of us get really excited by mathematical formulas and others need a different sort of stimulation.
 
The point is, of course,  that all of us have some talents or special skills. One is not more and less valuable than another. All are equally important. 
 
We live in a time in which a significant segment of the human population seems to be committed to facing who they are.   Many people believe that this may be the richest spiritual time in world history.  It is, of course, not surprising that it is also a time of enormous tension between those who are committed to living the truth of their humanness  and those whose fear of who they are, as humans, keeps them locked into a prison of self-doubt and a corresponding need to prove or earn their worth. Sometimes this proof involves positing a God who has designed this life journey as a test. This God may require the sacrifice of the life of the committed one and the life of those who refuse to believe in this same God.  This God may require large incomes and the corresponding accumulation of stuff or other symbols of power. 
 
We also live in an age in which it seems the secrets  are constantly being exposed. It may be a secret bank account, an extra- marital affair, or other “truths” about an individual or a country.  Sooner or later someone is likely to unlock and share these “secrets.” 
 
We also live in an age in which we are more connected as a world community than ever before.  The definition of community, city, state and even country is being redefined.   It is increasingly difficult to deny that we are one body made up on small units
 
The interesting question is what sort of world will we create and inhabit if we no longer distinguish ourselves as the part of creation which can refuse to be ourselves?  Even more interesting, perhaps, is what exciting possibilities will open to us when we are no longer using our time, energy, and talents to run from ourselves?
 
Perhaps we will never evolve to that point, but then again who could have predicted that we would arrive at this point in our evolution?
 
Written  April 11, 2016

​The angry one
 
This morning, Sunday, 5:30 a.m.
 
Studio City Metro Station
 
The sound of a train leaving
 
GOD  DAM, MOTHER F*CKER, SON OF A B…CH
 
SON OF A B…….TCH
 
Picking up and banging his bike front tire on
 
the surface while his feet stump
 
GOD DAMMMM.  SON OF A BITTTTCHO
 
Only 15 minutes before the next train
 
But that sliver of time must mean
 
Must mean what?
 
Late again for work?
 
A partner about to have a baby?
 
The last of a long night of failing?
 
The anger does not invite that reassuring
 
nod which says , “I feel your pain
 
Been there.”
 
Close enough to touch
 
Yet a universe away.
 
A moment of fear that he will…
 
Will what?
 
Lash out mistaking himself for me?
 
The naked vulnerability is known to all.
 
Perhaps this chocolate man is the age
 
Of my son whose home I have just left
 
5’8”, 160 pounds – a duplicate only in a
 
chocolate flavor
 
We parents want to comfort and, if lucky,
 
quickly accept that sometimes comfort is
 
best offered silently as our hearts send out
 
protective screens.
 
What if……
 
What if the internal combustion is so
 
unbearable?
 
In a flash he flings himself onto the tracks
 
like a tossed ripe tomato morphing into
 
the photograph now carefully hung on a
 
gallery wall.
 
“That artist makes me uncomfortable.”
 
“Oh, that red reminds of that full skirted
 
tango skirt I had in Argentina. Did  I ever tell
 
you the ….?”
 
“Really, I could throw a tomato on canvas
 
and photograph it.  This is art?
 
The next train arrives.
 
He, his bicycle, I and a few others board.
 
He sits holding his bike steady while his head
 
finds the comfort of his chest.
 
All the anger spent.
 
Three stops and he rushes off.
 
To go ….?
 
I go on to Union Station and then on
 
the Fly Away to the airport.
 
My chocolate son now a shadow to be
 
tucked into some recess of my heart.
 
Written April 10, 2016

​Living Ubuntu in Los Angeles
 
I have previously written about the African concept of Ubuntu – I am because you are.   Yesterday, while enjoying another day in Los Angeles with my son, I was thinking of what it means to live this concept in a city where some estimate the homeless population to be as much as 44,000 or even more (Article in NY Times, February 9, 2016 by Jan Lovett, “Los Angeles Approves Plan to Fight Homeless.”)
 
My son and I had taken the subway to the new Broad Museum which I wanted to visit.   As it happened the line just to get a ticket was at least an hour wait.   This museum is free but only allows so many visitors in at one time.   I was delighted that the newest museum in Los Angeles was drawing so much attention,  but disappointed at not seeing the facility or the art currently exhibited there.   Prior, however, to reaching the museum, while waiting for the subway, I noticed what appeared to be a homeless young man sleeping on one of the benches in the area where we and others waited for the train.  Soon I noticed a security person waking the man and telling him to get his belongings.  The homeless person asked, “Where are you taking me?”  The security person replied that “You have to leave here.”   It did not appear as if the homeless person was being arrested, but I do not know for sure.  I wanted to intervene, but knew that there was nothing I could do. It was not as if I could offer this man a home.  Even if I lived in Los Angeles I could not offer a place to sleep for 44,000 plus people.  Of course, there is no reason that even if I could that a homeless person would want to come stay at my home or trust me to be helpful and not take advantage of them in some way. I thought about Ubuntu. What does it mean when looking at this homeless man that “I am because you are?”  What would this concept mean from the standpoint of the homeless man?  “I am because you are.”  From his standpoint, does it mean that he has to be homeless so I can have a place to live?”  Does it mean, I exist because you exist?   
 
Later my son and I were having lunch at the cafeteria of a music school which is open to the public.  For a mere $11.00 a person we had a very elegant lunch.  Jamie, my son, had heard of the fact that lunch was such an amazing bargain there.  We ate our oriental rice bowls with pork and chicken, freshly cooked vegetables over a large bed of perfectly cooked rice while discussing such issues pf whether capitalism can ever be moral, fair or just.  The conversation connected with some discomfort for me – the discomfort of always knowing that I have more than my share even though by the standards of some I am relatively poor – certainly too poor to live comfortably in any apartment in Los Angeles.  Still, I appreciated the luxury of having a relationship with my son which allows for such important discussions.
 
Later, after a visit to the Museum of Contemporary Art where we were soothed, stimulated and sometimes nurtured by a host of works by such artists as Jackson Pollock, Hilo Steyerl (Factory of the Sun), and Catherine Opie (700 Nimes Road) we wandered the gardens of the Disney music hall where I was particularly enamored by the color, texture and “design” of the naked coral trees.  It was a lovely peaceful setting from which we could look out to see elegant urban housing, new construction, and a tree covered by rich blue flowers.  Here it was not hard to embrace the concept of Ubuntu. A few people sat under umbrellas enjoying lunch.  No homeless individuals  had found their way to these sacred grounds.
 
We left there and began to walk to a section of the city which houses interesting shops and homes protected by refined, ornamental seemingly hand crafted fences and gates which could have been designed and constructed by friends such as the iron artist Jeff Forester.  On the way we also passed mini parks which were filled with blue tents surrounded by shopping carts of the households on wheels of some of the city homeless.  My son and I discussed the fact that sometimes folks are allowed to camp for a bit and then the area will be sanitized so that we more fortunate souls do not have to look at them.  Again, I think of Ubuntu.  
 
I took a break from writing and went to the gym.  On the walk to the gym I again saw a couple of shopping carts piled high with what appeared to be worldly belonging of one or more people.  The people who belonged to these carts were not in sight. I have no idea what this means unless they just leave them there while they find a place to spend the night. There was a light rain falling and I wondered what it would be like to have all one’s possessions in the rain with or without a plastic covering,  the ability of which to project the belonging was doubtful. I found myself also wondering about the treasure  being transported and stored in the carts.  This led me to thinking about all the “treasures” I have in my condo in Florida.  Although I have been gradually giving away many of them I still have a lot – clothes, silverware, pot and pans, dishes, vases, gifts from friends a lot of artwork, tools, office equipment, files cabinets stuffed with what I must have decided were important documents. All these treasures would not fit into one or two shopping carts.
 
“I am because you are.”  “You are because I am.”  What is the “I” and who is the “you”?  What constitutes our essence?  What is the essence of the “I” and what is the essence of the “we”?
What does it mean to be my brother’s keeper? More importantly, what does it mean to be my brother/sister and what does it mean for them to be me?
 
I know that city officials and those who exists to be their brothers/sister’s keeper struggle in Los Angeles and many other cities to respond to the needs of the homeless. Tourists and business people do not like to step over the sleeping bodies of the homeless.  I seem to recall when Seattle officials, who had been known to be especially concerned for and attentive to the needs of the homeless, began to face the economic reality that business people were complaining that the presence of sleeping bodies and folks asking for assistance were hurting their businesses and something had to be done.  Thus began a move to rid the sidewalks and entrance ways of those who the customers and residents did not want to have to daily confront.
 
Homeless people make us uncomfortable which is to say that homeless people reflect a part of ourselves which we are uncomfortable.  We like to think of ourselves as individuals, communities, and nations as invincible.  Obviously, since 9/11, we in the United States and many in other countries have had to come to terms with the fact that we are not nearly as invincible as we wanted to believe. We do not want to believe that an organization unaffiliated with any country has managed to remind us that no amount of bombs, security checks or intelligence agents can provide the protective shield we expect to be able to use. While there may be those in the United States who desperately want to believe that by keeping any additional Muslims from immigrating that we will be safe, the truth is that the danger is not Muslims or any group we can profile. 
 
The “terrorist” as does the homeless person bring us back to a part of ourselves we can no longer deny.  At a metaphysical  level we are forced to accept that we need the homeless to bring us back to the fullness of the reality of ourselves as individuals and as communities.  The homeless also need us to remind them of the part of themselves which they may have lost faith in.  
 
“I am because you are” brings us back to the ancient Chinese teachings of the yin and the yang or perhaps the teaching of the wisdom of the yin and the yang brings is back to the wisdom of Ubuntu.  It does not matter which came first.   The point is that wise elders have been teaching this truth for a very long time.   The reader will recall that the symbol for the yin and the yang is a circle containing both the yin and the yang.  In the yin is a small circle of the yang and in the yang is a small circle of the yin.  Neither the yin or the yang can exist without the other.  They represent the primal opposing forces found in all things in the universe.
 
I wonder, then, if I am accurate in suggesting that the concept of Ubuntu is contained in the truth which is inherent in the ancient teaching of the yin and the yang, that perhaps the “problem of the homeless” is, in fact, not a problem at all. Perhaps we need the homeless to reclaim a part of ourselves just as the homeless need the non-homeless to reclaim a part of themselves.
 
If we continue to look at the homeless and the terrorist in the same way, we will continue to find that the solution eludes us. 
 
Anyone who has studied problem solving in any area of life knows that very often a problem is not solved because the diagnosis is inaccurate.  In order to approach an issue or a lesson we need to identify the problem more accurately.  Perhaps as much as it may break my heart to face the homeless individuals, they are not the problem to be solved or eliminated.   Perhaps I need this reflection of me just as they need the reflection of them in me.  Perhaps until we face “I am because you are” we will need each other.
 
Written April 8, 2016