​ 
Rituals
 
This week’s podcast of On Being is a rebroadcast of a program recorded in 2009.  The show “grew out of an invitation to Muslim listeners to reflect on what it means to be part of what is often referred to as ‘the Muslim world’.  Muslims around the world are in the midst of the celebration of Ramadan which commemorate the date in 610 CE when the Quran was first revealed to the Prophet Muhammad.  This year, 2020, Ramadan is observed from April 23 to May 23rd.  During this time Muslims use the rituals or practices of fasting, prayer and acts of charity to renew their spiritual commitment.
 
Each day the fast is broken with a meal called the iftar which is often a communal affair and a time to welcome the needy with food.
 
As I was listening to the podcast and the comments of those who observe Ramadan I was struck by how many experienced the fast as a time to experience what is like to be hungry and, thus, a time to renew their commitment to humility and compassion for others.
 
Of course this year Ramadan occurs during the visit of Covid-19 which changes some of the options but does not change the ability to renew one’s spiritual commitment.
 
Christians recently observed Lent and Easter which is also a time to renew spiritual commitment. Jews observed Passover from April 9 to 16 which is a time to commemorate  their deliverance from Egypt.
 
All groups of humans have certain rituals.   Many are associated with a particular religion but many are not.  Most families have some rituals which are very significant to them.    In and of themselves the ritual may not that elaborate or important.  Each aspect of the ritual is a reminder of what is being celebrated.  
 
One of the rituals which is important in many traditions is the gathering of family, friends and strangers.  The meal may involve special dishes, food and prayers or toasts.
 
 
Almost all family and religious rituals acknowledge that we are a community who are responsible for each other and must welcome and take care of those who have been living outside our community. 
Fasting and praying can be ways to ensure we are reclaiming the best of who we are as humans.
 
All of us take in a lot of negative energy throughout each day.   In times such as these when the illusion of control and stability is no longer possible it may be especially easy to become angry,  frustrated and inconsiderate of each other; to lose ourselves and become the worst version of ourselves.
 
We do not have to be religious to know that we need daily spiritual rituals to, as Father Greg Boyle would say,  return ourselves to ourselves.
 
I am sure those readers who are Muslims would welcome non-Muslims to share in the practices of fasting and prayer to return to our best selves; our most humble and generous selves; the selves who can gather (even via zoom) to renew our commitment to take care of each other; to reclaim our freedom to live in harmony with all of nature.
 
Written May 15, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 

​When diagnoses become a label
 
Medical practitioners use the ICD-1- CM Diagnosis  Codes – International Classification of Diseases and the American Psychiatric and Statistical Manuel.  These are designed to assist health care professionals in identifying presenting symptoms, making an educated diagnoses and formulating a treatment plan.  A combination of those codes and the codes for procedures performed are used to bill insurance companies, to help judges and juries make decisions and to give some guidance to patients, family member and the community.  
 
Sadly, often the diagnostic codes become labels to define the person.   Many of those for/with whom I work present with symptoms such as violence, addiction and those associated with PTSD.  Many arrive in my office with a history of various diagnoses.  One of the diagnoses which all too often arrives with a person or which some family member uses to express concerns about another family member is that of Narcissist.   We have been trained to hear this diagnosis as a label which often tells us all we think we need to know about a person.   I was thinking of those who present with such a label after reading the most recent blog by Maria Popov, Brain Pickings.  She is a brilliant thinker and writer whose blog I would highly recommend.  This one discusses the humanistic philosopher Erich Fromm with particular emphasis on his thought provoking book, The Art of Being which she stays is “a sort of field guide, all the timelier today, to how we can shift from the having a mode of existence, which is systematically syphoning our happiness to a being mode.”  
 
In this blog, she focuses on Erich Fromm’s definition of narcissism.  The first sentence of his definition is “Narcissism is an orientation in which all one’s interest and passion are directed to one’s own person; one’s body, mind feelings, interests…”.  I certainly could not and would not want to argue with that definition or orientation.   Yet, I would suggest a slight change in the wording.  Consider this possibility:
Narcissism is a condition or orientation which arises out of a fear of not being emotionally, spiritually or emotionally safe in being a member of the wider community; a person who is unable to consider the needs of others.  The narcissist does not trust others to give them the unconditional regard they need and/or does not trust the sharing of one’s talents is enough.
 
In other words, the narcissist is a deeply lonely person who is constantly focused on taking care of themselves because they cannot trust others to do so.  The narcissist may, in fact, have convinced themselves that their worth is dependent on deserving to have a vastly unequal share of resources:  money, things, praise, power.  Diagnosing someone with a narcissistic disorder can, in this context, lead one to identify some of the factors which led to this orientation or life dance or to, at the very least, ensure that one approach this person with enormous compassion.   The label tells us nothing about the pain of the individual.  The individual, himself or herself might have no idea that there is another possible life dance.   The person with these symptoms should not be in a position of power or authority although they frequently are.  The challenge might be to relate to them as a person in pain while attempting to prevent them from using power or authority to mistreat others.   Labeling them as a  bad or unworthy person is not appropriate, accurate or helpful.  Labeling them as mentally ill person is also not helpful or kind.   That person deserves our love and emotional support; not our political support.
 
I believe that it is important to use medical labels as a guide to designing and implementing a treatment/healing plan and not as a definition of the essence of a person.    Erich Fromm is accurate in suggesting it is an orientation to a life dance; one I maintain  the person was taught and or stumbled onto.
 
There many such labels which tell us something about symptoms and which may offer a direction for treatment but which tell us nothing about the essence of a person.  I believe we must be vigilant in not confusing the two.
 
Written May 14, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org

What am I to learn?
 
For most of us humans focusing on what is wrong in the moment seems to come naturally. There are many individuals who seem justified in feeling as if they are drowning in bad luck, injustice or karma/sins of the ancestors.  Those living in refugee camps; those stuck in prison for the sin of having mental illness including addiction; those  fleeing poverty and violence sent back to their home country regardless of even their Covid-19 status; those who are without homes and living on the streets;  those who cannot celebrate with others the life of their recently deceased loved ones; those in hospitals and nursing homes who cannot live their last days surrounded by loved ones have plenty to complain and be sad or even angry about.  Yet, often it seems  the ones who are living with no resources and multiple hardships are the ones who find it the easiest to find that silver lining.
 
Pema Chodron, the Buddhist nun writes about the times in her life when it felt as if she was losing all that was important to her only to later discover that it was at those times that she grew the most spiritually.  Those in 12 step programs say that it is when individuals reach their bottom  - when all has been lost or taken from one – that one begins their journey of spiritual growth.     Last night I watched a move about a young athlete who after  an accident and becoming paralyzed  from the waist down discovers that letting go of the attachment to proving oneself allows one to begin to receive and give love.
 
I often think about the fact that if I changed one event in my past I would not be sitting here in my home office writing on my computer; would not have the friends I now have; wound not be living and working in West Virginia; would not  be a parent to my son Jamie.    In fact changing one event would start an entirely different chain of events – positive and negative.  
 
On the one hand, I would like to think that I am capable of learning what I need to learn to grow spiritually and emotionally without being pinned again the wall feeling trapped and  vulnerable.  The truth is sometimes I will be sitting very peacefully and suddenly a lightbulb will turn on revealing some important knowledge about myself or the world.  I may even pay attention and take a small step in this journey of spiritual growth.    More often, however, it seems as if it is in times of acute stress; times which Pema Chödrön describes as falling apart that I learn the most.
 
A friend of mine some years ago gave me a small frame to hang on the wall which contains the words “The barn burned down. Now I can see the moon.”
 
The fact is, of course, the barn did burn down which requires one address multiple issues such as insurance claims (or worse no insurance), deceased animals who were trapped, machinery and feed to be replaced., and a host of other issues   Yet for the first time I might see the moon.  
 
I do not believe some divine being causes bad or positive things to happen.   I do think that life shows up and I have the opportunity to learn and to grow.  Barring illness which affects my ability to access a shared reality I have the choice of  seeing and listening for what I need to learn or doing best imitation of Job; wringing my hands, tearing my clothes and crying  “Woe is me. Woe is me.”
 
Written May 12, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 
 

The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
 
Until recent years, when being sworn in as a witness in a court of law in the United States one was asked to place their right hand on the Christian Bible and swear to “tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me god.”    In more recent years witnesses In a court of law can now swear or affirm “to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.”   Traditionally. except in the case of John Adams, when presidents were administered the oath of office they placed their hand on a bible.   The thought was that for Christians that were less likely to lie if reminded that the God of their understanding was listening in!   Of course there were some major issues with the assumptions underlying this practice including:
 

• Not everyone, even in the United States, is a Christian.
• There is no “truth” but only one’s perception, flawed memory and limited courage.
• Most of us seem to have an amazing ability to lie to ourselves and then pass that along as “the truth”

 
Obviously there are some facts which can be verified by “raw”  data: film which has not been altered and which shows a wide enough view that “a truth” is revealed or certain medical tests.   It is true, for example, that death records across the United States show that a certain number of people have died from complications related to covid-19 infection.  This is not the number of people who have died from complications of covid-19, but those a physician has determined died as a direct result the complications of covid19 and for whom a death sentence is available.
 
As any of us know who have undertaken a spiritual or emotional growth journey honesty with and to ourselves is a process of gradual courage and perseverance.   Our truth of today is determined by:
 

• Our conscious memory.
• What is sometimes documented which may, at the very least, open a window to a different truth than we have been telling ourselves.
• What we  can “bear” to believe about ourselves.
• Our fear of consequences of telling the truth and what other truths might be revealed as a result.
• Our  projection of how our truth will affect others.
• Projected gains from not telling the truth.
• Medical issues affecting retrieval of information stored in the brain.

 
Thus, the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth could be “the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth just for today”.   Just for today is a frequent reminder for those struggling with recovery from active addiction.  A recovering addict knows that it is easy to lie to oneself which can eventually lead to returning to active addiction.  A recovering addict or anyone who has a program for spiritual growth knows that “more will be revealed”; daily there is more awareness of the lies we have told ourselves about ourselves, others and the world.  
 
My habit has become to say “My memory today tells me …”.  This allows for the possibility that my memory of a particular event, situation or even something seemingly more concrete is just that – my memory which does not reveal any universal truth.   Allowing myself to be open to various truths about myself, another or some events changes the nature of many conversations.  It frequently gives others the latitude to consider the possibility their truth is not “the truth”.  This then can allow for  a real conversation during which we may learn from and with each other.   
 
Written May 11, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 

​Sunday Musings – May 10, 2020
Bodhicitta
 
A number of years ago a friend introduced me to the Buddhist nun and teacher Pema Chödrön.   It was not long before I was listening to recordings of her talks and reading her books over and over again. What she said and how she communicated to my heart and mind validated all I had long believed.  She also challenged me to grow emotionally and spiritually.  To this day there is seldom a day in which she , via her books and CDs, do not make an appearance in my life.  Her words are often the wings which carry suggestions for healing when I meet with clients or when I have been challenged to grow.    I was thrilled this week when the On Being podcast featured a conversation between host Krista Tippett and the musician Devendra Banhart “talking through our favorite passages of When Things Fall Apart, a classic, spiritual work by Pema Chödrön.”
 
Once again, the wise voice of Pema Chodron spoken through Ms. Tippett and Mr. Banhart, invited me to think about how I was applying “bodhicitta” to this  phase of  our shared human journey.    Bodhicitta is a Sanskrit word essentially meaning noble or awakened heart to be in kindship with the suffering of others.  According to the Venerable Geshe Kisang Gyatso in Transform Your Life Bodhi is the Sanskrit word for enlightenment and citta is the word for mind.  Bodhicitta means  mind of enlightenment.  He says Bodhicitta “is defined by a mind, motivated by compassion for all living beings, that spontaneously seeks enlightenment.
 
Bodhicitta is born from great compassion, which itself depends upon cherishing love.
 
Cherishing love can be likened to a field, compassion to the seeds, taking and giving to the supreme methods for making the seeds grow and bodhicitta to the harvest.”          
 
In the United States today is a day to honor mothers – all those who fill the role of mother.  This may be the biological mother, an adoptive mother, a grandmother, or another person such as a friend of mine who became aunty mom when both parents of her nephew died by the time he was age 12.  It could be the friend of mine whose wife’s debilitating illness prevented her from parenting day-to-day.  It might be someone such as my Grandma Fannie or Aunt Pleasie.  It might be one or both gay men or lesbian women raising children.  It may be the father who was blessed to have the skills and temperament to provide the day to day seed planting (compassion), cherishing love, and guidance to prepare the children to leave the nest (the harvest).
 
Hats off to the woman whose womb provides a home for the first nine months of the development of that precious child and goes through the painful process of birthing a child (or children).  Only she can do that first nine months.  Yet, that very same woman may or may not have the skills, health or temperament to assume the role of mother for rest of that child’s life.   Mother then is not determined by biology or even gender.  The birth mother may not be the best person to show compassion, cherishing love and the guidance to prepare a child for adult life.  If lucky, however, there is that special person who can take over after birth.  Sometimes that honor falls to the counselor, teacher, mentor, spiritual teacher such as Pema Chödrön, or even the next door neighbor.
 
As we reach adulthood it is also our job to access that part of us who can provide the cherishing love, compassion and guidance to ourselves and to our neighbors, our partners, children, and all those with whom we come into contact; that part of us who can wake the heart within us to live in kinship with the suffering of others.   It is up to all of us who are able to be that archetype- model – prototype of what we associate with the ideal mother; to welcome and embrace the mother within us.      
 
Written May 10, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
                                                                                                                 
 

Attachments:  Progress not perfection
 
 
I am daily reminded that spiritual growth is a process and not a destination.   Just last evening I facilitated a discussion regarding our tendency as humans to become attached to the belief that we can only:

• Move ahead spiritually if …
• Be successful if we have ….
• Be worthwhile if person X loves and respects me.
• Be attractive if …’
• Be happy or content if we have the perfect partner.
• Be a good friend/partner/parent if we can control them.
• Be okay if social distancing ends soon.
• Exercise if the gyms are open.
• Have access to recovery if there is a program which does not suggest one put one’s belief in a higher power.
• Be a successful heath care worker if all patients/clients live.
• Be a successful teacher, health care provider if paid a certain amount.
• Be a successful teacher, supervisor,  health care worker if all students/patients/employees/patients/clients like me.
• Live if we can learn to safely and successfully use an addictive substance.
• Live if we have sex without having to make a commitment.

 
All of us could, I am sure, add to this list.   As humans, we often get attached to beliefs which make contentment, success or happiness impossible. 
 
Obviously all of or most of us want:

• To be successful however we define success.
• To enjoy the positive support of others.
• To do better with personal and work partners.
• Our children, friends, partners and coworkers to be successful however they define success.
• All we love to be happy/content.
• Our customers, patients, clients to be happy and appreciative
• To be loved and respected by all.
• To get the Nobel prize or its equivalent.

 
There is nothing wrong with wanting or appreciating these gifts if they come our way,  Yet, we all have to spend a lifetime being miserable or come to terms with the fact that we do not control other persons, places, things, and events.   None of us could have prevented the visit of Covid-19.  None of us can prevent hurricanes, tornadoes and other visits of mother nature.  None can control all the people and factors which form how and what decisions others make.   None of us can stop a person from falling in love with a new partner.  None of us can avoid making mistakes even if our main mistake is doing nothing for fear of making mistakes.
 
Attachments are like locked doors to which only we have the keys.  We can let go of the attachment – the belief that I can only if .  We only can unlock the door to the world as it is instead of the world we demand it to be.   We can blame other people, places or things for our unhappiness, lack of success, anger or  addiction  but the fact remains that our happiness/contentment/success is dependent on accepting:

• Our own humanness as well as the humanness of others.
• Accepting life on life terms.  Certainly we may learn to be better prepared for the next pandemic, hurricane, tornado or other act of nature but will not prevent them.
• That life is, at best, ten minutes long, and all we have control over is doing our personal best just for today to  treat ourselves and others with love and respect in the context of our mutual humanness.

 
Identifying and letting go of attachments is a lifelong goal and process.  It is never a destination.  Today I am slightly better than I was yesterday at identifying my attachments, noticing them without judging them, and breathing out the tenseness which accompanies attachments.   My goal is to keep inching my way forward.
 
Written May 7, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 
 

​Practice makes perfect?


All of us have many habits which serve us well.  We develop habits by practicing the same behavior over and over again.    Many habits are very specific to the culture in which we are raised while others we stumble upon. Some habits, such as how we get out of bed, how we use bathroom facilities, brush our teeth, shower and get dressed are of little concern to anyone else other than, perhaps, our partner or others with whom we might live and share spaces.  It is wonderful to not have to consciously think about how one does these and other routine tasks.   We develop what is sometimes referred to as muscle memory for many tasks.   Dancers and those who perform actions related to sports or other physical activities practice specific behaviors and routines until accuracy and efficiency of movement is optimal. One begins with an instructor or a diagram outlining the progression of movement.   Eventually one performs the task without having to consciously think about specific steps.    The same seems to be true for learning to play music.  One practices over and over again until one is no longer thinking of specific notes.  The music than is free to literally pour out of one’s soul.  Observing a violinist such as Joshua Bell perform is experiencing the violinist, the violin, the conductor and the orchestra as one instrument .  Some, including me, would include the audience as part of that instrument.
 
We also develop habits of thinking which then connect to our muscle memory.   Just last evening I was talking to a man who suddenly “found himself” driving (muscle memory)  to. spend time with the woman he had formerly dated after having decided every day for the past month that he would not continue this relationship which had proved unhealthy for both of them.  For many years this man has practiced telling himself that a relationship with a woman will help him avoid the discomfort of being with himself.  This behavior always works for a time.  He does not have to learn a new habit of  being comfortable with himself.   Of course, no healthy person wants to be responsible for being a “fix” for another person – always being on call for a temporary high and then being discarded like a used, contaminated face mask.
 
The experience of the very bright, good young man is that he has little choice; life keeps happening to him even though he is sick and tired of the exhaustion, heartache and general destruction which is the result of his decisions to continue the pattern.  Not surprisingly this man also has a history of other addictive behavior; alcohol, other drugs, things, and money.      
 
This man has been practicing the same “song and dance” for many years. He allows his feelings to form his thoughts (feelings are a result of past thoughts originated by self or others.) Thus he tells himself:
 

• I cannot be alone.
• I am not enough by myself.  I need someone to complete me.
• I cannot tolerate emotional discomfort.
• I cannot tolerate the emotional discomfort of another.
• My worth is based in being able to fix unhealthy people.
• Alcohol and other drugs are my friend.
• I can tolerate any level of mistreatment if I get my fix.
• My need to please others must supersede my desire to not father a child.

 
It is not true that practice makes perfect.  If one practices the same unhealthy thoughts (brain commands) over and over again, the result is not healthy behavior.   The results of unhealthy thoughts are unhealthy behavior.
 
The tools of 12 step programs and similar programs are based on identifying the lies and myths one has been telling oneself, practicing new thoughts (step work),  using the support of meetings, sponsors and others and a firm determination to stop and think the new thoughts before taking action.
 
We know a lot about the formation of habits, muscle memory (procedural memory) and how to change habits.   We do not know an “easier, softer, way” of making changes.   It is hard work, often with a lot of two steps forward, three steps back, two and one half steps forward and so forth.   It all begins with the thought process and practicing new behavior no matter how uncomfortable.
 
Written May 6, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 

Nothing and everything matters
 
Both in my personal and professional life there are many reminders of the extent to which us humans struggle with being enough.  It seems we are either boasting about our accomplishments in hopes that some will recognize that we are better then or we are burying ourselves under guilt and shame because we know we are not enough.  Many fail to realize that both dances come from the same lack of faith that it is enough to be our fumbling, creative, loving, hurtful, dramatic selves.
 
We realize that life, at best, is ten minutes long and that 99.9999% of what we worry about does not matter at the end of those 10 minutes.    We have probably all had the  experience of cleaning out the home of a parent who is now deceased or is living out their last minutes in a nursing home or assisted living facility.   Most of the items which must be dispersed to relatives, given to thrift stores or taken to the dump are of little value.   There might be some items which some others will treasure, but, for the most part, there is a house full of stuff which now has little value; stuff which all together created a sense of home for the former occupants.  If there is an auction after the few items which might help to create a home for someone else  all are sold off in boxes or lots.  It has morphed from treasures to “stuff”.
 
As one looks about their home most items tell a story which together create a tapestry which wraps itself around one.  Family and other friends are invited to share the shelter of that tapestry.   Once the residents or homemakers are gone there is no tapestry. There may be some photographs or individual items which will join the items in the home of a child or friend which will become part of their tapestry. Sometimes the urns containing the ashes of the deceased humans or pets sit off to the side in the homes of a relative or friend.  I have visited homes in which there were several urns containing ashes.   Yet the spirits of people and even favorite pets can only continue their journey if they are firmly absorbed into the DNA of those remaining.   All the stories of the former occupants must find their way into the embrace of those who loved them.   A word, gesture, scent, or touch will join all the ancestors who live within the DNA of all of us.   Perhaps, ironically, it is that very large group of somewhat nebulous spirits who will join together to form the essence of this life journey.   Individually there is no story or worth.  It is only in that collective spirit that we have meaning and purpose.   It is true that unless we allow the collective of all our ancestors to live within us we are not enough because in a real sense we do not exist as individuals.  If we do not exist we do not matter.   If, on the other hand, we embrace all that we are; all that makes us who we are then we are enough.  We and our life journey matters in a very profound way.
 
Today I will embrace all the ancestors which together have formed this human.   Today I will know that I am enough.  Today I will know that alone nothing matters and together everything matters.
 
Written May 5, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
​

​“The devil made me do it.”
 
When we are children we often decide that our parents will accept such excuses as “The devil made me do it.”.  Healthy parents know that this is a developmental age appropriate attempt and just respond with “Good try. “ or perhaps asks the child to try again.  The first mistake we parents make is asking why questions such as “Why did you eat a piece of candy knowing it was  nearly time for dinner.”  Of course the parent knows the answer.  The child ate a piece of candy because they felt like it and it was available.  The child would perhaps rather have more candy then eat a nutritious dinner.  If the child responds truthfully to our why question they may be accused of sassing their parent.  The child is forced to lie.
 
It would be encouraging if as adults we did not ask why questions such as “Why did you become defensive?  Why don’t you answer the question truthfully?  Why do you bully?  Why did you cheat on me by having sex with another person? “  Why did you steal money?  You knew it was wrong?”   Why questions seldom lead to positive change or problem solving.     I was impressed when a friend emailed this morning saying his daughter left the basement refrigerator door open and a lot of food spoiled.  She thought it closed itself.  He quickly accepted it was an accident and they proceeded to clean out the spoiled food.  He did not ask why she left the door open.  It was an accident.
 
1.It is often helpful to know how something happened so that one can change one’s future behavior.   For example, I was talking to someone  about the fact that the behavior of others might trigger a painful memory.  One might respond to a person as if they are dangerous or abusive in some way. Our brain might confuse  the current person with the past person. One can often observe this sort of reaction with those who have a traumatic history. This includes those who have lived through combat as a military person or a civilian.  In this situation one wants to know how  to retrain one’s brain to distinguish the past trauma and the current situation.
 
Why question, regardless of the intention, are often heard as accusatory,  Most of us carry around many tons of guilt and shame. We do not need anyone scolding us. Being scolded does not help one figure out what is happening in one’s brain and how to have a healthier/more appropriate reaction in the future.
 
I can be 99.99% sure that any time I am having an acute or intense negative reaction to something someone else did – some indication that they are human – it is because some painful memory was triggered (shempa).  If my gas tanks – emotional, physical, nutritional, spiritual – are empty or close to empty I am more likely to be triggered. 
 
Bottom line:  Another person is not causing me to behave in a certain manner.  While it may be helpful at times to ask another person to not repeat certain behavior or to help one avoid objects or situation which triggers one it is up to the person being triggered to take ownership of the fact that one is being triggered.
 
Whether dealing with adult or a child we can do our best to avoid why questions  We can ask, “What would be helpful or supportive?” Some times I know perfectly well what I did to cause an accident.  I also know how I made that decision.  I may still be young child who picks up a hot pie dish and drops it on the floor.  I know perfectly well why I did that.  I got impatient to enjoy a piece of pie.  I now need to focus on cleaning up the mess and perhaps making another pie.  The devil did not make me do it.
 
Written May 4, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Sunday Musings – May 3, 2020
 
In the early days of the internet if one wanted to search for information one had to be very precise when typing in the search information.   There was limited information available and the key word function was not nearly as developed.   Now one may want to be as precise as possible to limit the number of potential sites one brings up.  
 
Automatic spell check, on the other hand, may make a selection for one that changes  what one thought one was communicating.  If one types fairly rapidly and has a lot of emails or texts to which one wants to respond one may not stop to edit before one sends only to be either amused or embarrassed when the recipient lets one know what they actually receive.
 
Those of us using a search engine and/or communicating often via text or email are aware that we are sending commands to the search engines or using language to communicate some message to the recipient which will initiate commands in their brains.
 
​
Anytime we use language we are directing our brain to call up the entire history of our use of the word or phrase.  Each experience is associated with positive, negative or perhaps fairly neutral emotions and thoughts.   If one types in in the word hit in a search engine one may get a list of sporting events (hitting a ball), gambling events, or violent events.  Likewise, the word kill calls up a lot of associations.  the word “kill”  may be used to describe how one did on a test or some other task as well as the killing of people and animals.
 
Anyone who has studied the use of language in the United is aware of the use of violent words we use in talking about sporting events, business dealings, and personal relationships.   Those using those violent works my have a lot of positive and negative associations with the words.   Chances are one is not conscious of one’s entire history of the use of those words or the history of others who hear or read one’s words.
 
This morning I was listening to a March 2020 broadcast of an On Being podcast which features a conversation between the host Krista Tippett and Ocean Vuong, the poet, essayist, and novelist.  As a person who was born in Hong Kong, lived for a time in a refugee camp, lives as a person of Asian descent in the United States, is Buddhist and is gay, Mr. Vuong is acutely aware of the power of each word he uses.  One may want to read his poem, The Touch, for example  or listen to  what he muses about language during his conversation with Ms. Tippett.
 
Poets have to carefully consider each word they use – even the bridge words – both because they have only limited space in which to communicate and each word reveals their nakedness; their pains, joys, passion and fragility.
 
Most are not as conscious as the poet of the impact of the words the use; of the layers of pain, confusion, excitement and fear each word unlocks in each memory bank; of the fact that each word opens its wings carrying all the emotions which the actions of that word have evoked throughout the history of the speaker and the listener.  The listener  will only, at best, hear an approximation of what the speaker was communicating from their experience. 
 
The minister in a Christian Church might repeat the words of Psalm 19:14 before delivering his or her sermon, “May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my rock and redeemer.”
 
What if each of us were committed to a similar intention to all who are touched by all the words we hear?  Perhaps our prayer could be, “May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart tickle the heart and mind of all who they touch.”
 
Written May 3, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org