“I am multitudes.”
 
When did we decide that we men and women could be contained within a single noun or fewer than 100 adjectives?  When and how did we simplify our image of the human being as vanilla rather than the 28  Howard Johnson flavors of species? 
 
The attempt to fit into these neatly crafted cardboard images or virtual images has spawned a host of professions including my own as us humans grapple with the fear of not being masculine enough, feminine enough, white enough, black enough, yellow enough, smart enough, pretty enough, accomplished enough and most of all fake enough.
 
The authors of the most recent book about the many faceted Thomas Jefferson, “Most Blessed of the Patriarchs” Thomas Jefferson and the Empire of the Imagination Annette Gordon-Reed and Peter S. Onuf quotes Walt Witman “Do I contradict myself? Very well then….I contradict myself; I am large….I contain multitudes.”  
 
Indeed, we all contain multitudes.  Thomas Jefferson was an amazing, creative, far sighted, bright, learned, stupid, emotionally and spiritually  challenged man .   Much of his wealth was dependent on owning human beings.   He used women sexually while resolutely believing in equality  of and for all people.  If living today he would be a target of the MeToo movement and possibly labeled a sexual offender. Yet, we owe him our gratitude for laying or adding to the base which has led to many of the freedoms some of us enjoy today.  
 
Just this morning I read the list of indictments by the local grand jury.  The crimes of which they are accused do disturb the safety and peace of the community and, yet, the list of those who would deny a safe environment, safe working conditions, a fair wage, a safe haven or other basic needs, and I would suggest rights, would be much longer. This later list might often include the designated leaders whom we are told deserve our respect.  This is justice? At best what passes for justice treats the symptoms.  Yet, we struggle to design a system of justice which is less of an illusion and comes closer to reflecting reality.
 
We are all weak, strong, able, disabled, loving, mean, users, used, kind, cruel, insightful, dumb, and much more.   I am not convinced that any of us are evil but I do believe that each of us are capable of murdering the soul and sometime the physical body of ourselves and others.  We are all a part of the systematic destruction of the carefully crafted balance which allows life as we know it to exist on this planet in this window of time.
 
Today I will perform many tasks all of which will portray a different character.  Some I will be proud of. Some I will not.  Many of the characters who reside within me will rest today or silently prod or admonish others.
 
Today many will think they know me. Even I may think I know me.  Yet,
as Walt Whitman reminds me I am multitudes.


Written January 16, 2019
Jimmy F. Pickett
 

The many layers of anger
 
No reader will be surprised that in my counseling work both the topic and experience of anger is frequently present.   Many people have attempted to dissect the emotion and substance of anger. Today there are 101 books listed on Amazon under the subject of anger.  I still appreciate two of the earlier attempts to explore anger: Anger the Misunderstood Emotion by Carol Tavris and The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner.     Anger has often been described as a secondary emotion; an emotion to cover up a more uncomfortable emotion.   I suspect that is often the case. All of us have had the experience of expressing anger when we did not want to share how sad, disappointed, or fearful we were.    Many of us have also experienced anger as outrage, i.e. “How dare a person such as a clergy person, counselor, boss or other person in authority treat me as an object to meet their needs?” or “How dare X institution pretend to care about people and treat many as disposal or easily replaceable  robots?  or “How dare the god I was told was all knowing and all loving allow the death of my child?”  Occasionally, some of us can use anger as a righteous weapon.   We can do this as partner, friend, boss, neighbor or even citizen. For example, some of us use righteous anger if someone dares to criticize a family member, a sports star or a country.  It seems easy for many of us to get attached to a need for others to agree with our loyalties or opinions.   
 
It seems as if anger is often tied to the fact that a person or institution does not measure up to our expectations.  We can and often do get angry at ourselves for not measuring up to our expectations.  Sometimes anger at ourselves is followed by a deep sense of hopelessness.  Failing an exam, not making the cut for a sports team, not winning the music competition,  not executing a perfect dance movement in a competition, not connecting with an audience when making a speech or leading a workshop, or not being able to just say no and stop an addictive behavior can also be used as justifications for subjecting ourselves to fierce punishment; even to the extent of giving up on ourselves and deciding to commit suicide or retreat for the rest of his life journey. 
 
Some of us label anger as good/bad, right/wrong, or moral/immoral. Some of us attempt to deny our anger and allow it to do extensive damage to our entire physical system. 
 
What can be we say about anger with some degree of certitude?  We can, I believe, say:
 

• No matter how “holy” we are all of us sometimes feel what most of us would label as anger.
• Once we have internalized a feeling as anger it has to come out as anger even if we know it is a defense against revealing or experiencing another emotion.
• Dumping our anger on another person or even an institution hardly ever leads to positive change although there may be that rare person or institution which actually “hears” the injustice underlying our anger and thanks us for being courageous enough to force attention to a truth.  I would not, however, get attached to an expectation of this outcome!
• Acknowledging and giving ourselves a safe place to vomit or dump anger can be a step towards healing.

Expecting that our vomit will turn into a work of art such as a Willem de Kooning painting worth millions of dollars may be setting ourselves up for a new round of anger or other intense emotion!

• Once we have dumped the internalized anger we are free to explore the underlying issues.

 
Written January 14, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
 

The myth of male emotional fragility
 
One of the lies which many of us males learn as we are growing up is that we are emotionally fragile.   I suspect that many of we males began hearing this lie from the time we were very young.  I know, of course, that many females learn the same lie although, in my experience, most females seem to have unlimited emotional strength when it comes to taking care of others while frequently living with layers and layers of pain.  My understanding is that research has documented that females seem to  have greater physical endurance than we males who tend to have more short-term speed in certain physical activities.  Since we start hearing gender specific messages at an early and we know that our internalized beliefs change the messages the brain sends to the rest of the body and that performance habits can alter DNA coding it is difficult to know what tendencies can be changed and which cannot.
 
I do believe that all of us are emotionally stronger than we believe that we are.   I especially want us males to know:
 

• We do not need to run from fear, grief or other uncomfortable emotions.
• The more we strengthen the habit of facing uncomfortable emotions the less discomfort we will experience.  (We often use a lot of energy being uncomfortable with our discomfort.)
• The paradox is the fewer emotional issues we store or run from the more energy we have to face future emotional issues.
• How we deal with emotional issues does not affect our sexual orientation despite the stereotypes of same.
• Discomfort is discomfort. It is nothing more and nothing less.
• Big boys cry.  Why would we trust anyone does not feel pain when others are suffering or one loses a loved one?
• Allowing ourselves to postpone facing an emotion to deal with emergency is an important skill for males and females.
• Being “like a woman” emotionally (the stereotype of women) will make us more effective partners, fathers, workers (no matter what our job or profession) and community members.

 
Emotions are never an impediment to doing what needs to be done.   Our relationship with our emotions can enhance or impede our ability to function well in all areas of our life.  Francis Bacon and 400 years later Franklin Roosevelt reminded others of the essential truth “we have nothing to fear but fear itself.”  Fear may tell us we are fragile, weak or something terrible might happen if we face it or any other uncomfortable emotions,  but the truth is not facing those emotions affect one’s ability to effectively deal with all important so called personal, work, community and international issues.
 
We need to start  telling our male and female children:

• Emotions are a positive part of our humanness
• One needs to fact check what fear and other emotions are telling us.
• Express your emotions without shame or embarrassment but also without allowing them to be in charge.
• Focusing on immediate gratification instead of long-term results is never desirable. 
• If a mental illness is present it can, in most cases, be effectively treated.
• We already have all the strength we need to deal with life on life’s terms.
• Facing life honestly and together is much more effective long term than avoiding and isolating.

 
Written January 14, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett


 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 



 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

​Sunday Musings – January 13, 2019
 
There was a lovely snowfall overnight which may continue today.  Of course, I am acutely aware that it is easy for me to appreciate the snow from the vantage point of my warm home, a full pantry, the physical ability to shovel my driveway, and no concerns about being able to pay my utilities bills.    In other words, I am very blessed. 
 
It has been a week during which saying hello and goodbye were a constant reminder of the brevity of this life journey and he fact that what matters is how well we treat each other. I wrote earlier in the week about the reminder of Pastor Chris Figaretti to always keep mercy and grace in the forefront of all one’s actions.   This is sage advice for all of us regardless of the base of one’s moral beliefs.   The base for Pastor Figaretti is the Christian religion and the teachings of Jesus, but many others whose base is another religion, philosophy or even science will remind us that the human mind is both amazing and fragile.   The ability to make what many of us consider a moral decision- a decision which is able to consider the needs of all other people and, in fact, of all of “creation” – is dependent on many factors; factors which determine what information or precepts are stored in the brain, the ability to access them and the ability to act on them.   Just this morning I talked to a dear friend who struggles with holding on to the wise, moral voice in his head. Often one strong voice says do action X and other even stronger voice says do action Y.  He is working hard to use tools to change which voice he keeps in charge of his behavior. Many factors – chemical balance which is affected by addiction, nutrition, exercise and others including tumors and how well other parts of the body are functioning – affect which voice one can put in charge.   We also know that environmental factors including pollutants such as lead, herbasides and others affect the ability of the brain to function.
 
Many people I know are themselves or their aged relatives (sometimes not so aged) living with various forms and levels of dementia which affect the ability to share a reality with others.
 
Some of those to whom I said goodbye this week died of a drug overdose – an addictive disorder. They did not order that disorder from Alexa.  Sure, they may have experimented with alcohol and other drugs but many do that without becoming addicted.  
 
Us humans want to believe that we have free will and that we can, therefore, easily separate the “good” people deserving of mercy and grace from the “bad”
 people not deserving of mercy and grace.   Some of us may envy those who seem to have such a clear picture of reality. I am not one of them.  Just this morning I read an editorial in the local newspaper about a couple who abused a child.  The person writing the editorial was bemoaning the fact that the law in that state only allowed a sentence of 8 years in prison.  Cleary abusing a child is a terrible act.  These young children were helpless and dependent on these caretakers.  The caretakers were not able to fulfill the responsibility for keeping these children safe.  Why were they unable to do this?  I have no idea?  There was not any indication in any of the articles I read about this case that anyone from the prosecutor’s office was particularly interested in this question.   They will be punished for 8 years and I suspect for the rest of their lives. It is very like that they will punish themselves more than the community could punish them.  The goal is to punish them for having a brain which was not able to consider and tend to the needs of these children.  It is, of course, good that the children are now in a safe home.  At least I would like to assume that.  I also would like to suggest that this couple deserve our mercy and grace; that this couple deserve a diagnosis based on a scientific evaluation and diagnosis.   What do we, the community, lose by treating them, with mercy and grace?  We lose only our illusion of free will; our ability to avoid the fear that we too may not be able to have cogent, moral thoughts.  Perhaps we all should focus on facing our own fears and not avoiding them with our delusional thinking. All psychological and spiritual teachers will remind us that facing our fears is the only path to freedom; to enlightenment; to building a more just and loving society.
 
Written January 13, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
 
 

​ 
The Mirror
 
Every time I sit down to write I bring with me all of those who have and who continue to touch my life which, of course, includes all who live and have lived.   Today I am, particularly aware of those who have and continue to remind me of  who I am as a white/perceived Caucasian male.   In particular I  bring with me today the words and voices of Krista Tippett the host of On being and her January 10, 2019 conversation partner the poet, essayist and playwright Claudia Rankine. The podcast of this important conversation is readily available on Apple Podcast or wherever one accesses podcasts.
 
The mirror
 
It may feel as if the mirror will shatter
which is to say that it will reflect my
shattered self.
 
Yet if I force myself to look it is
merely clouded with the tares in my soul.
 
Tares which reflect
my white, male  privilege  which keeps me alone
and always pointing the finger
at those angry, ignorant white supremacists

Who indeed can throw the first stone Jesus asks the
disciples?
 
Look!  Look he says
 
See yourself.
 
The self which is worth redemption. 
The self which is not too fragile to face the truth.


The truth we are told will set us free.


Free to not need the mirror.


Free to see you without fear.
 
Free to hear your truth.
 
Free to face my truth.
 
How long, Oh God.
 
How long will we need the mirror? 
 
Lift up my eyes oh God.
 
Lift up my eyes oh God.
 
Written January 12, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
 
 

​Failing - Grace
 
None of us or at least no humans that I know from the age of one day to 100+ like to fail at whatever tasks they attempt.  Yet, from a very early age all of us fail.  Some of us might decide to quietly sit and greatly reduce any possibly of failing.  We may delude ourselves into thinking that living a quiet, no risk life if the best we can do.  We may also delude ourselves into thinking that our decisions do not affect others.  When I lived and worked in rural Alaska  and later Juneau I would meet families who had decided to live off the grid.  Yet, if  a member of the family got seriously ill they depended on the Coast Guard services  to transport the ill family member to a medical care facility.  These same families also exchanged products they grew or made for staples of clothing, food products they could not make themselves, and supplies such as books for teaching  their children.    Their attempt to live very isolated lives and to delude themselves into thinking that they could go back in time and ignore the knowledge of modern medicine and education failed.
 
In one form or another we all fail. Our failure can be passive or active.   Some of those attempting to live isolated lives in Alaska failed in a very passive way. They contributed little to the resources which they wanted to know were available when the need arose. Their use of common resources might have been limited but there was no way for such resources to only exist when their need for them arose.   Some of them might have found ways to contribute to the functioning of the larger community, but their location and limited income in most cases precluded significant contributions.  There was nothing wrong with their decision to live off the grid.  It just did not work in the way they envisioned.    Some did eventually decide that they needed to find a way to acknowledge  and honor their interdependence.
 
Actively failing says something positive if we have indeed tried something.  Passively failing may mean that we did not summon the courage to try.  Either way of failing is, I believe, deserving of grace.   Grace may, however, require that we acknowledge our failure and be open to making any changes we need to make before we try again.   It has often been said that trying the same thing over and over again expecting different results is insanity.  Addiction to power, money,  alcohol, other drugs, sex and things creates insanity.  Addictive behavior or focusing on immediate gratification often leads to short terms rewards.  Long term one’s brain changes and demands more and more and more until no amount works.  The addict must eventually surrender and seek help if he and she is to experience grace.
 
Grace implies forgiveness, acceptance of humanness, and a sense of humor.  Grace says that no matter what the mistake it is okay to get up and try again after making the necessary changes based on an examination of the reason for failure.
 
I believe that no matter of how  we fail or how often we fail we deserve grace. We deserve a helping hand to get out and try a new way.
 
Written January 11, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett

​Challenges of love
 
I firmly believe:

• Love by definition is unconditional.
• Unconditional love is often not the automatic response for this human. 
• Abusing others emotionally, spiritually, sexually, physically, and financially is all the same. Any time I treat someone as less then I suffer and all of creation suffers.

There are no degrees of hurt although there is hurt which is more immediately dangerous/harmful.

• It is easier for this human to focus on the hurtful behavior of others than to deal with the deep discomfort of facing all the ways that I have and do hurt others.
• Hurt people hurt others.
• When a child is being abused in any way it is my responsibility as an adult to be the assertive, proactive voice for that child.

 
It is also my experience:

• I am fearful of the bully.
• I find it difficult to find a loving way to stand up to the bully.
• I am very judgmental of those I experience to be judgmental.
• My judgment of others correlates with my fear of being judged.
• My fear of being judged by others correlates with my judgment of myself.

 
All of the above is as honest and truthful as I can be at this moment.   I certainly want to be on a path of practicing unconditional love which includes unconditional love for myself.  I often falling short of achieving my goal.  I know that I am not able to love others unconditionally unless I am practicing unconditional love of myself.  Unconditional love of myself  is accepting  that I am this very imperfect human. Obviously, I do not like my imperfections, especially when they result in hurting others.   The more I fuss at myself for my imperfections the more imperfect I become.  On the other hand, the more I avoid being accountable for my imperfections/hurtful behavior the more likely I will repeat hurtful behavior. 
 
My goals are:
 

• Notice when I am judging another and bring the focus back to accepting that the other person is but a mirror.  When judging that person, I am judging myself.
• Share my struggle as an example rather than judging others.
• Stand up to the bully in a loving but assertive manner.  Easier said than done especially if standing up to the bully might result in the bully isolating and, thus, hiding the abuse.   For example, if a relative or friend is bullying a child and one says the behavior is not acceptable the bully might just make sure that they only bully this child  in private.   Sometimes parents or other caretakers punish the child for embarrassing them.  Blaming the victim, as most of us know,  is not uncommon.
• If there is another adult such as the partner of the bully involved talk to that person in private about one’s discomfort.  The fear is, of course, the partner will align with the abuser, but this may be a risk that one has to take. 
• Honestly pray for the bully- love the bully unconditionally.   Forcus on the pain that one knows underlies the bully behavior.
• Work to make mental health care more accessible, affordable and acceptable.   Abusers needs mental health care which, for some will mean involuntary commitment in a safe facility staffed with qualified professionals.
• Teach our children about mental illness, addiction and other illness so that they are more likely to get help when they need it.
• We males need to talk to other males about mental illness and issues such as bullying.
• Make abusers a partner in the prevention , diagnosis and treatment of hurtful behavior.  For example, if the abuser is a musician ask him or her for help in writing children’s songs about conflict resolution.    Some musicians such as Peter Alsop have been doing this work for many years.  Encourage and support that work.

 
Written January 9, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett, LPC, AADC

​Living for success
 
The convener of Story Circle  creative writing class  which meets monthly in Safety Harbor, Florida  and of which I am a honored adjunct member  -adjunct because I am male and because I am not able to attend in person - suggested this month the members explore the topics:  “How do you celebrate the new year? Does your year begin on January 1 or some other date?  Should we make resolutions?  Why or why not?”
 
New Years is, for me,  a day in a season which begins with thanksgiving.  During this season I remember and celebrate loved ones,  get the office ready for the new year and review the past year.  My goal is not to identify failures of past resolutions, but to attempt to identify what helped or did not help me live an intentional life.  Following what I understand to be a Buddhist principle I have, for a number of years. been practicing dropping the dualities; not using terms such as failure, winning, good, bad, right or wrong.   If, for example, I am having frequent periods of anger or other negative actions, I want to note the fact.   I can then note whether this behavior is a pattern.  My may find that  negative actions seem to be primarily related to:
 

• HALT – hungry, angry, lonely, tired.  If I have used up much of my available energy/fuel I can going to have trouble processing incoming stimuli or even internal stimuli such as thoughts.  When I am having an internal traffic jam I may automatically push away stimuli with anger or silence. The goal is to just notice  and accept that the brain is shutting down for the day.
• Trigger – some sad or traumatic memory may have been triggered by some stimuli in my current environment. Sometimes I can identify the triggering stimuli and sometimes I cannot.  The goal is to honor what I am feeling and, if at all possible, take some time and space to experience whatever I am feeling.
• My expectations of others people or events.

 
I will make observations about my home, my personal life and my business life.   I may then make some new decisions based on these observations.  As the year progresses I can regularly evaluate the results of my decisions.
 
I do not make resolutions  about nutritional intake, exercise, or my role in ensuring world peace by the end of the year.   I do attempt to be honest with myself about whether or not I am willing to live with the results of my actions or inactions (which is an action).  I do not want to blame other people, places or things for the results of my decisions. I also do not want to beat up on myself.  That is never productive.   Either I am going to continue the same behavior and expect different results, accept the results or change my behavior.
 
Daily my goal is to write one simple sentence regarding my spiritual intention for that day.  My intention may be to simply take  notice I how I use comparative or dualistic words.  It may be to just enjoy my first cup of coffee of the day, greet the birds or say a genuine good morning to at least one person.
 
This year I will be open to miracles which surround me all day every day: nature, loving people, nutritious food, shelter and the opportunity to live an intentional life.
 
Jimmy F Pickett
574 words
 
 
 

Sunday Musings.  January 6, 2019
 
I awoke thinking about power on this first Sunday of the new year.  This may be, in part, because it is the new year.   It may be, in part , because I watched a movie last evening about political power – its use and misuse.  It may be, in part. related to being reminded by Maria Popova’s “Brain Pickings” newsletter of my life long appreciation of the power of books; the ideas and connections I experience through reading.  It may be, in part,  related to the On Being podcast this week of the conversation between the host Krista Tippett and Maira Kalman, the visual storyteller and her unashamed willingness to fall in love many times each day.  Whether it is trees, animals, people or ideas she experiences a passionate connection many times a day.  Although many people think of falling in love as  restricted to a romantic connection, for some of us falling in love seems related to the lack of barriers to a connection with all of nature.     Even as I was listening to this podcast yesterday I was acutely aware of being in love with the ability to exercise: of feeling delighted to see my young gym friend whose name I do not know whose heart is larger than his considerable muscle; of seeing N from my former gym home; of seeing B whose, along with his wife, support many in the community who need a second chance; of feeling the brisk air on this winter morning; air which gently tickles my skin.
 
 
Power for me is not politics, career, bank account, or sexual connection.   Of course, I would like to see a different balance of power politically, economically and in all areas of our lives.  I would like to  better understand why electing a party with only 3.25 percent of the vote in some countries allows military power to be dominant;  why it is so difficult for us humans to accept that when one of us suffers we all suffer; of why some of us have all of our basic needs met on a regular basis while many others cannot feed or otherwise care for themselves and their families. 
 
Power for me Is about the power of  a now deceased friend to claim an enjoyment of the beauty of nature even as he faced the fact that he could not keep his family safe.   Power is about the magical arrival of the knowledge at age 28 that I could not control how others responded to me but I could make the choice to love others unconditionally.  Power is coming to terms with the fact that I cannot control my feelings but I do  not have to allow feelings to determine my reality or, more accurately, the reality to which  I will attend.   Just because  a voice in my head has negative thoughts does not mean that I have to allow them to dictate my life dance for the hour, the day or longer.
 
When listening to a CD of Pema Chodron,  the Buddhist nun, I was reminded of the term tender heart.   It is possible to allow a tender heart to open to both pain and joy.  In the midst of pain there  is always the joy of loving support; of connecting with another human being; of bearing witness to the dance of the tree which does not allow other trees or even us humans to discount its trueness or to shut off its supply of air or the sun.  As far as we know no other living part of creation, except humans, applies dualities to itself or the events which touch it.
 
We  have the power to fall in love even in our darkest moments.   My friend V says as she prepared to bury her second husband, “Aren’t I lucky to have had six whole weeks of marriage to this man!”. This did not stop the flow of tears.  V was in love with the man with whom she had six whole weeks and had a tender heart open to the current moment. She would fall in love many more times in the course of the next few years; in love with playing music on her organ; with the pie she just baked; with the pool stick in its leather case she used to learn to play pool with a young man she met when he was visiting his grandfather at the retirement home.
 
No matter how I am feeling or what negative voices in my head visit,  I can decide to open my heart to love. Every time I do I fall in love many times each day even while grieving the fact that  many of us humans allow the power of fear to stifle the power of love.
 
Written January 6, 2019

Forgive me for being human!
 
I know that I have written on the subject of being human previously. I could just republish a previous blog, but I always feel a need to tune into my current thinking which may or may not be different. I believe that the 12-step program offers a lot of wisdom on this subject and can benefit all those who are part of the human species.
 
I love the fact that the 12-step recovery program founded by Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob is clear that one needs to be accountable for hurting others even if that behavior occurred when one’s ability to think rationally had been kidnapped by addiction.  The 12-step program is also clear that one needs to share that history with another person, make amends except when doing so would cause further harm, and strive to behave more lovingly in the future.   The program does not, however:
 

• Make any attempt to rank order hurtful deeds and, therefore rank order levels of acceptance.
• Suggest that punishment beyond the disconnection which occurs when one hurts another is warranted or deserved.
• Make any distinction between hurting children and adults.
• Make any distinction between sexual and non-sexual hurts.
• Suggest that any person shops for an addictive behavior because one wants to hurt self and others. One may decide to use certain drugs to avoid dealing with life on life’s terms or to deal with physical pain. Not everyone who takes an addictive drug or engages in other addictive behavior becomes addicted.

 
Clearly the 12-step program does acknowledge that:
 

• Being human is a chronic state of being but is not a disease!
• Addiction is a chronic illness
• Addiction may not be the only disease on has, but if one has that disease one first has to treat it. That does not eliminate the need to identify and treat other illnesses.
• We need an authentic or genuine connection with ourselves (our body is an interdependent system) and with each other.
• We are all equally capable of loving and hurtful behavior.  A friend of mine always reminds newcomers to recovery that one needs to be vigilant less “stinking thinking” take over and one do something such as take addictive drugs which affect brain chemistry and ability to have cogent thoughts.

 
Many things can affect one’s ability to think rationally.  Certain foods, traumatic events, acute fear or anxiety, mental illness,  tumors and other growths or conditions, injury from sports, gunshots or other interruptions of the functioning ability of the brain can affect one’s ability to have cogent thoughts.   If one’s brain is not functioning well enough to  make decisions which consider the rights and needs of others than forgiveness is not appropriate.  Forgiveness implies that someone deliberately ordered up a malfunctioning brain.
 
Of course, we humans are human and, at times we are going to react instead of acting in our best interest which is, paradoxically, also in the interest of others.  There are times when we need to make amends.  Hopefully, as we learn to take better care of ourselves and have access to medicine, food, shelter, treatment when needed, and support we are more often able to consider the needs of others.  Even then, however, we must lovingly allow for the fact that we are human and be quick to make amends if appropriate and quick to accept - not forgive- our own humanness.
 
 
Written January 4, 2018
 
Jimmy F Pickett